Oh. Dear. The Ady Gil trimaran, used by the Sea Shepherd organisation to hunt down whalers, got itself an unexpected rhinoplasty yesterday, while buzzing around Japanese whaling vessel, the Shonan Maru, in the Antarctic waters of Commonwealth Bay.

One crew member suffered a couple of cracked ribs, but the rest of them were unharmed and taken to the organisation’s support boat, the Steve Irwin. Let’s hope there are no gigamuntic sting rays patrolling the seas at the moment.

[Daily Mail]

When Consumerist reader Scott sent his under-warranty laptop into Office Depot for a repair, he noticed that they’d used glue to fix his power port problem. OK, that’s bad enough, since the glue melted to the power port and caused a serious burn hazard. But when Scott sent his Acer back in for round two, well:

“I detailed the issue to the Office Depot Warranty operator, and he
specifically wrote “Problem: AC port loose. glue melted from last fix.
AC adaptor gets extremely hot” on the work order. I again sent the
laptop off hoping the problem would be fixed. My hopes were too high.
Turns out, glue the power port so it is usable is a masterful fix when
compared to the attached photo. As you can see… again the service
people glued the power port back into “place.” Though this time it is
glued in off centre, and can not be plugged in. Obviously whoever
office depot sends their laptops off to for service does not even
check to see if their “fixes” are functional. An added bonus is that
my expansion slot cover is now missing. So not only do I receive a
broken laptop, it also has a part stolen.”

So, in brief: Don’t try to fix your laptop with glue, definitely don’t try to fix it with glue twice, and definitely definitely don’t trust Office Depot with your valuables. [Consumerist]

This chart for AT&T U-Verse internet makes no sense whatsoever. For one, what’s the difference between “watching TV/video clips” and “streaming video” and why does one need just 12 measly megabits, while the other needs 18? Also, the numbers just don’t work. Even full HD 1080p streaming video through Zune on Xbox Live just requires 10Mbps-12Mbps of bandwidth.

If anything, it’s the internet gaming that needs 12Mbps, as I was sadly reminded while trying to download the entire Left 4 Dead 2 over the 6Mbps AT&T DSL I’ve got in Georgia – the fastest internet AT&T will give me. I’d console myself with YouTube, but you know, it might not work. [AT&T, Thanks Slacker!]

This is awkward. It appears that HP’s new webcams, which have facial-tracking software, can’t recognise black faces, as evidenced in this video.

HP has responded:

We are working with our partners to learn more. The technology we use is built on standard algorithms that measure the difference in intensity of contrast between the eyes and the upper cheek and nose. We believe that the camera might have difficulty “seeing” contrast in conditions where there is insufficient foreground lighting.

[HP and Metafilter via The Daily What]

I wonder how many times Steve Ballmer laughed about the iPhone after pooping all over it in this 2007 interview. My guess: Not many. Don’t worry Steve, here’s the rest of the top 5 assclowns who dug their own grave:

Assclown Number 5: Ed Zander, Motorola CEO/Chairman and amateur juggler, 10 May 2007

How do they deal with us?

Yes, how would they deal with you now that Motorola is almost dead, Ed?

Assclown Number 4: John C. Dvorak, tech columnist and professional assclown at large, 28 March 2007

Apple should pull the plug on the iPhone… What Apple risks here is its reputation as a hot company that can do no wrong. If it’s smart it will call the iPhone a ‘reference design’ and pass it to some suckers to build with someone else’s marketing budget. Then it can wash its hands of any marketplace failures… Otherwise I’d advise people to cover their eyes. You are not going to like what you’ll see.

What we don’t like to see is you, John, getting into these bags of hurt all by yourself.

Assclown Number 3: Jon Rubinstein, Palm CEO and former Apple Vice President, iPod Division, September 27, 2005

Is there a toaster that also knows how to brew coffee? There is no such combined device, because it would not make anything better than an individual toaster or coffee machine. It works the same way with the iPod, the digital camera or mobile phone: it is important to have specialized devices.

Exactly like the Palm Pre, Jon, which is a smartphone and a cheese slicer.

Assclown Number 2: Steve Ballmer, Microsoft CEO and zoologist, 30 April 2007

There’s no chance that the iPhone is going to get any significant market share. No chance. It’s a $500 subsidized item. They may make a lot of money. But if you actually take a look at the 1.3 billion phones that get sold, I’d prefer to have our software in 60% or 70% or 80% of them, than I would to have 2% or 3%, which is what Apple might get.

Re-reading that must hurt. If you are Steve Ballmer.

Assclown Number 1: Ed Colligan, Ex-Palm CEO, Bono’s pal, and stamp collector, 16 Nov 2006

We’ve learned and struggled for a few years here figuring out how to make a decent phone. PC guys are not going to just figure this out. They’re not going to just walk in.

Apparently, Ed, they walked right in, stole your lunch, your dinner, your wife, your car, your horse, and all your pudding. And then they ate it. And pooped it out.

Special Bonus Assclown: Anssi Vanjoki, Nokia’s chief strategist and famed red herring tin can collector, 30 Nov 2009

The development of mobile phones will be similar in PCs. Even with the Mac, Apple has attracted much attention at first, but they have still remained a niche manufacturer. That will be in mobile phones as well.

I have a hard time believing that Nokia’s chief strategist—aka this guy—actually said that last month. Wake up, Anssi, and smell the coffee, because you are being smashed. [AAPLinvestors via Fortune]

Oops! Due to an error you’ve received our previous email by mistake. Please disregard the free upgrade communication as unfortunately you do not qualify for that upgrade.

We apologise for any inconvenience caused.

Warm regards,

The Velocity Team

From all accounts, it seems they sent the upgrade email to a pretty big chunk of their Velocity membership.

Considering I very rarely fly Virgin, I’m unsure whether or not I should be bemused or outraged at the mixup. Anyone want to suggest an emotion for me this morning?

While certainly not on par with these 12 products, the Apple TV might be the most recent Apple endeavour to fall well short of expectations. Clearly, there is no reason to spend a substantial sum of money on a box with limited functionality when there are better options available. [Oobject]

[Thanks Matt!]