If you have a problem with your TV, like a certain 70-year old Missouri man did with his converter box during the DTV transition, DO NOT get loaded, shoot it and engage in a stand-off with the police. [Gizmodo]

If you work in a tech-related retail store, DO NOT do what 29-year-old Aaron Seiber did and stab yourself so you don’t have to go. Making up a phony story about a skinhead attack to the police doesn’t help matters either. [Gizmodo]

If you have trouble getting up the stairs, escalators are a real lifesaver. However, DO NOT use one like the man in this video.

If your phone dies, DO NOT take it to get fixed and threaten to shoot it in the shop with the 9mm concealed in your jacket. There are no mobile phones in prison — unless you have a really good hiding place (and there is only one really good hiding place). [Gizmodo]

If you have a tall hedge and no gadget designed to trim it, DO NOT raise your ride-on mower up with a crane to do the job like this lunatic from New Zealand. [Gizmodo]

So you have bought a new phone and you are not sure what to do with your old one. Unless is is complete garbage, DO NOT smash it. Mobile phone retailers have recycling bins specifically for old mobiles. If you want an iPhone to smash, there are cheaper ways to do it. [Gizmodo]

If your kid acts up, DO NOT drag him around on the floor with a leash. Someone with a cameraphone is bound to make a video of the whole incident and share it with the police.

If your internet connection goes down while playing an online game, DO NOT vent your frustrations by grabbing a knife and stabbing the first 15-year-old girl that walks down the street near your home. You could wind up in a mental hospital with pending manslaughter charges. [Gizmodo]

Remember handwriting? We have all but abandoned it, but the torch is being taken up by robots like Kuka, who has been put to work writing out copies of the Martin Luther bible. [BotJunkie]

Developed by Aberystwyth University and the University of Cambridge, Adam the robot was the first machine to independently discover new knowledge.

Using artificial intelligence, Adam hypothesised that certain genes in baker’s yeast code for specific enzymes which catalyse biochemical reactions in yeast. The robot then devised experiments to test these predictions, ran the experiments using laboratory robotics, interpreted the results and repeated the cycle.

The results of the experiment were later replicated and confirmed by a team of human scientists. So, it appears that computers are not only doing our calculations, but they have begun thinking for us as well. [Scientific Blogging and Gizmodo]

Are you lactose intolerant? Do you have frequent heartburn or constipation? Perhaps one day your defective digestion system could be replaced with a more advanced version of the Cloaca machine. This thing simulates actual human digestion and, in the end, produces a turd you would be proud of. [Cloaca via Gizmodo]

Dishwashers have been around for decades, but we still have to physically put the dishes into the machine. This is completely unacceptable. Panasonic’s robot takes care of the entire cleaning process from start to finish. [Gizmodo]

Seriously, what don’t smartphones do for us these days? At the most basic level, these phones are how we communicate, how we entertain ourselves and how we gather information. Thanks to apps, smartphones are taking on even greater roles — like helping us keep our girlfriends happy without actually having to do any work. Girlfriend Keeper sends automatic texts and emails to your significant other depending on the intensity of your relationship. [Girlfriend Keeper]

If you are tired of your co-workers being promoted over you, just wait until a robot becomes your new boss. JAST or the “Teamworkbot” has the ability to observe and mimic human behaviour. As you will see in this video, JAST already knows how to complete the task, so it observes the human’s actions, anticipates his next move and dresses him down when he gets it wrong. [Gizmodo]

I’m pretty sure that allowing robots to take a critical role in surgery qualifies as crossing a Rubicon with respect to our level of trust in machines. The Da VInci robot enables a surgeon sitting at a console to control movements and equipment with greater precision — resulting in a procedure that is minimally invasive. [Wikipedia]

It’s only a matter of time before technology becomes advanced enough to allow lazy parents to turn over the duties of child-rearing to robots. In fact, it’s already happening in Japan where robots like Tmsuk babysit kids in shopping centres thanks to RFID badges. They even have robot teachers like Saya that terrify elementary schoolchildren into doing their work.

The Affective Intelligent Driving Agent (AIDA) was developed by MIT to help drivers navigate, bitch about their driving when necessary and keep them company on long trips.

“When it merges knowledge about the city with an understanding of the driver’s priorities and needs, AIDA can make important inferences,” explains Assaf Biderman, associate director of the SENSEable City Lab. “Within a week AIDA will have figured out your home and work location. Soon afterwards the system will be able to direct you to your preferred grocery store, suggesting a route that avoids a street fair-induced traffic jam. On the way AIDA might recommend a stop to fill up your tank, upon noticing that you are getting low on gas,” says Biderman. “AIDA can also give you feedback on your driving, helping you achieve more energy efficiency and safer behaviour.”

