Gizmodo Australia » parody

The Seven Types Of Employees You Meet At Best Buy

Adam Frucci — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 19:20:00 +0000

Have you ever noticed that no matter which Best Buy you go into, you end up seeing the same people working there? That’s because there are seven types of people that work at every single Best Buy, with no exceptions.

A little known fact about me is that I worked at Best Buy for a couple of years in high school before getting fired for badly, badly abusing the employee discount system. But while there I learned a lot about the types of people that work in such an establishment, and I’ve noticed the same people in other Best Buys that I’ve been to since. So here are my list of the seven types of people you’ll find there, from a former employee’s perspective.

AU: Even though this is for Best Buy, it’s still an entertaining read.

Illustrations by Dan Meth

Next time you go to Best Buy, be on the lookout. I promise you’ll see at least a couple of these characters.

Car Audio Thug
You’ll find this guy in the car audio department. He’s got a big plug earring in each ear, some form of facial hair out of a late-90’s R&B video and tattoos on his forearms. He tears into the parking lot every day, tires squealing, bass blasting, in a late-model Civic that he’s dumped thousands of dollars into. You suspect that if he didn’t have a job selling car stereos, he’d be stealing them.

Marginally Cute Customer Service Girl
This girl works at the customer service desk or as a cashier. She’s maybe 17 years old and is kind of cute, but only when compared to the chubby piles of sadness she’s surrounded with. Because of this, she’s constantly hit on/sexually harassed by the guys who stock CDs and DVDs. She manages to take this in stride somehow and is almost infuriatingly perky and chipper. The chances of her having hooked up with the car audio thug are very high.

Grizzled Old Home Theater/Computer Sales Lifer
This guy has seen some shit. He’s a refugee from Lechmere or Tweeter or some other now-defunct retail outlet. He knows the most about the products he sells, which is why all the part-time high school employees send customers with actual questions his way. He’s got an air of resigned acceptance about his life, and while he’s all-business with customers, he’s got no filter with fellow employees. He tells inappropriate jokes and talks vulgarly about the managers behind their back. He has a strictly regimented cigarette break every 2.5 hours that he never, ever misses.

Pervy Geek Squad Guy
This guy searches every computer that’s in for service for porn, collecting everything he finds on an external HDD that he keeps in the back. He talks in graphic terms about what he’d do to women who he sees enter the store, but when he talks to them he’s totally professional. You suspect that he pleasures himself behind the plastic curtains, but you don’t want to confirm this. He’s got a level 80 World of Warcraft character. Somehow, he and the grizzled old sales guy are buddies and eat lunch together.

Sad Department Manager
This guy went to college then, after graduation, moved back home with his parents to save money. He ended up getting a job at Best Buy while he “figured stuff out.” It’s 10 years later and he still lives in the town he went to high school in, is balding, gained 15 pounds and is the manager of the digital cameras department. He’s perfectly adequate at his job, but talking to him for more than 5 minutes just makes you so damned sad.

Slick Careerist Manager
This guy wants to go right to the top. He runs team meetings, irons his blue polos, and gets a hard-on when talking about accessory sales and service-plan attach rates. He’s climbing the ladder with everything he’s got, and he spews corporate nonsense with the passion of a true believer. You’ve never seen him have an actual human interaction with someone, and you wonder if he even has any furniture in his apartment. He may be a robot.

Terrifying Loss-Prevention Guy
This guy is either an ex-con, an ex-cop or a vet. He is jacked yet forced to wear a yellow polo shirt, which creates a false sense of levity when dealing with him. He may seem friendly on the outside, but if you cross him he will snap your neck. He legitimately thinks that it’s unfair that Best Buy security guys aren’t allowed to carry sidearms. He has so much rage bottled up inside him that you know to just say hello and smile and otherwise steer clear.

Microsoft’s REAL Vision of the Future

Jason Chen — Tue, 19 May 2009 20:20:00 +0000

We were extremely impressed with Microsoft’s Vision of the future, but we’re even more impressed with it after it’s been through Sarcastic Gamer’s lens.

We still want to live here though. [IGN]

Did Freeview Pull Down That Parody Ad? (UPDATED: Yes, They Did)

Nick Broughall — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 23:30:15 +0000

What started out as a funny, accurate and refreshing take on the farce that is Freeview in Australia has grown into something much uglier. UPDATED.Last week, after we showed you the parody ad by comedian Dan Ilic and Triple J presenter Marc Fennell, advertising publication Adnews reported that Freeview were considering legal action against the duo. That was quickly updated, but not before a heap of publications like Crikey, The Australian, and TechWiredAU picked up on it. Of course, when they were questioned about threatening legal action against the video’s makers, Freeview responded with a clear and concise, “No”.

So, you’d think that would be the end of it. But no. Hours after Freeview denied threatening legal action, YouTube pulled the video for allegedly violating terms of use. Asher Moses over at the SMH is convinced that the only way that could have happened is if Freeview requested YouTube to pull the clip down, while Freeview has explicitly denied any such action to Margaret Simons over at Crikey.

