Amazingly enough, 29-year-old Aaron Siebers stabbed himself then made up some phoney story about being attacked by three skinheads in an attempted robbery, but surveillance footage of the area where it supposedly happened turned up nothing. In the end, Siebers admitted to stabbing himself so he could get out of going to work at a Colorado Blockbuster. He was rushed to a nearby hospital where doctors stitched up his wound.

I have a hard time understanding why someone would pass over calling in sick and go right to self-mutilation in order to get out of work, but perhaps someone who has worked at Blockbuster in the past can confirm that they too have thought about this strategy. [The Denver Channel via Westworld via Digg]

Reginald Johnson, a mail processing clerk in Germantown, Philadelphia, apparently stole every GameFly envelope that came his way, selling them back to GameStop for quick cash. The Post Service began to get suspicious when, we imagine, nobody in the greater Philadelphia area received GameFly rentals for six whole months, and an investigation led them to Johnson. Johnson, in turn, led the police on a chase, until he crashed his SUV, at which point he made a break for it, carrying 81 stolen games in a duffel bag. Johnson is likely to receive 12-18 months jail time for his crimes. [Philly.com]

Ah, the irony that Raymond Miller went into his local Stamford Town centre Apple Store because he was having issues with image files on his computer. The Genius found the suggestive images and called on one of the police officers stationed in the mall. Miller was arrested while he was waiting to get his computer back.

According to the Stamford Advocate, he was charged with one count of possession of child pornography, a class-B felony which is punishable by a minimum five-year prison sentence if convicted. No word if the Genius was able to fix his G5. [The Stamford Advocate via Tuaw]

To be fair to Microsoft, let’s assume that pastry theft had become rampant, and that their employees really did need to be reminded not to steal things. Even then, the ominous “WE’RE WATCHING YOU, THIEVING PEONS” feels like a little much.

Microsoft: You Will Pay Them, For Something. —Thanks, Microsoft guy!

After two weeks, the thief made the mistake of connecting to the internet, and GadgetTrak collected tons of info. It triangulated his longitude and latitude via WiFi (and provided a link to the location on Google Maps!), his IP address, WiFi networks in range, and the username, and even took a photo of him with the iMac’s built-in webcam. The iMac and two other stolen laptops were traced to a tattoo parlor in Brooklyn and recovered.

Of course, the system only works if the thief neglects to reformat the hard drive and connects to the internet, but we’d be willing to bet that that’s not as uncommon as you’d think. It’s a pretty great system, as long as thieves don’t figure out how to work around it. [GadgetTrak]

This completely fake ATM, equipped to skim debit cards, was discovered in the Riviera Hotel Casino right outside the hotel’s security office. Conveniently, it also happened to be right out of the line of sight of surveillance cameras.

Whether the kiosk was merely a DefCon prank or a serious and malicious attempt to steal bank account information is unknown. But not having been suckered myself, I’ll admit that the ATM prop is at least a little funny. And if there were a little man inside just nabbing people’s debit cards, it would have been even funnier. [Wired via CrunchGear]

This is the second big victory for the RIAA this month, after the even-more-ridiculous decision that filesharer Jammie Thomas should pay $US80,000 per song. But unlike Thomas, Tenenbaum hasn’t come out and said he will outright refuse to pay the fine, and it looks like this is a more concrete win for the RIAA dirtbags.

The RIAA specified to TorrentFreak that the money won will go to more lawsuits, not to the artists the RIAA supposedly represents. It looks like yet another episode in this long public relations attack in which the organisation mercilessly kills any sympathy for their cause that might have existed. [TorrentFreak]

When arrested she was heard to say “My young ‘un loves being dragged around on a leash. It’s how I was brought up.” She was also wearing this shirt. Ok, maybe this last part didn’t happen—but you can picture it can’t you? [LiveLeak via TechEBlog via Gadget Review]

At last, the $US4 The Bank Job Pen fulfils that little part of your brain that’s always wanted to walk into a bank, cut the pens away with the assistance of jaws of life and a team of 10 or so highly tactical masked vigilantes, peel out in a getaway car and sell the goods on the black (ink) market.

The story will make you the coolest kid in Mrs. Winger’s third grade English class. Guaranteed. [Perpetual Kid via The Green Head]

The thieving pair, Anthony Cintorrino and Tara Laburt, were the beneficiary of what those in the biz call an “inside job.”

Cintorrino, a contractor who recently installed and maintained a number of the cameras, had intimate knowledge of where they were and how they could be taken down quickly and quietly. All he and Laburt needed was a cherry picker and some time, and the valuable Nikon cameras housed within were theirs for the taking. Sadly for we gadget geeks, no Nikon model number was given—anyone out there know which Nikon camera body/lens is best for snagging licence plates at 15 metres?

In the end, the couple was nabbed by New York police, but not before they had stolen and resold $US88,000 worth of hot goods with their cherry picker truck. Unfortunately for any New York drivers out there, everything was recovered, and the camera rigs were put back into place a mere 48 hours after the crimes were committed. [New York Post via Autoblog]