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Idiots Can't Stop Painting Tortoises

In the latest edition of What Did The Good Earth Do to Deserve Humanity, some arsehats in Florida have been turning the shells of threatened gopher tortoises into their personal easels. According to Florida’s Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission (FWC), this needs to stop.

Herpes Outbreak Among Australia's Green Sea Turtles Likely Triggered By Pollution

Australian scientists in the midst of investigating a herpes outbreak among green sea turtles at the Great Barrier Reef say the blight — which causes abnormal growths on the skin, mouth, eyes and internal organs — is likely due to pollution.

Baby Turtles Getting Hypnotised For Science Is So Cute It Hurts

Baby sea turtles don’t really need our help being adorable, but remarkably, scientists have figured out a way to make the tiny shelled reptiles even more mind-numbingly cute: By hypnotising them.

Tucker The Turtle Can't Fart, Gets Treated For The Bends

Tucker the turtle can’t swim underwater because he has an abnormal build-up of bubbles in his body. To treat his “buoyancy problem”, researchers at Seattle’s Virginia Mason hospital put him in a hyperbaric chamber, making him the first nonhuman patient to receive such treatment.

When This Walking, Swimming Pet Turtle Dies, Just Swap In A New Battery

Pets don’t only help teach kids how to be responsible, they’re also a harsh object lesson in the definitiveness of death — unless you go the robot route. Robo-puppies might not be believable just yet, but this tiny robot turtle looks pretty convincing when swimming around inside a tank. And if you find it just floating there one morning, all you need to do is change the batteries.

The Weird Reason Why So Many Turtles Are Delaying Flights At JFK

Remember when dozens of mating turtles shut down a whole runaway at JFK International Airport in 2009? It was only the start of a turtle invasion that has vexed travellers and perplexed biologists for years. But we may have figured out why turtles are all over the tarmac, and it has to do with raccoons.

Watching A Tortoise Having Sex Is One Of The Most Hilarious Things Ever

Sincere apologies in advance for this, but here is a video of two tortoises doing it, and I cannot stop laughing. Also cringing.

This Robotic Sea Turtle Is Built To Find Hidden Treasure In Shipwrecks

Thanks to millions and millions of years of evolution, sea turtles work. They work well. They can swim stealthily around the ocean, sliding between chunks of coral if necessary. That in mind, it’s no wonder the sea creatures are the inspiration for the latest underwater robots.

Remote-Controlled Turtles Could One Day Be Our Secret Slow And Steady Drones

Even if they aren’t mutated into teenage ninjas, turtles might one day be a viable alternative to drones for espionage and surveillance. They come already armour-plated, they’re amphibious, they’re powered by plants, and thanks to their natural desire to avoid obstacles, researchers have found a clever way to even make them remote controllable.

Aussie Turtles Get High-Tech Tracking Treatment

Google Glass is a big deal, and I can’t wait to try one out. Apparently, neither can these turtles, who are being fitted with wearable tracking technology of their own in order to study their movements around the Murray River system.

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