[MIT via Gizmodo]

While the AIDA robot helps you navigate, there are plenty of engineers working on cars that do all of the driving for you. Chevy’s “Boss” Tahoe is one of the higher profile projects that have come out in recent years, winning the DARPA Urban Challenge in 2007 after successfully navigating a 100km course littered with obstacles. [Technology Review]

We have enough reasons to worry about carpal tunnel, which is one reason why the Rubik’s TouchCube is so awesome. Instead of actually turning the segments, users simply swipe their finger in a straight line or an ‘L’ shape (for rotations). Of course, at $US150 you would incur a more severe financial penalty for tossing it at a wall in frustration. [Rubiks via Gizmodo]

Did you know that there is a version of Clue called “Secrets & Spies” that uses text messaging? Are you surprisingly angered by this?

Agent Mustard, Agent Scarlet and the rest of the colourful Clue characters are now on assignment to thwart C.L.U.E. (Criminal League for Ultimate Espionage) and take down the evil Agent Black. At the beginning of the game, players check in at Hasbro headquarters via text from their own mobile phones. As the game proceeds, Hasbro sends six text messages back to move the action along. An ultraviolet decoder, included with the game’s activity cards and other pieces, also reveals information.

[Hasbro via Gizmodo]

There have been several attempts to add electronics to the old fashioned beer pong table over the years, and this particular version is typical in that it includes LEDs — 120 RGB LEDs to be more precise. It also features a wireless module that will connect with a scoreboard. As we noted earlier “it’s one of the most advanced tables you could ever puke on”. [Gizmodo]

Purist or not, Marubot foosball would be hard to resist. The game is played with four individually-controlled robots. [Ir Robot via Gizmodo]

With our society slipping faster and faster into a crippling world of germaphobia, the classic thumb war is slowly dying out. This electronic version prevents you from having to touch hands, and it also ups the ante with an electric shock for the loser. [Firebox via Gizmodo]

Paul Fryer’s Vacuum Tube Chess set features pieces that light up when plugged into the sections on the board. [Gizmodo]

Sink your opponent’s battleship and their battle with alcoholism with the Enigma Battleship drinking game. The design of the case was inspired by the Enigma encrypting machine. The radar screen marks the shots of each player and displays a list of the ships remaining. Unfortunately, the Enigma version is only a concept, but there are simplified versions of the game that are available for purchase. [Coroflot via Gizmodo]

You would have thought Jenga would be the one game that would stay pure, but even a game about tumbling blocks isn’t safe from progress. This cheap monochrome display version requires the player to slide in two plastic blocks with just the right amount of force to prevent the whole tower from coming down. [Gizmodo]

Maybe it’s just me, but an arm wrestling game that shocks the loser is a little Over the Top. [Latest Buy]

Nikola Tesla’s Spirit Radio is built with a simple crystal radio circuit, but it has the ability to generate spooky sounds from all kinds of electromagnetic interference. Some, like Tesla himself, believed that it had the power to pick up on supernatural forces. It actually creeped him out:

“My first observations positively terrified me as there was present in them something mysterious, not to say supernatural, and I was alone in my laboratory at night.”
- Nikola Tesla 1901

Hit the following link to learn how to build one yourself. [Instructables via Gimodo]

Cameras with infra-red night vision are often used in ghost hunting to detect hot spots in darkened rooms. The Vivitar DVR 150 includes this capability in a convenient pocket-sized form. [Vivitar via Gizmodo]

In addition to looking for hot spots, ghost hunters almost always employ some sort of EMF meter to detect sharp fluctuations in the surrounding magnetic field — supposedly a sign of a ghostly presence. Oh hey, Amazon is selling a two pack Gauss Master and K-II Deluxe EMF meter set for $US85! How convenient. [Amazon]

If you can’t capture a real ghost on film, you can always turn to the Ghost Finder disposable camera. It inserts a ghostly image in every photo you take — saving you time and effort with Photoshop. It’s all of the fraud without all of the work. [FindGift]

Not only does this keychain claim to detect ghosts, it also has a “safe mode” that can be used to shield your body from becoming possessed. [Strapya]

Contact the spirit of the internets with this specialised ouija board t-shirt. Just place a wireless mouse on your chest and let the spirits guide you to the next big internet meme. [Wildilocks]

