Are you one of those lousy parents that won't buy a dog for your kids but try to pass off a goldfish as a pet that's just as good? Well, if you want to help your case that fish are just as fun as an adorable golden retriever, there's the R2 Fish School. It'll let you train a goldfish to do such tricks as play basketball and swim around objects in its tank. The excitement never ends, as the ridiculous instructional clip after the jump demonstrates.
Essentially, it looks like this is your basic reward system, with a special food wand making it easier to jam food right in your goldfish's face when it does something right. Of course, you can't scratch it behind the ears or take it for walks or go outside and play with it, but a coldhearted parent like you doesn't care about things like that, do you? [R2 Fish School]