But this is a dual massager we’re talking about here, so there’s a specially contoured man unit too. Both units store in a handy carrying case, although said case’s lack of an automated cleaning solution—or at the very least some free Purell samples—is disconcerting, to say the least.

Weird aside on my part: Are those bondage straps next to the Philips model in that picture or what?

Another aside: Attend IFA next year. [Philips via CrunchGear]

The battery powered tiny motor inside Maybelline’s $US15 Pulse Perfection supposedly delivers 7000 vibrations per minute which is way faster than anyone can actually apply mascara to one’s eyelashes, but I’m told by my friends who have used it that you have very little control of the vibrator itself, it can be too rough on your lashes and comes out clumpy. I’d most likely poke myself in the eye and frankly if I am doing that I’d rather it be while putting on Terminator Vision contact lenses. [NotCot via Make]

“Honey, I’m amazed that we never have any un-popped kernels. How do you do it each and every time?!” “Well, it’s simple, honey, really. I just use this special bowl I made a few weeks ago. And your vibrator.”

At which point “honey” throws up and walks out on me. Again. Nevertheless, one 2-hour movie and a full stomach later, I’m sleeping like a baby, content with the knowledge that no un-popped kernels have infiltrated my digestive system, thereby ruining my evening.

More seriously though, dear readers, the guys at Stupid Inventions claim the vibrator is merely the motor unit from a massage pillow. Sure it is, fellas. Try using that line on your next date. [YouTube via Nowhere Else - Thanks, Zachary]

While it technically does run off steam, Niow cautions you’ll need to wear insulated welding gloves to handle it without getting burned. This is why she’s temporarily using compressed air for now.

If she can secure a smaller portable boiler she’ll give the thing a run at full power, as was intended. Just wear those gloves as a precaution anyway, ok Ani? [Flickr via Laughing Squid via Hackaday]

Look, I’m sure it’s super convenient to charge the ol’ vibe using your laptop, but is this really necessary? We all know how water damage voids warranties. [The Frisky via The Daily What]

From the little we claim to know on the topic, most women make do using electricity (batteries or plugs) to power their vibrators. But what about those poor Amish and extreme eco hippies?

For these under represented sexual minorities, a company has released the “world’s first 100% eco-friendly sex toy,” the $US95 Earth Angel Wind-Up vibrator. Constructed from 100% recycled materials, 4 minutes of cranking stores 30 minutes of vibrating power (like those 5-in-1 solar emergency radios but way more pervy).

So to sum it up: A woman wastes a few minutes working a stick before receiving a moderately satisfying level of physical stimulation. Is there really no better model than this, science? [LoveHoney via ShinyShiny]

All of the vibes have great names like Chic Glorifier, Handy Hannah Vitalator, Stim-U-Lax Junior, Bonger Body Massager, and let’s not forget the classic Magic Fingers Hotel Bed Massager. I included my favourites below, but hop over to Oobject for the full effect. If I ever see these in real life, I’m running in the opposite direction. What were ladies in the ’50s thinking? [oobject]

I discovered some technology developed by NASA that has never been applied to the sex toy industry. So we’ve got a new technological platform we’re going to be rolling out over the next two years.

What this technology may be, we don’t know. The only thing we know is that Bruce and Melody Murison, the creators of We-Vibe, were laid off from telecommunications company Nortel because of the current economic crisis. That event made them go into developing and manufacturing this silicon-based We-Vibe, “an electromechanical device (…) which plots the x-y charts of power versus performance, versus the third dimension of the human dynamic: What frequencies do women like?” Sounds… exciting? Scary? Whatever. We want one. [CBC]