You know what’s great about cheap, shitty beer? The cheap part. The end. Sure, it’s fun to be nostalgic about the first beer you ever drank or whatever, but if someone leaves a bunch of crappy beer in my fridge, I just want to use some kind of magic spell to turn it into something delicious. Could such a thing be possible?
The world is rife with alcoholic lore. That’s lore regarding alcohol, not told by alcoholics. Well, there’s plenty of both. But what about all those rules we learned in college? Beer before liquor, never been sicker. More bubbles, more buzz. Different kinds of drinks get you different kinds of drunk. In vino, veritas. For all the legends, there is a shortage of scientific data to confirm or challenge the conventional wisdom… until now!
For some reason, we humans love to make solid foods liquid and liquid foods solid. Key lime pie martini? White Russian ice cream? I rest my case. Today, in honour of St Paddy’s Day, we’re taking three Irish liquids and making them into one awesome solid.
I spill a dribble of liquid nitrogen onto the bar as I try to pour it from a steel vat into a coffee thermos for Dave Arnold, in a scene that vaguely reminds me of this image of Jesus turning water into wine, except that the splash turns into smoke and tiny beads, which skitter across the bar like insects.
Remember Four Loko? That horrible, fruity malt liquor that combined loads of alcohol, caffeine and other insane drugs? Most of the caffeine and other uppers were pulled out of it, making it significantly less deadly, meaning everybody lost interest. But now, suddenly, there’s an easy way to make your own. Proceed with extreme caution.
