And the father of the year award goes to Ron Tajima, who created a Rooma/baby crib hybrid that he calls the Cradloomba. A better name might be Child Services Express. [GetRobo via Hack-a-Day]

It sounds almost too terrible to be true, but research is starting to show that a large crop of humanity’s future is becoming so addicted to TV time and video games that their basic communication skills are not materialising. Instead, UK kids are apparently Dr. Who savants with wicked hand-eye coordination. That’s great for Halo online multiplayer, but not great for the kids, as the epidemic is purportedly more prevalent than dyslexia or autism, experts said.

The problem has spurred Tory MP John Bercow to propose an ambitious nation-wide screening program to ID these developmentally challenged youths and treat them accordingly. The screening tests would be conducted during routine annual checkups just like an eye or hearing test test.

And a brief aside to close things out: Video games at two years old? I think I was trying to put square blocks into circular holes, but whatever. I’m not jealous just as sure as I am that my name is… [The Telegraph]

That’s what the chain gets for serving beer to parents already trying to cope with brats and arcade machine sound effects for hours on end. Not to mention the 30 minute performance of the Rocka-fire explosion animatronic band, playing on a 30 minute loop. Also, throw in the parental insincts to protect your kid from being sat on by the fat kid in the ball pit, and you’ve basically tossed a match to the powder keg.

The environment also brings out what security experts call the “mama-bear instinct.” A Chuck E. Cheese’s can take on some of the dynamics of the animal kingdom, where beasts rush to protect their young when they sense a threat.

Parents aren’t able to contain their blood lust anymore, put under the pressure of this scenario, and it is happening in Chuck E. Cheeses all over the country, in statistically significant numbers, according to various local police officers. Finally, a mainstream paper, the WSJ, reports what I’ve known since I worked there as a teen: Chuck E Cheese is pure evil. Here’s are the blow by blows of a few particularly gruesome fights, including one involving 85 people:

Chuck E. Cheese’s Blotter

Brookfield, Wisc.: April 5, 2008

Seven Brookfield Police officers broke up a fight that involved as many as 40 people, according to police reports. The altercation broke out after an uninvited guest showed up at a child’s birthday party. No one was arrested. (See police report.)

Flint, Mich.: Jan. 26, 2008

Flint Township police responded to a call about a large fight at Chuck E. Cheese’s that involved as many as 85 people, according to police reports. A fight inside the restaurant between three females erupted, pepper gas was sprayed and people flooded outside the restaurant into the back parking lot. (See police report.)

Toledo, Ohio: Feb. 4, 2007

Police responded to the scene after a fight broke out. Several parents complained about children who were having their picture drawn at one of the machines and then continued to sit there after the drawings were complete. Parents began calling names and then throwing punches. Several people were injured and several cited for disorderly conduct. (See police report.)

Matteson, Ill.: 2007-2008

Police have responded to 12 disturbance calls at Chuck E. Cheese in the last year, said a local law enforcement official. The disturbances ranged in seriousness and included one in which two men attacked another man at a birthday party.

Milwaukee, Wisc.: Aug. 11, 2006

Upon officers’ arrival at a south side Chuck E. Cheese’s, they spoke with a male who stated that during a verbal argument, an elderly female threw a shoe at him, according to police reports. He stated the fight started over someone calling his child “ugly.” He stated he was not injured, his pride was just hurt.

Topeka, Kan.: Jan. 17, 2005

Topeka Police responded to a disturbance call around 5:30 p.m., according to a department spokeswoman. Two adult females were involved in an altercation prior to police arrival. It was reported that one small child was either bumped or stuck by another child. The mothers of the girls began to argue and an altercation ensued. No one was charged.

In Pennsylvania, Susquehanna Township police are searching for suspects involved in a Nov. 9 altercation at a Chuck E. Cheese’s outside Harrisburg. The police department gets called to respond to disputes at the restaurant as many as 15 times a year, Police Chief Robert Martin says.

This most recent assault, described in police reports, occurred after a woman in her 30s approached a 6-year-old boy who was playing a videogame. When the boy went to insert more tokens to continue playing, the woman grabbed the tokens out of his hand and told him to stop hogging the game. The boy went and got his 26-year-old mother, who walked over to the woman. The woman began screaming at the boy’s mother, and another suspect, a man in his 30s, grabbed the mother by the throat and pushed her against the videogame machine. CEC employees had to pull the man off the mother. Both the man and the woman fled the scene.

How they plan on fixing it:

In Milwaukee, the store posted a sign outlining a dress code that prohibits what it calls “gang-style apparel.” That location also implemented a code of conduct that prohibits knives, chains, screwdrivers and glass cutters.

While the chain is a breeding ground for these fights, this police captain says it best:

“The biggest problem is you have a bunch of adults acting like juveniles,” says Town of Brookfield Police Capt. Timothy Imler. “There’s a biker bar down the street, and we rarely get calls there.”

Here’s another fight I found on youtube, one of many:

[WSJ]

Tummytub is a womb shaped and sized bath for babies, directly after the birth till well over one year, to ease the transistion (sic) from the familiar safe and secure womb to the unknown world.
Due to its shape babies automatically adopt a foetal positon (sic)(familiar) and being submerged in warm water (familiar), face less gravity(familiar), are in touch with the walls (familiar) and have less strain on their tummies (familiar). This makes that (sic) babies instantly relax.

Other, incidental benefits of the TummyTub is that it only requires 5 litres of water compared to the 15 or so you’d use in a normal bath (saves water and energy!), plus it’s easier on your back to carry.

Now if only they can make an adult-sized version, we’d be somewhat happier with the world…

[TummyTub via Australian Design Awards]

[ThinkGeek via Babblebaby]

Controlled via a Wii Nunchuk, the evil teddy is a modified BJ Bearytales that can move its mouth, blink, move its arms and instill a lifelong fear of both bears and robots in any impressionable child. You simply tilt the Nunchuk or use the joystick to control it, preferably while hiding in your kid’s closet in the middle of the night, waking them up to this skinned, robotic teddy bear waving its arms all by itself.

Parenting! [Bendering Time via Make]