When a child begins washing their hands, the sink calmly advises them to, “HURRY UP YOU LITTLE F—KER OR I WILL BITE YOUR F—KING HANDS OFF AND CHEW YOUR BONES RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU! YOUR LITTLE ARMS WILL BLEED ALL OVER THE PLACE, SPILLING OUT MY MOUTH AND ONTO THE FLOOR. YOUR DEATH WILL COME SLOWLY AS YOUR PERCEPTION PAINFULLY FADES TO GREY AND THEN BLACK — BY THE WAY, YOU WON’T BE GOING TO HEAVEN BECAUSE THERE’S NO GOD, SO YOUR BODY WILL JUST ROT IN THE GROUND AS YOUR EXISTENCE AS YOU KNOW IT CEASES FOR AN ETERNITY YOU’LL NEVER SEE. AND DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON WHAT DAD WILL SAY WHEN HE SEES THE MESS YOU MADE! WHAT A FU—K UP! NO WONDER YOUR PARENTS ARE GETTING A DIVORCE! WHAT? THEY DIDN’T TELL YOU? WELL STOP YOUR GODDAMN CRYING ABOUT IT, TEARS ARE A WASTE OF PRECIOUS WATER!”

(Or the sink uses an IR sensor, like you find in public rest rooms.) [Design Boom via inhabitots via inhabitat]

The folks at Dwell have tapped cognitive scientist and design consultant Don Norman to offer up his unique opinion on the design of several faucets—demonstrating that there are people out there that think way too hard about this stuff.

“There are only two things you care about besides the appearance,” he explains. “The amount of water coming out and the temperature.” This seemingly simple balance between image and duty is one that Norman understands implicitly. As an engineer his priority is making sure things operate properly, but as a psychologist he argues that there’s more to functionality than, well, functioning. “Emotions are really the most important part of life. Things have to work well, but they also should excite you.”

(Indeed—emotions and faucets go hand in hand. My faucet makes me cry…but how can I stay mad at it?)

To be honest, the reviews of these faucets are disappointing, but the point here is that these simple everyday fixtures are being thought about in a very intellectual way. I mean, Norman talks about the “aesthetic and kinesthetic pleasure” of the water stream for God’s sake. I get it though. With a background in art and design I can appreciate the massive amount of engineering that can sometimes be employed on items we take for granted. In fact, some of the most cutting edge designers are working on sinks and faucets these days. Coffee makers are getting this treatment as well. It’s just pouring water over a bean but there are some crazy elaborate concepts out there. And why not? These are gadgets we use every single day. [Dwell via BBG]

Koehler (not to be confused with the American Kohler company) also included an elegant control system that increases temperature by twisting the knob on the side and increases water pressure by adjusting the position of the tap. Again, this is only a concept at the moment, but the good news is that you can achieve similar results with a $US4 plastic add-on. [Koehler via DVICE]

In a world filled with crazy sink designs, the Abisko sink from Eumar just might be the craziest. Seriously, I want to ride this thing.

If you are less about waterparks and more about peaceful zen gardens, the Abisko also evokes the feeling of a gently flowing stream—complete with waterfalls. So far, there is no word on pricing—but it is safe to say that this will set you back some serious cash. Hopefully, they will make a matching urinal version. Now THAT would be something (truly horrible). [Eumar via Trendir via DVICE]

It may not talk to you, but the wall-mounted Ondus does have cool features like a touchpad control, digital temperature readout and handy holders for your soap and cups. The price of this magnificent bathroom fixture is unknown but, as they say, if you have to ask you probably can’t afford it. [Grohe via Trendir]

The design creates a sideways waterfall effect that ends up tapering down into a well-targeted spot in the sink itself. It also features LED water temp indicators and an on/off button that looks like it belongs on a piece of home theatre equipment. I really love the way it flows though. It looks like you could take a full on shower in the sink if you had to. [Octopus Design via MoCo Loco via DVICE]

I’m sure that is part of the inspiration behind designer Shen Di’s “+shifter” faucet concept. However, the true purpose behind the design is a unique method of conserving water. You see, the faucet regulates the water flow from low to high as the gears progress upward.

The concept certainly looks interesting, but there is one major problem: how do you control the temperature? [Yanko via DVICE]

Indeed, the sink is basically a bucket with a drain and can be removed from its housing for tasks like watering plants, washing your car and bathing pets. Naturally, that means you are conserving and reusing excess water—so it is eco friendly as well. Sounds like a smart product to me—and the $US25 price tag isn’t bad either. [Hughie via Trendir]

[Frattini via Trendir via Newlaunches via DVICE]