...I just can't put my finger in it. What could it be? [App Store - Thanks Jeremy!]

If you're the kind of destitute scientist who drinks Franzia but has a couple of high-powered titanium electrodes lying around, you're in luck, because a short blast of electricity can vastly improve your swill.

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Due to a new EU trade rule, wineries can't use the word "port" on their label unless the wine was actually made in Portugal. California's Peltier Station Winery, however, discovered (or should I say invented?) a loophole: they called their new dessert wine "USB" and put a tree with USB roots on the label. And that's just the beginning of the geekery.

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The Porto Decanter's product description pretty much says it all. "Sure to spark conversation, these sophisticated, hand-blown serving pieces date back to 17th century Europe where they were known as Schnapps Pfeiffen," it reads, lacking only the prerequisite "munchies" reference to all but confirm this $US40 decanter set is smoking paraphernalia waiting to happen. Even the glasses are dubious, stress on doobie, with the instructions asking wine drinkers to "cradle the bowl in your hand to warm the contents, then sip slowly through the pipe, which flows from the bottom of the glass so there is little chance for the liquids to oxidise, enhancing the flavour." Bowls? Pipes? Porto Decanter, let us call a spade a spade. Thy name, like the BIC "flower pot" Mahoney profiled this month, is bong. [Uncommon Goods via Random Good Stuff]

For serious connoisseurs, the preservation of wine is far more important that the stigma surrounding bottle caps or, in this case, dispensing your wine like a condiment at a restaurant. The Skybar features a precise temperature control and vacuum system to keep your wine tasting its best for up to 10 days. The pouring spout also delivers wine directly into your glass without disturbing any sediment—which means there is no need for a decanter. I've actually seen similar systems set up in wine bars and they seem to be quite effective. However, the $US1000 price tag may be a bit of a sticking point. [Frontgate via Born Rich via Boing Boing Gadgets]

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You may have paid US$100 for that fancy Cab, but little did you know, its tannins have been seared crispy like hashbrowns in a semi left to sit in the sun. So just for you, dear learned consumer, wine makers are fighting back with a new digital thermometer that can tell buyers whether or not the bottle fell outside its ideal temperature after shipping from the vineyard.

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Leave it to the Japanese to come up with the crazy Mini Clear Sound System DT-SA101. It has a rated output of 4W (x2), but the only thing that really matters here is the design. In addition to looking like a couple of wine glasses and a barrel, the DT-SA101 also features LEDs in the glass that apparently give the wine/champagne a carbonated look. At any rate, even if you were willing to waste US$240 on this unit, you probably won't get a chance to since it is a Japan only release. [Product Page and Fareastgizmos]

If popping open a box of Franzia and drinking until you pass out is your idea of a sophisticated evening, you will have no use for the SoWine Bar. Believe it or not, there are people out there that prefer to enjoy a bottle of wine over an extended period of time. SoWine allows those users to store two bottles, bring them to the correct drinking temperature, and keep them fresh when opened for up to 10 days (according to the manufacturer) using two separate air-tight refrigerated storage units. Most of the other preservation methods out there only get you an extra few days, so this represents a significant improvement. SoWine is available for around US$600. [SoWine and Around Wine via Gizmag]

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When we want to be stronger, smarter and better looking, we just head into our secret wine cellar vault. Encapsulated in brushed aluminium, the environment is temperature and humidity controlled as our 1,500 bottles of "super juice" sit safely on the redwood racks. And given the included PC database to keep our collection straight, the only thing we're missing is a spot to sob in the fetal position under the stream of a cold shower—our special power of choice. The vault will run you US$27,995; the hangover is free. Here's a look inside (we're clothed in the shot):

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Artist Etienne Meneau has made these amazing sculptural wine decanters, applying some fractal-ness to the design. As a result, they look pretty anatomical when you fill them with red wine: rather like the brachiated patterns of lungs or blood vessels. Bound to be conversation pieces at a party. Hand-made in borosilicate glass and about 60cm tall, they're in a very limited numbered and signed edition. But vinophile mathematicians or biologists keen to get one might have to save up some cash: each 75cl carafe costs around US$3,400. [Strange Decanter]

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