Jim Dougan wanted to install an Airport Card in his wife’s MacBook. He realised that a normal screwdriver wouldn’t open the case to allow him to do so. A Google search would have shown him that he required a Torx Wrench #8. He did not make a Google search. Instead, he made a fool out of himself in the Apple Store, yelling and screaming at the Genius Bar employees. He was clearly in the wrong, but to make himself feel better and get internet sympathy, he made a comic about his experience.
District Judge Andrew Straw has given Crutch Vader a “suspended 12 months” jail sentence plus an order to pay US$500 to the “victims”—two morons members of the Jedi Church of England—and their lawyer. This means that Sir Lord Vader Von Drunk—real name Arwel Wynn Hughes—will avoid jail. Quite frankly, after seeing the video of his innocuous attack, I can’t believe the judge actually considered putting this guy in jail. [BBC News]
LawnBott, the US$2,750 robot which announced itself as your loyal automated lawn mower—capable of cutting 33,000 square feet of grass in a single charge—has revealed its true face: it wants to cut humans to pieces. Actually, just stupid humans, but the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission and Kyodo America have decided to “recall them immediately.”
newVideoPlayer("sw_attack.flv", 490, 405,""); Remember the case of the drunkard dressing up as Vader and beating some Jedi-wannabees with a crutch? Here’s the vid. I can’t believe someone got charged with assault for this. Footage of the actual attack just takes all the juice away from the tale. I mean, in the old days, you had to take off someone’s arm or head, or scorch their Jedi robes at least. Kids these days. [BBC]
After Darth Vader kicked a Jedi Master’s arse with the Dark Side of the Crutch, District Judge Andrew Shaw issued an arrest warrant against the Lord of the Sith. After dictating it, he added: “I hope the force will soon be with him” (really—God save the Judge, Queen, and English humour.) Vader arrived later, pleading guilty to assault. During the trial, however, the court found that the events weren’t exactly as we were initially told: the Jedis were actually even more moronic than previously imagined.
We saw the Beamz Laser Music System in pictures last week, but little we knew then how totally demented, how amazingly asstupid and musically retarded this “synthesiser music system” could be in real life. Watch the video after the jump and marvel at the bozonic “one man rock band,” the loungetard “quiet reverie,” or the male-bonding “jam session.”
Contrary to the somewhat feverish claims laid out in an recent lawsuit, when our favourite particle-smashing, Force-finding Large Hadron Collider is switched on soon it will not result in the destruction of life as we know it. Such claims are “complete nonsense” say the scientists at CERN (and everywhere else,) in response to the suit. They should know: it’s their machine, they designed it and they’ve been telling everyone for a while that their research shows it’s safe.
A drunk guy dressed as Darth Vader, wielding a metal crutch, and probably making sounds like *swwoooshh* and *pew*pew*, assaulted and effectively kicked the arse of the founder of the first Jedi Church of England. The dork, a hairdresser called Barney Jones whose Jedi name is Master Hehol, was beaten down in his garden by the anonymous Vader while he was being interviewed for a documentary. Really. We mean this. The Jedi actually had this to say after the assault:
