There are three important differences between this turtleneck and those his Steveness actually wears: First, it is slightly cheaper (we suspect). Second, it has the words “Hello my name is Fake Steve Jobs” printed in large, friendly letters on a fake name tag on its front.
• In 1950, a guy who cuts a tomato in half and finds its centre bears resemblance to the Batman logo laughs and eats it. In 2008, he sells it on eBay. [eBay] • Fake Steve says “There’s something in the air” is really just a joke about Woz’s gas problems. That’s the best guess I’ve heard yet. [FSJ] • Microsoft is working on grocery carts with video displays that show commercials and allow self-checkout. [Yahoo!/AP] • The Japanese government is working with private companies on ultra high-definition video, which will show images up to 33 million pixels and may be seen as early as 2015. First they one-up us on the ladder to heaven, now this, I can’t take it anymore! [Google News/AFP]
Fake Steve confirmed that his “talks with Apple” about shutdown were fake, in a round about way, but slightly more direct for those not quick enough to get it the first time. [Fake Steve]
We have all come to know and love the ramblings of FSJ, but apparently the real Steve Jobs is not best pleased. Daniel Lyon has been regularly updating his weblog, The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs, with details of an Apple led negotiation calling for a cease to the sites activities.
Fake Steve Jobs, aka Forbes Editor Dan Lyons, may regard the tongue-in-cheek idea of a breast implant MP3 player as “shameful sexploitation” — but if it actually existed, it could be the next big thing for Apple. Associating breasts with your brand always means cash money. Plus, it beats the hell out of the iPod Pillow. [FSJ]
newVideoPlayer("fakestevewoz.flv", 475, 288);
At Kepler’s bookstore in Menlo Park, minutes from Apple campus, Fake Steve Jobs just finished a great book reading. And Woz introduced him and gifted him a black mock turtleneck, official uniform of The Steve. FSJ had a “Invented the Friggin’ iPod” shirt for Woz, too. [Giz at FSJ Menlo Park Book Reading]
Dan Lyons, AKA Fake Steve Jobs is doing a reading of his new book, Options, in the valley. We’re at Kepler’s bookstore in Menlo Park—the most important book reading, being so close to the mothership. I recognise an Apple employee in the crowd. Woz is here, and when I approached him to say hello, he moved aside, modestly, as if I was looking for a book behind him and he was in the way. No. “Woz,” I said, ” I’m a big fan of your work.” He smiled, but I could tell he was already prepping to introduce Lyons, minutes away from being on stage. It’s starting, and OMG…Woz just introduced FSJ and awarded him an official Apple black mock turtleneck…and Owen Thomas from Valleywag, AKA Mr. Bigglesworth is sitting front row, ready to taunt him. Fiction just slammed into reality and my mind just asploded. UPDATED
Whether you tune in for Keynote liveblogs, or despise Applemodo, Options by Fake Steve Jobs will be an effortless read. The opening:
It is Tuesday afternoon. I am barefoot, sitting on a cushion in the lotus position, gazing at a circuit board. This board, no bigger than a playing card, has taken years to create. It is the heart of the of the iPhone, the most important object my engineers have ever assembled. And it is wrong. I do not know why, exactly. But it is wrong. By this i do not mean that the board does not function correctly. It functions perfectly. But it lacks beauty. My engineers argue that a circuit board need not be beautiful, since no one will ever see it.
“Yes,” I say, “but I will know it is there. And I will know that it is not beautiful.”
Another interview of Fake Steve Jobs AKA Dan Lyons AKA Fake Steve AKA Dan Lyons…over at [Wallstrip]
It’s easy to forget, reading the addictive prose, that Fake Steve Jobs is a fictional character. And Dan Lyons a Forbes Editor with a entirely separate persona. That becomes clearer when you watch the author of the Freetard-hating FSJ profess his love for Linux in this video. Dan explains that there are tons of pro Linux articles in the wild but people always cite the few negative ones he’s written. (Of the boxes he runs, he’s got a Zombu, which I love but I think Mossberg dislikes.)[Linux.com via Slashdot]