The end result of all of this, of course, is that a funny video that would have only lasted a few days in the eyes of the Internet has now received mainstream coverage for five days or so, amplifying the message that Freeview is a joke.

So who’s telling the truth? Ultimately, it doesn’t matter, because as any online evangelist will tell you, once something goes online, you can never take it back. The original parody, although pulled from YouTube, has shown up on several other sites, expanding its audience even further. The real question is whether Freeview is actually going to learn from the experience – my heart hopes it does, but my gut knows it won’t…

UPDATE:Turns out those bastards at Freeview did have the clip pulled down. In an email to Margaret Simons at Crikey, Google spokeman Rob Shilkin said:

I wanted to confirm that we received a DMCA notice for lawyers acting on behalf of Freeview Australia Limited to remove the video in question.

So, essentially the Freeview lawyers (and the people who pay them) are lying douchebags. Kind of makes me glad I have Foxtel, really.

[Freeview Parody Ad on Giz]

Kim Jong Il’s Plan to Bring the Moon to North Korea Isn’t Actually Real…Right Guys?

Mark Wilson — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 22:00:00 +0000

Breaking news from The Onion: Kim Jong Il will transport the moon to North Korea by 2015. And it’s a plan that’s so damn crazy that it just might work. [via bbGadgets]

The Mactini: The Inevitable Future of Apple in a Post-Netbook World

John Herrman — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 09:42:22 +0000

Who could have guessed that the most prescient technologist of our day would be a relatively unknown British sketch comedian?

Peter Serafinowicz, of the possibly acclaimed Peter Serafinowicz Show, has put together a couple videos in the style of Apple’s stodgy online product demonstration videos, imagining two new products from the company. The iToilet, below, is relatively uninspired (it’s funny because it’s impossible, and something to do with bathrooms! Ha!) but the Mactini is kind of fantastic. Not to mention Serafinowicz’s wonderfully convincing half-Jobs, half-generic-demo-guy character, who is only a wandering eye outside of fitting right into Apple’s product tour rotation. UPDATE: It turns out that Serafinowsicz is partially responsible for the hilarious Look Around You series, so this sketch is no fluke. The vids are taken from his forthcoming Christmas special sketch show, which you can preview here. [Cult of Mac]

Steve Ballmer Looks Younger, More Handsome In 3G Juice Parody

Jason Chen — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 22:00:00 +0000

Remember Steve Ballmer’s Windows 1 infomercial? Here’s our buddy Richard Blakeley in his 3G Juice spoof.

On a side note, isn’t it amazing that Ballmer looks exactly the same now as he did then? Poor guy looked like he was in his 50s when he was in his 30s.

Parody: Obama Caters to the YouTube Crowd

Mark Wilson — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 14:00:00 +0000

We’ve all heard about Obama’s YouTube addresses, but even a popular President Elect has to compete for clicks using cleavage, kittens and funny dance moves. (video after jump – beware, big braziered breasts be ahead)

I wouldn’t mind seeing Obama up the ante a bit by introducing Biden as his own Ed McMahon. [via digg]

‘I’m a PC’ Guy Interviewed, Confirmed Dorky

Mark Wilson — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 21:45:00 +0000

Sean Siler is Microsoft’s employee and “I’m a PC” guy, the response to Apple’s long running PC parody famously acted by John Hodgman. Don’t get us wrong. There’s little to no content in this interview, but you get a good look at Siler sans brown jacket. Plus, you get to see what his hair normally looks like. (SPOILER ALERT: He slicks it back Gordon Gekko style). [via CrunchGear]

Are You a PC?

Matt Buchanan — Sat, 27 Sep 2008 20:00:00 +0000

Windows finally has a slogan you’ll remember—not a bad one, either—so it was only a matter of time before it was transformed into the next internet meme. Take When Obama Wins, blend with Redmond’s latest branding, shake, and you’ve got And I’m a PC. You can pound the refresh key to see the genius (or not) of the hundreds of subversive sloganeers before you, or add your own. So far, it’s mostly a mix of McCain jabs, Windows smears, and Mac & Linux cheerleading, but still fairly entertaining. What kind of PC are you? [And I'm a PC via Ad Freak via The Presurfer]

Wii Music Parody Really Gives Nintendo What’s Coming

Jason Chen — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 22:50:00 +0000

Wii Music, Nintendo’s “answer” to the music and rhythm games, is considered by many (including us) as one of the worst things Nintendo has ever put out. Good thing Sarcastic Gamer of Wii Fit and Microsoft Surface parody fame is on the job. Even though the general tech audience has resigned themselves to the fact that the public will buy any piece of crap with the Wii label on it, we’re still holding out a sliver of hope that even idiots won’t want to flail around while a guitar + xylophone + trumpet version of Yankee Doodle blares from their TV set. [Sarcastic Gamer]