Dowsing or “divining” rods have been used for thousands of years as part of religious ceremony or to ascertain the location of water or precious metals. Some modern investigators still believe that these simple rods can be used to detect the presence of ghosts. [Divining Mind]

Trisaksri was a short-lived ghost repellent concept that would detect ghosts in the home with a low level magnetic field and a camera. Once discovered, the unit would emit a “Wave Killer” Radio wave blast to eliminate any unwanted, otherworldly intruders. [Gizmodo]

The design of the Gyrofocus fireplace may be 40 years old, but it was still striking enough to be voted the “world’s most beautiful object” at this year’s Pulchra design competition. [Focus Creation via Gizmodo]

The Conmoto suitcase fireplace allows you to bring warmth and ambiance wherever you go (the casing is weather resistant so even the outdoors isn’t off limits). Conmoto is fuelled by a small tank of bio-ethanol that burns for 2.5 to 3.5 hours. [Unica Home via Gizmodo]

A fire pit built into your coffee table gives city folk all of the benefits of a campfire without actually having to venture out into the wilderness. I’m thinking s’mores. [Opulent Items]

The Lumos is more than an outdoor fireplace, it’s also a grill. Keep the chimney up and you have ambiance, flip it down and you have delicious meat cooking over charcoal. In other words, it warms you up inside and out. [Leenders via Gizmodo]

If NASA ever designed a portable fireplace (or a urinal), it might look something like the Piet. [Cavallius Design via Gizmodo]

The fireplace should be the focal point of the room, and the Skloib TV Drehturm allows you to stay true to that philosophy without compromising on the placement of your television. [Skloib via Gizmodo]

I have always wanted a woodfired pizza oven in my backyard, but not quite enough to commit the time and expense to building one myself. If you are willing, Forno Bravo has provided info on how to build an oven like the one pictured here. [Forno Bravo via Flickr via Gizmodo]

High pressure propane burners like this one are often associated with frying turkeys, but the truth is you can cook a lot of awesome stuff with it. I would suspect that a high percentage of people (like me) use these to homebrew 20-litre batches of all-grain beer. [Amazon]

These gigantic bear claw matches are as close as you will get to a guarantee on lighting a fire. The built-in kindling is a big plus, although the colourful, crayon-esque heads could be an invitation for your children to embark on an artistic disaster. [KM Match via Gizmodo]

The Wicked Torch is kind of like a cross between a flashlight, a lighter and a stove. At 4100 lumens, it is the brightest flashlight on the face of the earth according to Guinness. It’s also hot enough to burn paper, light cigarettes and cook eggs.

If you are serious about staying off your feet on the weekends, you are going to need a serious home automation system. And they don’t get much more serious than TrueImage Control from Savant. Unlike traditional systems, TrueImage simplifies your interface by allowing you to interact with actual photos of individual rooms instead of confusing menus:

Savant’s TrueImage technology gives you fingertip control via a simple tap on a wide angle image of each room in your home. Each touch allows you to dim and turn on/off lights, lower or raise shades, even turn on/off your audio and video components. Instead of interacting with confusing icons, TrueImage allows you to simply touch the actual light or shade in that room. Not only does the light in the room turn on or dim (if you press and hold the represented light), but it also illuminates on the touch panel confirming your command.

[Savant via Gizmodo]

Wheelchairs are one thing, but nothing blends man, machine, lazy and nerdy, like The Hubo FX-1 chairbot. Hit the link to see it in action. [Gizmodo]

Maybe you are too lazy to get up, maybe you are too drunk, either way those beers aren’t going to get themselves. Fortunately for you, it only takes a little effort with the control pad on the RC Cooler to transport ice cold beverages wherever they are needed. [Hammacher Schlemmer via Gizmodo]

Dogs are great, but instead of playing with them, maybe you want to spend the weekend sitting on your arse drinking beer out of a remote controlled cooler. This Automatic tennis ball fetch machine would allow you to do both. [Hammacher Schlemmer]

It’s Sunday, the game is on, and you are far too comfortable to get up and go all the way to the bathroom. If you are not quite ready for an adult nappy, there are several handheld toilet designs on the market that would eliminate at least half of your problem. [Biorelief]

You’re sitting down and seconds are all the way over there. A fork with a telescopic handle will help you get more food without getting up. [Prank Place]

Your mobile phone is ringing, but it’s just out of reach. Neodymium magnets, some of the most powerful made today, could help you bridge the gap. Of course, your kitchen sink might come along with it. Oh, and it can also chop your fingers off (NSFW).

German designer Stefan Ulrich’s Funktionide is like a body pillow best friend (or lover as this video suggests).

Based on EAP-technology “Funktionide” is a concept for an emotional robot that substitutes human contact. In a future where technology will play a huge part in our lives it is very likely that some day it will shift from satisfying our basic functional needs to include our emotional needs as well.

Can a man love a blob made from plastics? Rosanne Barr was married more than once, so I suppose anything can happen. [Project Page]

Let’s say you actually have a flesh and blood “girlfriend”, but you met on the internet, she has never seen a real picture of you and she barely speaks English. Mutsugoto can break down all of those physical and geographic barriers to create a genuine intimate experience with light.

the device was designed to communicate intimacy and to offer an alternative to text and e-mail messaging. While lying on their beds miles away from each other, the couples wear touch-activated rings visible to a camera mounted above them. A computer vision system tracks the movement of the ring as one of the device’s users passes it across their own body, or bed. At the same time these strokes are transmitted to and projected in beams of light on the body of their partner. The lines change colour if they cross.

Plus, this way she won’t feel how fat you are.

Experience Twitter on a more personal, emotional level with this DIY Guardian robot.

Meet the Guardian Robot: This friendly little fellow stands on your desk and monitors your Twitter feed for “happy” and “sad” posts by your friends on your Twitter feed. But unlike conventional alert systems, this robot encourages you to interact with the posts it finds.

For example, when it finds a “happy” post, the Guardian Robot raises its head and arm in triumph. It holds the pose until you give it a “high five” by pushing the switch in its raised hand. Once you do that, the robot pass the high five on to your buddy via a reply Tweet.

Likewise, when the Guardian Robot comes across a sad Tweet, it lowers its head in despair. You cheer it up by giving it a hug, which it will forward on with another reply Tweet.

[Link]

Lonely people often turn to pets to fill the void, but not everyone is cut out for the responsibility. Perfect Petzzz offer a solution with a robot that looks and breathes like a real dog or cat during a slumber that is interrupted only by an on/off switch or the death of a D battery. It’s all of the fun of owning a dog that’s in a coma without all of the hassle. [Perfect Petzzz]

Tired of coming home to an empty house every night? The Expected Curtain makes it appear from the outside as though you have several friends just hanging out in your home, enjoying a motionless staring contest for hours and hours on end. [Link]

One of the saddest products on this list has to be the girlfriend pillow. But look at the guy in the photo — he seems content with a soft, uni-breasted torso. Plus he has the option of picking up a lap pillow for more intimate moments. Also available in a boyfriend version.

Thanks to 64 strategically located actuators, this jacket from Philips reacts with scenes from movies — heightening your emotional reaction. For example, it might hug you repeatedly during a Lifetime movie or pulse like a heartbeat during a tense scene in a horror flick. [Link]

It seems like economy seats on aeroplanes are made for Hobbits. If only I was riding first class on a Swiss International flight. The new cabins on their A330 fleet make it seem like you are sitting in a cafe or restaurant. [Link]

Needless to say, bringing gadgets on planes is a pain in the arse these days. Airport “checkpoint friendly” bags make it easier for security to check the contents of your bag which, in turn, helps you zip through faster. [Mobile Edge via Link]

Want a new iPod or digital camera for your trip? Gadget vending machines like this one can help you pass the time at airports. Maybe you want to use this opportunity to diversify your portfolio and invest in gold? No problem — there are airport vending machines for that too.

I have trouble sleeping on aeroplanes (see earlier reference to aeroplane Hobbit seats) and I don’t mind looking like an idiot for a few hours if it means getting a little extra rest. Enter the Nap Cap. It keeps your head from swaying side to side during the flight, making conditions more comfortable for sleeping. Of course, you will probably end up leaning forward, mouth wide open, drooling in your lap. [Vacation Gadgets via Link]

Several major airports have begun using mobile phone boarding passes to help save passengers time. Unfortunately, my airport isn’t one of them. [Link]

Even if you can’t have fancy seats like the ones featured earlier on this list, you can still spice things up with these PlaneSheets slipcovers. Choose from options like “Leopard” and “Camo”. Oh yes, you may be in coach but your style is first class all the way. Plus, the slipcovers help separate you from any germs and other nastiness that might be lurking on your seat. [PlaneSheets]

