The Dream Cat Venus is coming to Japan this month for $US110. Both touch and sound sensitive, the Venus (no relation to the planet or the feminine razor) reacts to your petting and talking with a proper amount of nudging and purring. And like the Sony Aibo, the Dream Cat can actually “see” through its camera-enabled eyes.

But does this poor robot need to look like the product from a My First Taxidermy kit? Drop the realism for a moment, Sega, and let these helpless kittenbots out of your dungeon in the uncanny valley. Such amoral plush tactics may work fine to tease the buffets of Melmac, but no one wants to see Japan become Melmac…any more than it already has. [Sega Toys (pdf) via CrunchGear]

Dr. Itami, who is actually not a sex doctor by any means, said that a competitor was “illegally using images and video from Itami.com” to promote their product. I’m not sure what the competitive angle would be here, but definitely see the humour—hence, the hoax conclusion. Something about the product was just so over the top that it even earned an “assuming this isn’t all a prank” disclaimer in our writeup.

In a way, it’s all a bit sad. LoveTrainer.com is now a placeholder site and will almost certainly never come back, but more importantly what, without the LoveTrainer, will happen to my sex life, our sex lives, and sex as a phenomenon? Things look bleak, people. [LoveTrainer, RIP]

Made by Sega Toys (oh, how far the mighty have fallen) and resembling company’s Body Trainer exercise aid almost exactly, this odd little gadget measures your heart rate, providing you with helpful messages during the course of whatever undoubtedly depressing sexual episode you’ve decided it should be a part of. You can listen to these messages at the website (slightly NSFW, highly recommended), but here they are in convenient, easily printable list form:

The foreplay, will now begin!
Please confirm the heart rate sensor!
Your stamina will be evaluated!
The lovemaking, will now begin!
Following the beat, make love much harder!
You are making love, at a very good pace!
Making love a bit more gentler, would be perfect!
Well done! Let’s make love more regularly!

The LoveTrainer will also pipe in music from your iPod for personal enjoyment, just in case you’re too embarrassed to put your Star Wars Imperial March brand of doin’-it music on actual speakers. The privilege of using the LoveTrainer will set you back $US80, assuming this entire site isn’t some kind of elaborate hoax. [LoveTrainer—Thanks, Chris!]