Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. This is Teac's LP-R500. Ugh. Sorry, I'll try pulling myself together: it's a modern version of what my grandad used to call a "radiogramme," cramming in an FM radio, a CD player, cassette player and record deck into one sleek ancient, massive, clunky box along with an amp and speakers. Admittedly it does let you record your vinyl and tapes to CD. But... ugh. Yours for an ugly $US700. [Akihabaranews via Dvice]

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The mystery of Nikon's Black Gold D60 might have just been solved, and man, it is not pretty. No really, it's a downright repulsive study in tackiness, if these pictures are to be believed (sadly, it looks like they should be). Nikon has liberally slathered the D60 with cheap gold paint aaaaaaand... that's it. And you get to pay an extra $US50 to rock more shiny than the people who actually have taste and get a regular D60. I'm not sure who came up with this, but even Mr. T wouldn't use this camera. [Nikon Rumors, DP Review]

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Thankfully just a concept for now, the Goodie 2 Shoe is an idea in function, and definitely not in form. They're ugly, sure, but they have a neat trick: the heel is adjustable with magnets and hidden hinges, so a 1.5-inch heel suitable for work gets extended to a come-hither 3.5-inch for going out. Other parts can be customised, much like the latest Sidekick. Personally, we'd be confused if we saw an attractive lady in these shoes. It shows she's got a geek's mind, but also a geek's taste, which is not always what we're looking for. Still, we hope these appear on Lady Robocop in the 2010 remake. [Crave]

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Leave it to obscure Chinese manufacturers to come up with the CJ7 Dog Doll MP3 Player--a device so hideous it looks as if it was spawned in the fires of hell. Outside of its appearance, the device features 1GB of flash memory, a built-in loudspeaker and a conveniently placed USB butt port. It will only set you back US$18.67, but that is still a high price to pay for a device that will surely give you nightmares. [DealExtreme via anythingbutipod]

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This overwrought leather and anodised aluminium slab is US$6800. It's a MacBook. Sure, the underside is European aniline leather, and it comes with Windows XP and Office pre-installed. But it's just a MacBook, fattened up with 2.5 extra pounds and a couple extra inches of aluminium and dead animal hide, and a generous slathering of shitty taste. But don't feel guilty! No, because you're also buying an XO Laptop for a struggling child in a developing country, like Alabama. And that is priceless. Plus six thousand, eight hundred US dollars.

Not only does this Givori Serendipity phone look like it was designed by some sort of ADD-afflicted, semi-retarded Midwestern housewife at a forced-labour craft fair, but it costs US$3,100. Hell, I'd pay that much to make sure I never become friends with anyone who would use this thing.

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Nokia's 7900 mobile, which we told you about previously, just got set for release this quarter. The 3G handset will have a 2-inch OLED display, 2MP camera, 1GB internal memory and a customizable keypad, where users will be able to select the backlight colour from 49 different possibilities. The 7900 will retail for €375 ($630.) [Nokia]

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If you live in Japan and drive a stripy Nissan Micra (March), we are so sorry. Still, if you desperately want an NEC Nissan branded laptop to match said vehicle, you are in luck. NEC has just announced an equally grotesque laptop, finished with enough stripes to create an accomplished rock band.

Beyond the eccentric exterior and a few strategically placed Nissan tags, the ¥120 498 ($1020) laptop is a run of the mill LaVie G model. The device packs a 1.8GHz Sempron processor, 512MB RAM, 15.4" widescreen display and runs Windows Vista Home Basic. Our advice on this gadget; look (for a short period as it may burn your eyes), but do not (under any circumstance) touch. And you thought life couldn't get worse; a Nissan Micra and a matching laptop—be brave; it'll be OK in the end. [Digital World Tokyo]

There were coffins, toilets, underwater landscapes that had everything except Mario swimming around looking for coins, a box file, a bikini babe and this thing. Honestly, wherever I go in my nightmares, Hello frackin' Kitty is there, waiting. Pass me the chainsaw, Helmut, and make it snappy: I've got a whole gallery to get through.

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Note: the iGems are not a real product. But seeing as the iGems are the imaginative lovechild between sybarites Apple and Tiffany, one could expect that such branding would be the most expensive jewelry the world has ever seen, and your girlfriend wouldn't be wanting the Nano edition, if you know what we mean. But it could never be... as Apple would never package in blue, and Tiffany would never produce a piece so hideous. Until the pigs take flight, it will be up to Man to fuse gold, iPhone and ring, and up to men to buy the cubic zirconia knock off. [igems via crave]