Here are the instructions.

Once you obtain an erection via your stimuli of choice, simply place the head of the penis against the pressure sensor of the device and apply pressure towards the body for a count of 5 seconds or until the penis inflects (bends). At this point a reading will flash on one of the LED indicator lights, reflecting the quality of that erection. Use this same method each time you test to help ensure accurate results.

Basically, hold it up to your dong in order to see how strong it is. A stronger donger would mean that it bends less, a weak one means it bends more. If you have a problem, you’ll be aware of it and take steps to treat it. Knowledge is power, my friends, and this thing is power.

Stay tuned for a hands on. [Fast Size]

Roku engineers have acknowledged the problem, and are said to be looking into it. At this point they a directing blame at Netflix claiming that recent changes to the content distribution network (CDN) may have contributed to the problem, but the lack of complaints on other Netflix compatible devices like the Xbox 360 and the Samsung BD-P2500 / BD-2550 Blu-ray players make this defence unlikely.

Apparently, the problem is serious enough that some are experiencing quality drops of 50% or more with extremely low connection speeds. Just how widespread this problem is remains to be seen, so I have to ask: if you own a Roku, have you noticed any quality issues lately? [Roku Forum via Wired]

However, the new MacBook is a bit better than the old MacBook in terms of brightness, but the LED backlighting adds a bit of a blue tint to blacks. The Air doesn’t have this problem, and neither does the MacBook Pro. Minor differences, but it should help the decision if you’re trying to determine whether a MacBook is “good enough”, or if you should go for a MacBook Pro.

As a reminder, here are the MacBook vs. MacBook Pro shots. It should be obvious which is which.

Industry insiders claim that they feel the need to sacrifice dynamic range for increased volume because digital music makes it possible to squeeze all of the sound into a narrow, high-volume range. This temptation is pressed further when you try and optimise sound for the iPods crappy lo-fi earbuds. They are under the assumption that this drives sales. It is clear to me that the record industry needs to shift their focus from quantity and put it squarely back on quality. I mean—who are they trying to impress anyway? Do people really care who has the loudest album anymore? According to a recent WSJ article, even metal fans are complaining that things are getting out of hand. Do you agree? [Gawker via WSJ]

When you got to twelve months, you got somewhere between considerable fade and severe fade, which makes the page no longer usable. The lesson here is that if you’re printing out movie tickets for tonight, cheap ink is fine. If you’re printing out photos from your trip to Japan, go for quality. [Trusted Reviews via Crunchgear]

I’ve listened to it, and it sounds pretty damned good. There’s a full range of sound that you don’t often get from a setup without a subwoofer. It looks fantastic, and smells pretty awesome too. If it weren’t so heavy, it could almost be considered pantsworthy.

But part of me wonders exactly how much of a market there is for this type of product in the day and age of the iPod. Considering that the A-S2000 has an RRP of $2,999 and the CD-S2000 costs $2,599, would you be happy to spend more than five grand on a CD setup?

Sure, it does play back SACDs too, and you can opt to go for one or the other and not the combo, but in today’s market of declining CD sales and digital downloads, is a high-end CD player obsolete? When a 160GB iPod sets you back $479 and lets you store a large music collection in lossless, I know where my money would be headed (if I had money to spend, that is).

[Yamaha]

Mind you, Ditech is not a disinterested party, but a company whose mission is to improve “voice quality through continuous innovation and leadership for the world’s communications companies.” It’s a little like the door-to-door vacuum salesman coming in to show you how dirty your carpets really are. But the press release below contains details of the study, which in my opinion corroborates what I myself have experienced, and what you’ve probably dealt with too. Unfortunately, they’re not breaking it down by carrier, though their customers do include Sprint, Verizon and AT&T (but not, apparently, T-Mobile), so it’s at least a reasonably thorough US sample. [Ditech Networks]

Audit of 630 Million Live Mobile Calls Shows 39% Fall Below Industry Minimum Standard For Voice Quality

Largest Wireless Audit Finds Startling Percentage Of Live Calls In The “Churn Zone”

MOUNTAIN VIEW, Calif., Feb. 6, 2008- Ditech Networks (NASDAQ: DITC), a leading provider of voice quality solutions to the global communications industry, today announced the results of its worldwide voice quality audit, which showed that an average of 39 percent of all mobile calls fall below the industry minimum standard for voice quality, often called the “churn zone”. The data was captured in the largest audit conducted in the mobile services industry to measure how mobile devices and the caller’s environment affect voice quality. Ditech collected and analyzed information obtained from more than 630 million live mobile calls in 16 different networks across 12 countries.

