If you have a problem with your TV, like a certain 70-year old Missouri man did with his converter box during the DTV transition, DO NOT get loaded, shoot it and engage in a stand-off with the police. [Gizmodo]

If you work in a tech-related retail store, DO NOT do what 29-year-old Aaron Seiber did and stab yourself so you don’t have to go. Making up a phony story about a skinhead attack to the police doesn’t help matters either. [Gizmodo]

If you have trouble getting up the stairs, escalators are a real lifesaver. However, DO NOT use one like the man in this video.

If your phone dies, DO NOT take it to get fixed and threaten to shoot it in the shop with the 9mm concealed in your jacket. There are no mobile phones in prison — unless you have a really good hiding place (and there is only one really good hiding place). [Gizmodo]

If you have a tall hedge and no gadget designed to trim it, DO NOT raise your ride-on mower up with a crane to do the job like this lunatic from New Zealand. [Gizmodo]

So you have bought a new phone and you are not sure what to do with your old one. Unless is is complete garbage, DO NOT smash it. Mobile phone retailers have recycling bins specifically for old mobiles. If you want an iPhone to smash, there are cheaper ways to do it. [Gizmodo]

If your kid acts up, DO NOT drag him around on the floor with a leash. Someone with a cameraphone is bound to make a video of the whole incident and share it with the police.

If your internet connection goes down while playing an online game, DO NOT vent your frustrations by grabbing a knife and stabbing the first 15-year-old girl that walks down the street near your home. You could wind up in a mental hospital with pending manslaughter charges. [Gizmodo]

David Pogue instantly found a fan in me with his Apple-themed rendition of Britney Spears’ “Oops…I did it again” as memories of mornings spent singing into a hairbrush flooded back. Granted Pogue actually sounds better than both Britney and I.

[Brainstorm Tech]

“A family shouldn’t have to wait until Sunday to worship the Lord. Now you can go to church every day without leaving your home.”

Mass: We Pray is a video game parody that doesn’t outright admit to making fun of the Wii, but for some reason, that makes it only more endearing. Because I know a generic cross Wiimote and Balance Board kneeler when I see one.

But while I may have laughed, I could have tolerated a few more HEADSHOTS. And I can’t help but to admit, Wii Pray is the only third-party developer opportunity to outsell the next Mario title. [We Pray Thanks Eric!]

It’s official: Windows 7 mania has reached a fever pitch. First a burger dedicated to the OS, now fifth-grader Will Smith gives us this adorable performance of “Windows Rising,” set to the tune of CCR’s “Bad Moon Rising.”

According to the source, Will wants to program for Microsoft when he gets older. Let me tell you something, kid: If you show this video to anyone at Microsoft, there’s no way they won’t give you a job on the spot.

And one other thing, Will: You do far more justice to your source material than the majority of CCR cover bands out there. Keep up the good work. [TechFlash]

1. Capsule Hotel
Say you’re in Union Square. It’s 4am and you’re drunk. Far too drunk to figure out how to get back home. Well, why not go and crash in the capsule hotel at Best Buy for $US15? And when you get up, you can make a quick video-game impulse purchase to help nurse your hangover with.

2. Pay by the hour video games
Best Buy has tons of huge, beautiful TVs. They also have boatloads of video games and consoles. Why not use all that gear? If they set up Xboxes on those big TVs, they could charge people by the hour to play on them late at night. Say, from 11pm-6am. I’m sure they’d make a boatload of cash from semi-drunk people paying $US20 to kill each other in Call of Duty before going home after the bars.

3. Food
Of course, you gotta have food late at night. Might I suggest a make-your-own sundae bar? Just make sure you’ve got enough serviettes on hand to keep all of your nice products from being covered in sticky fingerprints.

4. Skee-ball
Everybody loves skee-ball!

5. Karaoke
Again, this would be a great way to showcase your TVs as well as the big musical-instruments section that this new flagship Best Buy is going to have.

6. Hot Tubs
Look, if you want to get people into your store late at night, you’ve gotta offer incentives. And there are few better incentives than a hot tub on a cold night. Combine this with #2 and I’d practically live there.

7. A Bar
Why only settle for people shopping after they’ve been out drinking when you can sell them their drinks as well? Do you know what the profit margins are on booze sales? Enough to make you rethink being an electronics retailer, that’s what.

Considering it’s a Star Wars based gangsta rap, I’m kinda disappointed that nobody whacked Jar Jar Binks, even though it’s original trilogy material. Still, definitely worth a watch on a Friday.

[Atom via io9]

1. Since a battery should never be 100 per cent full or 100 per cent empty, you should charge it then discharge it in sequence ideally ranging between 80 per cent to 20 per cent. Start by charging for 12 minutes, then running it down, then charge it for 11 minutes then run it down, and so on. Confused? Just use this handy formula: n!=C(n,k)/r! where n can’t equal r, and k never reaches zero. Simple!

2. If you use a phone or laptop without first charging its battery fully, you will die.

3. A lot of battery experts warn of the memory effect, but it’s not really an “effect”. It’s just their way of saying “Remember to charge your batteries!”

4. Batteries run better when cold. The easiest way to do this is to find a refrigerated warehouse, befriend the security guard, and do all your work from there. ($20 bribes usually work.)

5. If your laptop battery gets hot enough to sear tuna, step away. Check your fridge for tuna. If no tuna in fridge, run to the supermarket to buy tuna. Don’t worry, as long as you don’t unplug your laptop, the battery will stay hot while you are gone.

6. When putting your laptop into storage, take out the battery. Wrap the extracted battery in a well-oiled cloth and place it in a clay pot. Bury the pot in a hayfield. Any will do, but it’s best if there’s a long rock wall with a big oak tree at the north end. The battery should keep fresh for up to six months that way. If you’re worried about finding it again, just mark your spot with a rock that has no earthly business in a hayfield. I favour black volcanic glass.

7. If your battery is about to run dry, take it out and blow on it. I have no idea why this works, but it totally does.

8. If your battery does die, you can always make your own: A potato theoretically has enough “potential energy” stored inside to power a laptop for a full hour — the trick is knowing where to stick the wires. Just ask a third grader. One tip: The potato must not be baked.

9. You should never confuse your batteries. Here’s an easy way to keep them apart in your head: Lithium Ion batteries explode, Nickel Cadmium destroys the environment and Lead Acid batteries are more corrosive than the Alien Queen’s blood (plus, they contain lead). You can eat Lithium Ferro Phosphate batteries.

10. People may tell you to carry a battery-life extender in your bag, but the secret there is, it’s just another battery. What do I recommend? Jumper cables.

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