Note to Bloomberg News employees: when you're in the system updating your draft of Steve Jobs's obituary, do NOT press publish. That, though, is exactly what happened late last night, as sleuthed by our buddies over at Gawker. Now, pre-writing obits for prominent figures such as the Steve, in good health and in bad, is totally S.O.P. in the media--so this should not be viewed as yet another non-statement on Jobs's personal health. But unfortunately, we're all going to die (but not all of us will come back more powerful than you can possibly imagine), so reading this and imagining a world without Steve is more an entertaining mind fuck than anything else. And that's just for us--imagine what it must be like to read your own obituary. Read on for an excerpt, with more over at Gawker.

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It seems a random app crash bug plaguing the iPhone 2.0 software has concerned El Jobso enough to make him personally reply to a user email. According to AppleInsider one of their readers received an email from Jobs that read "this is a known iPhone bug that is being fixed in the next software update in September."

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"Firmware update" sounds like something you'd want. Something solid, yet fresh and new. But lately deciding to update is getting more complicated. The newest firmware is no longer just a nice downloadable present from a benevolent electronics overlord; on many devices, it has been buggy or downright dangerous to install. Manufacturers like Apple, Nintendo and Sony are increasingly releasing firmware that disables functionality for business reasons—or that just make products worse by being halfbaked. Here is a rundown of firmware updates that weren't exactly beloved by users.

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I don't know if comic strip genius Bill Watterson would like this version of his worldwide-beloved Calvin and Hobbes/Jobs--who morphs from philosophical tiger to killer CEO--but we approve. Actually, it made me laugh and wish for new strips. The drawing may not be as good as the original, but Jobs' physique and attitude feels absolutely spot on. Update: another series after the jump.

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Ars has decided to the release the full email Steve Jobs sent to Apple employees declaring that "MobileMe was simply not up to Apple's standards." There's actually not much you haven't already read, other than the additional admonishment that it "was not our finest hour." Granted, that probably means at least 20 more people were flayed than we originally believed. Here's the whole thing:

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We all know that Apple's MobileMe had a difficult birth: but it's quite another thing to be able to read the criticisms of the service from his Steveness himself. And over at Ars Technica they've got hold of an internal Apple email that Steve Jobs sent out to Apple employees detailing his displeasure that MobileMe was "not up to Apple's Standards." It needed both more time in testing, and a piece-by-piece launch, rather than attempting to launch it as a "monolithic service," he thinks.

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We should all be ashamed of ourselves. Look what our insensitive prying into Steve Jobs' medical situation has done to this poor guy. He has freaked out and gone all Chris Crocker on us. We are awful, awful people--but we promise to change! Just don't dress up in women's clothing and dance around to iPod commercials. I don't think we could handle that. [Real Dan Lyons]

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A man ahead of his time, Steve Jobs not only developed the first iPhone circuit board prototype more than 20 years ago (though Woz did all the work), he pioneered the popped collar trend that's sweeping tanning salons, batting cages, and car modding shops everywhere. DBags everywhere salute you, sir. [Natuba]

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In declarations to NYT's Joe Nocera--one of the reporters who speculated on the health of Apple's CEO after WWDC--got a call from Steve Jobs himself. It wasn't pretty from the very beginning:

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What could be greater than a lightsaber duel between Bill Gates and Steve Jobs? A lightsaber duel where YOU get to control one. We don't want to spoil the little touches of the game, so hit the jump and see for yourself. We've already said too much.

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