Lighting a charcoal grill is a pain in the ass—pure and simple. A chimney works well, but this hot air starter works faster (60 seconds to be exact). The device doesn’t use lighter fluid, instead it heats up air to 700C. If 60 seconds isn’t fast enough for you, there are other, considerably more dangerous alternatives. [Hammacher via Link]

Dead batteries aren’t something you want to mess around with when you really need a flashlight. The 5.11 Tactical series UC3.400 LED can shine at a super-bright 90 lumens for 90 minutes on a charge that only takes 90 seconds. [5.11 Tactical via Link]

Manually loading pictures and video to your desktop and/or various social networking sites is a waste of time. Eye-Fi’s line of wireless SD cards cut out the middleman by automatically delivering media to the computers and websites you specify over a Wi-Fi connection. [Eye-Fi]

The Taipei 101 skyscraper has 101 floors above ground and five floors below. Needless to say, you are going to need a pretty fast elevator in order to avoid standing in a cramped space for an extended period of time. It just so happens that the Taipei 101 has the world’s fastest elevator—capable of travelling between floors at 60km/h. Hit the following link to see just how fast that really is. [Link]

Even if you could satisfy a woman, chances are it would take considerably more time and physical effort than you are able to spend. Fortunately, Suart Meloy has himself a real-life orgasmitron. The implant is attached to the nerves in your spine responsible for sexual pleasure. Simply clicking on a remote control should result in near instant orgasms for both men and women. [io9 via Link]

Believe it or not, there are several European spas/breweries that will help you wash away stress in a bath of beer. Starkenberg brewery in Tarrenz, Austria even goes so far as to fill up an entire pool with barrels of its own Pilsner. The experience will set you back around $US200, but you could always save a little money and drink junk-steeped suds at home by filling up your bathtub with Miller Lite. [Starkenberger and NYT]

If you really want to get away, Aerion is the only private jet that will get you there at supersonic speeds. The only problem is that you will have to make reservations five years in advance—and have pockets deep enough to foot the $US80 million bill. [Link]

Why travel when you have a $US6 million theatre right in your own home? Apparently that’s what Jeremy Kipnis was thinking when he built this ridiculous setup complete with 8.8 channels of surround sound, 16 subwoofers and video resolution four times better than 1080p. Seats three. [Kipnis via Link]

Spending your extended weekend playing video games is one thing, but spending it playing around in a homemade 747 flight simulator is quite another. Flight enthusiast Matthew Sheil was able to build a sim that rivals a $US40 million training version for “only” $US200,000. [Link]

If clubbing is your thing, you might want to swing by this 18.5sqm discotheque, located in somebody’s house. At the push of a button, users can open a hatch in the ceiling that contains a disco lighting and JBL speaker system. The remote also controls that 56,780-litre aquarium, filled with catches from the Atlantic Coast. [Electronic House]

Why go to the waterpark and wait in line with all those punk kids? For the show Prototype This on the Discovery Channel, a team of engineers built a waterslide simulator that rotates and tilts to mimic the twists and turns of the real thing. Not only might you be able to fit one of these in your own backyard, the ride is much longer than the real thing. Only downside? No splashdown. [Discovery]

I can pretty much guarantee that Russian billionaire Roman Abramovich is going to have a great long weekend, thanks to his $US350 million mega-yacht. In addition to the pools, restaurants and theatres you might expect, Abramovich’s yacht also features a missile defence system, underwater submarine entrance and two heli-pads. I’ll be thinking about this over my weekend as I sit outside in a frog-shaped kiddie pool with a six pack. [Link]

Dwindling natural resources? F–k that! I want to be travelling in style aboard a cruise ship on wheels, otherwise known as the Vario Perfect Platinum RV. Needless to say, the inside is pure luxury and entertainment, everything but the hydraulic-operated car garage, that is. [Vario via Born Rich]

Chris Rokos, a 36-year-old hedge-fund tycoon is spending nearly $US62 million to turn a run-down, 1580sqm hotel into his own private resort. It will have everything from a cinema to a climbing wall—but the most amazing feature is going to be the 4.8-metre deep diving pool in the basement. Pool party at Chris’ house! [Daily Mail]

Staying in a luxury hotel is great, but if you want more than just room service you stay at the Winvian in Connecticut. It takes themed rooms to the extreme: There’s a treehouse cottage up in a tree, a beaver lodge with a real dam, a golf cottage with “undulating floors” for putting, a music room that features “playable” architecture. The helicopter room has an actual Coast Guard chopper. [Winvian Image via Boston]