Scientists have connected up the world's first computer network protected by "quantum cryptography," a supposedly unbreakable system that functions off a scheme based on the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle. For us non-science folk, that means that you can't grab information transmitted through the network without disturbing it somehow, making it easy to detect when somebody's trying to listen in on exchanges.

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Well, the LHC may be out of commission until April, but the LHC Computing Grid, otherwise known as the world's largest computing grid, was just switched on. The system is comprised of combined computing power from 33 countries. That's 140 computer centres crunching 15 million gigabytes of LHC data per year (or roughly six CDs/second at its peak).

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The Large Hadron Collider, which has been delayed due to some problems with a helium link, now has a date for when it'll go back online: early April. It's going to be so long not just because of the problem, but because there was already a scheduled maintenance from November 15th through April anyways, as there will be every year. This reduces the strain on the French power grid during the winter months and gives them a chance to make sure the collider is always running in top shape. [CNET]

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Carbon nanotubes have been popping on Giz for a while, touted as one of the next wonder-materials—but a new development in their manufacture means they may not remain "future technology" for long. In fact the work of a team at CSIRO and the University of Texas at Dallas means that commercial-scale production of sheets of carbon nanotube "textile" is possible at up to seven metres per minute.

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It looks as thought the magnet situation that shut down the LHC last week is going to take even more time to correct than previously feared. In order to fully investigate the problem, researchers have decided to hold off a restart until sometime in the spring of 2009. Robert Aymar, director-general of CERN called the situation "a psychological blow," but getting this beast is in good working order must be the top priority. Apparently, the fire department rushed to the scene after a little over a ton of liquid helium leaked into LHCs super-long tunnel, causing around 100 of the magnets to overheat. Take your time guys—we don't need any more drama with a device that could bring down the world. [BBC]

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The CERN scientists said the LHC's big malfunction this weekend was the result of a "faulty electrical connection between two magnets that stopped superconducting, melted and led to a mechanical failure and let the helium out," but we snarky Internet folk know better. It was performance anxiety! With more than a billion people tuning in to watch the first proton beams make their way around the 22.5km ring, the LHC just got a little potty shy. "It is quite overwhelming," said CERN spokesman James Gillies. "We weren't just on the news, we were top of the news." And now you're buried under a mountain of repairs. Get to work so the world can end already! [New Scientist]

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Barely a week after it was powered up for the first time, the Large Hadron Collider was shut down temporarily when an electrical fault struck a cooling system for the high-powered magnets responsible for steering beams of particles through the tunnel. It should really come as no surprise that problems would pop up from time to time given the immense complexity of the LHC—a sentiment echoed by an LHC spokesman when she said that stoppages would be" normal" given the fact that the system is still in its commissioning phase.[Physorg]

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NEW HAVEN, CONNECTICUT. (Agencies) The scientific world is shocked today as Michael Zeller--a professor of physics at Yale who has been working at the Large Hadron Collider--reportedly misquoted the Star Trek tagline "Where no man has gone before" and, further shattering the Universe time-space fabric, attributed it to Star Wars:

"What did they say in 'Star Wars'? We're going where no man has ever been? Well, that's where we're going," Zeller said in declarations to the Yale Daily News about the LHC first beam test last Wednesday. Professor Zeller helped create the zero degree calorimeter used in Atlas, one of the main experiments at CERN's multi-billion dollar Large Hadron Collider.

"No that's not where you are going, old man!" replied in a telephone interview with the Wichita Early Star a visibly angered William Shatner, "You are going to the cuckoo house, that's where you are going! Where no man has ever been? Are you out of your mind? Have you had way too much Alvanian brandy yesterday? Did you forget your red pill? I can't believe you are one of the guys in charge of that damn doomsday ring."

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Despite repeated assurances by experts that the Large Hadron Collider would not bring about the end of the world, it appears that one 16-year-old girl in central India decided to commit suicide by drinking pesticide rather than face that remote possibility. Her father noted that several Indian programs aired doomsday predictions in the days leading up to the test run, which left her inconsolable. As tragic as this is, I can't help but wonder why someone would rather go out by drinking pesticide than being painlessly vaporised. [news.com.au via Uberreview]

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Though the Large Hadron Collider didn't kill us when those crazy CERN scientists closed their eyes, said a prayer, recited a few theorems and switched it on for the first time, the secret is that it could have killed us. When they built the collider, the scientists installed a black-hole creation button. (The button is real, but it doesn't actually do anything.)

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