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LHC Scientist Confuses Star Wars with Star Trek, Universe Doomed
10:00PM Jesus Diaz | digg_skin = 'compact'; digg_bgcolor = '#f1f8fa'; digg_url = 'http://digg.com/people/Scientist_Confuses_Star_Wars_with_Star_Trek_Universe_Doomed'; NEW HAVEN, CONNECTICUT. (Agencies) The scientific world is shocked today as Michael Zeller–a professor of physics at Yale who has been working at the Large Hadron Collider–reportedly misquoted the Star Trek tagline “Where no man has gone before” and, further shattering the Universe time-space fabric, attributed it to Star Wars: “What did they say in ‘Star Wars’? We’re going where no man has ever been? Well, that’s where we’re going,” Zeller said in declarations to the Yale Daily News about the LHC first beam test last Wednesday. Professor Zeller helped create the zero degree calorimeter used in Atlas, one of the main experiments at CERN’s multi-billion dollar Large Hadron Collider. “No that’s not where you are going, old man!” replied in a telephone interview with the Wichita Early Star a visibly angered William Shatner, “You are going to the cuckoo house, that’s where you are going! Where no man has ever been? Are you out of your mind? Have you had way too much Alvanian brandy yesterday? Did you forget your red pill? I can’t believe you are one of the guys in charge of that damn doomsday ring.” More »
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Galactic Empire Begins Invasion of San Francisco
8:30AM Matt Buchanan | Informed by the Bush Administration that a Rebel base is located in the heart of San Francisco, Imperial forces surrounded the city in advance of a full-scale invasion. While Imperial Admiral Piett promised administration officials that the assault would commence only if the Rebel forces fail to surrender by 8PM PDT tonight, video reports on the ground reveal that Imperial fighters have already begun flybys and the Death Star battle station has moved into position above the city. More »
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Vatican Buys Palm for $800 Million
12:00AM Jesus Diaz | ROME (Agencies) – The Vatican has bought Palm Inc. in a US$800-million cash, stock, and souls deal, a move that analysts are calling a bold bid to reconvert the Catholic Church into the number one mobile operator for communication with God. The purchase is the culmination of Pope Benedict XVI’s new push into the mobile arena. More »
Entertainment
iPhone to Feature Unlimited Movie Downloads, 37-Foot Screen
4:30AM Jesus Diaz | After rumours of an extreme price-drop and black glossy appearance, new details about the iPhone 3G keep dripping like Princess Peach’s bathroom faucet: a New York-based TV station has got exclusive details, pointing out in its news ticker that Apple’s wonderphone will feature “unlimited movie downloads.” The channel’s rumour record is practically flawless, as demonstrated by their prediction on the extension of the Iron Man trailer into a full-length movie. Full video after the jump. More »
Entertainment
Iron Man Trailer to Be Extended Into Full Feature, Sources Say
11:50AM Jesus Diaz | Sources at ONN are reporting that the ultra-popular Iron Man trailer—which already has had a sequel—may become a full-length film at “one point in the future.” The rumour is supported by some leaked evidence, which includes still pictures as well as other clips. One visibly-shocked Brian Lam—Gizmodo’s own Editor-in-Chief and collaborator of cooking blog provençale-cuisine.com—declared: “that’s cool. Can I keep the toys?” [ONN—thanks Richard] More »
Entertainment
Battlestar Galactica Exclusive Spoilers, and 8-Minute Video Summary
4:00AM Jesus Diaz | Battlestar Galactica! Starbuck! Fracking Battlestar Galactica! Today! Starbuck! Fraksters! Did you forget something about it? Shame on you! But don’t worry: get up to speed with this 8-minute summary video of the whole series, you fracking Cylons! And then, skip the need to watch the Final Season by reading our exclusive BSG spoilers list. More »
Gadgets
Apple Opening Peepshows In Apple Stores Worldwide
2:20AM Jesus Diaz | LONDON, United Kingdom (Agencies). Following a successful pilot program in the London Apple Store, and perhaps too many caipirinhas at the Infinite Loop party which followed yesterday’s iPhone SDK presentation, a visibly tipsy Steve Jobs announced the introduction of a new Peepshow feature in all Apple Stores worldwide: More »
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