Ditech’s audits quantified for the first time significant sources of subscriber dissatisfaction, and prove that some of the biggest and most urgent problems facing the worldwide mobile services industry are voice quality impairments caused by the places where people make calls, and by the wide variety of mobile devices like phones and headsets. Industry research has shown that calls falling below the industry minimum for voice quality often lead to churn, which is when dissatisfaction is so strong that the subscriber terminates service.

The full report is available from Ditech by calling 650-623-1365, or by going to www.ditechnetworks.com/auditreport.htm

“Mobile service is about making calls from almost anywhere, and users expect their carrier to deliver acceptable voice quality regardless of where the call is made or what device they’re using,” said J. Gerry Purdy, Ph.D., Vice President and Chief Analyst, Mobile & Wireless Communications, at Frost & Sullivan. “Even though these kinds of voice quality problems occur outside the carrier’s network, users still blame their carrier and drop their service. By removing the effects of these external impairments, carriers can gain a strong competitive advantage.”

Ditech’s audits uncovered a number of startling facts about voice quality in the mobile services industry:

• In mature markets such as the U.S. and Western Europe, 23 percent of all calls fall below the industry minimum.
• In rapid growth markets, such as the Middle East, India and South America, 59 percent of all calls fall below the industry minimum.
• Ambient noise, or noise that originates in the caller’s environment and enters the device’s microphone, was rated “objectionable” on up to 50 percent of all calls in some regions.
• Acoustic echo, which is often caused by mobile handsets and headsets, was rated “objectionable” on up to 11 percent of all calls in some regions.
• Voice level mismatch, which makes it sound like a caller is speaking either too loudly or too softly, was rated “objectionable” on up to 28 percent of all calls in some regions.

“Until Ditech’s audits, mobile service providers only had data about network-induced voice quality problems, which are issues that originate within the network, or subjective information from consumer public opinion surveys,” said Todd Simpson, President and CEO of Ditech Networks. “When voice quality impairments originating from the subscriber’s environment are added to impairments originating in the network, the communications industry finally has a complete and accurate picture of actual voice quality that is experienced by customers. Carriers now have actionable information for pinpointing the sources of voice quality impairments, like ambient noise and echo.”

The audits were conducted using Experience Intelligence (EXi), a technology developed by Ditech that quantifies the impact of voice quality impairments caused by the places where people make calls, codec impairments, and mobile devices like phones and headsets. EXi is based on the International Telecommunications Union (ITU) G.107 E-Model, a widely used industry standard, and the technology has been utilized in the communications industry as a complement to existing voice quality test and measurement solutions.

The audit data was used to derive an R-Factor, which is a 1-100 (best) rating system developed by the ITU to assess customer satisfaction with voice quality. The R-Factor was converted to a Mean Opinion Score (MOS), which is widely used in the mobile services industry to rate voice quality on a scale of 1 to 5 (best.) The ITU has set the minimum level of acceptable voice quality at R-Factor 50, or MOS 2.5. Voice quality that is rated below these minimums is considered unacceptable.

In September 2007, Ditech released a report on the global economic impact of dissatisfaction with mobile call quality, and found that the communications industry is already feeling the pinch. Poor voice quality is believed to have caused more than 66,583,174 mobile subscribers to leave their service provider during 2007, ultimately costing the global mobile services industry approximately $23.6 billion. The report is available on Ditech’s website at www.ditechnetworks.com.

Note to editors: For further information about how EXi is being used in the communications industry, see Ditech’s announcement made on Jan. 30, 2008.

About Ditech Networks

Ditech Networks is shaping the future of voice quality through continuous innovation and leadership for the world’s communications companies. Ditech’s voice quality solutions are deployed in wireless and wireline networks to optimize the call experience. By delivering consistent, dependable voice quality, Ditech’s products help global communications companies meet the multiple challenges of service differentiation, network expansion and call capacity. Ditech’s customers include Verizon, Sprint/Nextel, Orascom Telecom, AT&T, China Unicom, Global Crossing and West Corporation. Ditech Networks is headquartered in Mountain View, California. For more information, visit www.ditechnetworks.com.

Forward Looking Statement

This press release contains forward-looking statements regarding Ditech Networks’ expectations of the benefits the global communications industry will receive using Ditech’s EXi solution. Actual results could differ materially as a result of unanticipated factors and events, including the risk that Ditech Networks’ EXi solution may exhibit unforeseen technical problems that will preclude those benefits from being utilized, as well as those detailed in the “Future Growth and Operating Results Subject to Risk” in Part I, Item 2 of Ditech Networks’ Quarterly Report on Form 10-Q for the quarter ended Oct. 31, 2007 (filed Dec. 7, 2007 with the Securities and Exchange Commission).