The two types of issues we’re seeing most are cracks in the screen and a completely dead computer on delivery. What’s most plausible is that the packaging just wasn’t designed to handle the size and weight of the giant 27-inch iMac as it gets tossed around the cab of a FedEx truck. Apple has so far been extremely responsive and effective in making repairs and exchanges, but it’s still a discomfiting sign – if you’re about to buy a new iMac, you might want to wait and see if Apple announces a fix for whatever’s going on before you take the plunge. [Apple Forums via Engadget]

According to separate reports from different parts of the country, Apple denied coverage for two users in 2008 based on the fact that OSHA lists cigarette smoke as a biohazard. Both techs refused service to the computers not because the smoke damaged them, but because it’s considered hazardous to a tech’s health to work on a contaminated unit.

Both owners tried to appeal their cases, even going all the way up to Steve Jobs. Unlike this guy, they weren’t as lucky.

These are just two isolated incidents though, and in the comments at Consumerist some smokers are reporting having no trouble getting their computers serviced by Apple. It appears to be on a case-by-case basis, not a hard-set policy. Any smokers out there ever run into trouble getting Apple to repair hardware? [Consumerist via Slashdot]

If you have a problem with your TV, like a certain 70-year old Missouri man did with his converter box during the DTV transition, DO NOT get loaded, shoot it and engage in a stand-off with the police. [Gizmodo]

If you work in a tech-related retail store, DO NOT do what 29-year-old Aaron Seiber did and stab yourself so you don’t have to go. Making up a phony story about a skinhead attack to the police doesn’t help matters either. [Gizmodo]

If you have trouble getting up the stairs, escalators are a real lifesaver. However, DO NOT use one like the man in this video.

If your phone dies, DO NOT take it to get fixed and threaten to shoot it in the shop with the 9mm concealed in your jacket. There are no mobile phones in prison — unless you have a really good hiding place (and there is only one really good hiding place). [Gizmodo]

If you have a tall hedge and no gadget designed to trim it, DO NOT raise your ride-on mower up with a crane to do the job like this lunatic from New Zealand. [Gizmodo]

So you have bought a new phone and you are not sure what to do with your old one. Unless is is complete garbage, DO NOT smash it. Mobile phone retailers have recycling bins specifically for old mobiles. If you want an iPhone to smash, there are cheaper ways to do it. [Gizmodo]

If your kid acts up, DO NOT drag him around on the floor with a leash. Someone with a cameraphone is bound to make a video of the whole incident and share it with the police.

If your internet connection goes down while playing an online game, DO NOT vent your frustrations by grabbing a knife and stabbing the first 15-year-old girl that walks down the street near your home. You could wind up in a mental hospital with pending manslaughter charges. [Gizmodo]

I abused my iPhone and it’s got the marks to tell the stories. The most annoying though are the scratches on the pretty silver bezel, but as Lifehacker shows us, they can easily be eliminated using a kitchen sponge.

As you can see in the video, all that you really need to do is smoothly stroke the bezel with the rough (usually green) scrubbing surface of a kitchen sponge. Just don’t forget to use masking tape to protect the rest of the phone. It’s the simplest cosmetic surgery you’ll ever do.

While I don’t know how my iPhone will cope with losing its manly bezel battle scars, I know that it’ll at least look far nicer again. [Just Another iPhone Blog via Lifehacker]

Last week I called Dell Technical Support about my Dell Studio 1537 Laptop and a DVD drive which was making loud noises and ejecting all cds. I had the basic “mail-in” warranty which required I ship them the laptop back. After my phone conversation with overseas tech support I received an empty box with a prepaid packing slip to mail the laptop back. A couple days ago I received both an automated email and phone call that my laptop was coming back to me. This morning, Fedex delivered a refurbished hard drive – yes just a hard drive.

I began my calling spree this morning and spoke to 7, yes 7, different Dell reps who transferred me between technical support, customer service, and back to technical support. After about 90 minutes of phone calls, hold music, and redialing I’m stuck with a 250gb hard drive but no laptop. Who do I call for help?

Oh, so he expected the whole computer to come back to him. I see. Perhaps this is some sort of new “you’ll get a hard drive and like it” approach to customer support Dell is trying out. I don’t see it working. Incidentally, Consumerist suggests sending emails to michael@dell.com in situations like this. Apparently, the messages are routed to an executive relations team that has been helpful in the past. [Consumerist Image via 60 in 3]

And lo, the winged horse of the Apocalypse bounded through the sky: Apple is acknowledging the white MacBook’s legendary hairline cracks along the bottom enclosure, and will actually fix it, regardless of your warranty.

An internal bulletin reportedly circulated last month to service providers points out four specific areas of the case that are especially prone to hairline cracking: the front, under the palmrests and trackpad, around the I/O ports, near back rear corners, and around the rear vents.

When examining your cracked out MacBook, if the service provider can’t find any signs it’s all your fault, the bulletin advises them to bump it for coverage by Apple even if the one-year warranty is up. As AppleInsider notes, this effectively reverses their previous policy of not covering repairs for the MacBook’s bottom casing, which could suffer from cracking even under normal use.

Hurray for plastic MacBook owners But really, you should just get a unibody enclosure, it’s made out of adamantium or something like that. Duh. [AppleInsider]

(AU:Um, looks like our US cousins are a little confused about us here in Australia. Firstly, the water does flush the other way, and secondly, everyone knows that you fix things by giving them a strong whack… it’s the Australian way!)

Everyone has a story about fixing a gadget with tough love, but this is kind of extreme. Depending on your history with flat panel TVs, this video will be either cathartic or nerve-wracking, but with the endless shouting arguments going on in the background, the maniacal glee with which our subject takes a metal bat to his television and the inexplicable success of the whole endeavor, well, it’s hard not to feel like you’ve witnessed something significant. NSFW for language. [NoWhereElse—Thanks, Steve]

According to spokesperson James Gillies, the complicated repairs can be simplified into modest Plan A and Plan B approach.

Plan A is a quick and dirty fix, getting the particle accelerator online as quickly as possible (late summer 2009) at the cost of operating at lower power. In this scenario, 3 of 8 pressure relief-system segments are replaced (only the broken ones) with the other 5 getting upgraded at unsaid maintenance dates in the future.

Plan B is the more extensive but also more delayed approach, requiring the complete redesign and replacement of the LHC’s entire pressure-relief system. Under this scenario, the LHC wouldn’t go online until 2010 at the earliest, though at that time the system could operate at full power.

As of right now, the team is moving ahead with Plan A in the interest of getting data as soon as possible. Since we have absolutely no way of knowing which course of action is best, we’ll just support whatever the crazy physics geniuses decide. [DailyTech]

Only after I had dismantled the motherboard, separated the screen and delicately pealed free the “home” button’s backplate from the adhesive that had affixed it to the machine’s front glass could I see what had disabled my iPhone.

Lint.

…Now, however, with the iPhone’s guts exposed to the world, a quick blast of compressed air cleared away the obstruction in a millisecond. The irony was inescapable–only when I had completely destroyed the iPhone could I fix it.

I don’t know that it’s a new phenomenon for gadgets to be unfixable, and it’s certainly not an Apple-exclusive problem either (though their design certainly doesn’t lend itself to easy user repair). But there is a certain, not so subtle irony that the better our tools work, the more our tools seem unable to fix one another. [PopMech]