Can You Sleep With Someone Talking To You?

Can You Sleep With Someone Talking To You?
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If I seem a little grumpy, it’s probably because I didn’t sleep very well this afternoon. Which is crazy, seeing as how I was testing out the Pzizz – a gadget that’s supposed to help you nap better.

It’s pretty easy to use – you plug in your headphones and press the big button on the front once to turn it on. The next thing you seen on the small screen is the number 10 – this represents how many minutes you want to nap for. It goes all the way up to 60, but I opted for a half hour kip. For testing purposes.

But before you’re overwhelmed by a sense of calm and taken off by magical fairies to the land of nod, a voice that should only be allowed to speak on late-night, “love song dedications” radio introduces you to the concept of calm. He asks you to stretch, relax, and tells you how good it is to take a nap in the afternoon.

The problem is, he keeps talking, even after he tells you that you can “make his voice fade into the background by gently relaxing your attention into what is most comfortable and pleasant inside”. Bullshit. Every single time I was about to drift off, I was rudely awoken by the most inane, stupid comments, like “Relaxation is not an effort, just let it naturally happen” or “Let thoughts be like soft daydreams; quiet and slow”. It was like Mix FM’s version of a bucket of icewater being thrown over you.

The background music is a combination of those meditation CDs you see at nature stores everywhere. There were waves crashing, birds chirping and gentle piano melodies, plus one that sort of sounded like the Death Star powering up to destroy Alderaan. In fact, that last one oscillates between the left and right channel in your headphones, and is probably the part that’s meant to simulate rapid eye movement.

So, after 30 minutes, I was told to wake up and stretch. The problem was, I didn’t want to – I was more tired after my “nap” than before I’d laid down. If the cost of trying to take an afternoon nap is $169 and any chance of actually falling asleep, then I’d suggest you save your money and just stay awake.