Click on the image for a closer look at the ad.

I’m ashamed to even be in the same country as this guy. Geezus freakin’ Christ. [Some Country For Old Men]

What’s especially great is the half-assed trustworthiness of the ad: The creator worked on it for 40 years! He’s a scientist! He uses words like “fuselage!”

My secret space craft is the result of my professional experience and imagination while serving the U.S. military in advanced aeronautics as a scientist. The craft harnesses a revolutionary propulsion system and its fuselage is fabricated with the most advanced material. While considerably safe, I am certain you will make it safely to Titan but there will not be enough fuel to get home. This is for someone unique that has always wanted to see the universe first-hand and has perhaps a terminal view on life here at home. Here’s your shot at romantic history.

Unfortunately, this is a Laika-style journey: You ain’t coming back from this one. That is, if you actually get off the ground. [CNET]

Oh Craigslist…so many idiots. Case in point: some dude is trying to pass off an ancient IBM PC running Windows 3.11 as being “ideal for home or office” and “a great deal” at $US500.

For sale – IBM PC-compatible computer.

486/33MHz custom-build computer running Phoenix BIOS, 80MB hard disk-drive, 640K of base RAM and 384K of extended RAM installed. Comes with DOS 5.0 and Windows 3.11 For Workgroups and a two-button mouse. Turbo feature still working 100% functional. Great for when you need speed boost. Upgraded graphics to a SVGA 800×600 card that is VESA-compliant and can display 16.7 million colors!!! New-ish 14″ monitor.

Windows 3.11 has MS Paint, Notepad text editing app, and Norton Desktop. Also, 14.4 modem and a trial subscription to both CompuServe and AOL (2.5 software pre-installed). 5.25″/3.5″ dual drive with an open bay in the case if you want to put in a CD-ROM disk drive too. Have plenty of diskettes of shareware including Netscape Navigator, Mosaic browser, and Castle Wolfenstein 3-D! Already has Sim City, SimEarth, Sim Ant, and Sim Tower and Front Page Sports Football.

Canon BubbleJet printer with spare cartridge. Will print all Post-Script and TrueType fonts.

Need to make room in my den for a new Pentium computer that I’m getting.

I built this computer for over $US700 so it’s a great deal.

Wow, $US700…really? Did he build it in 1990 or are we talking pesos here? [Craigslist / Thanks Ponies!]

UPDATE: One of our readers claims to have contacted the seller and received the following response:

Sorry for delay. My Eudora setting was messed up.

No. Is real sale. I need money to buy new Pentium computer that will run the new Windows 95 program. Is supposed to be better than Windows 3 but I don’t know. Am too used to finding things in Program Manager. The modem is real fast (by US Robotics) and is much faster than 9600 baud. Even though is 14.4, I got it to run at 28.8 with a program i downloaded.

Am willing to lower ask to $300 for if you have a Apple Mackintosh Quadra (850 preferable).

Also, don’t worry if you don’t like Eudora. I have Netscape Communicator Gold although I just use the browser on it because it reads GIF images and JPG images.

Yeah, this has got to be a lame joke. Ether that, or we are talking to a time traveler from 20 years ago. [Thanks Rob!]

Kari Heath learned this the best way you can learn something: by doing. She appears in court March 19.

How did the boyfriend figure out it was her? Because the Craigslist ad had photos that nobody except her would have. Oops. The maximum sentence is three years. For a Craigslist prank. [Leader Telegram.]

Manufacturers typically set a minimum advertised price, or MAP, that they require authorised sellers to maintain. But online retailers, including Buy.com and even poor, beleaguered CircuitCity.com, often sell products at a discount, and manufacturers believe that steep discounting hurts their brand integrity. These upset gadgetmakers have begun hiring enforcement agencies, like Phoenix’s NetEnforcers, to scour the internet for cheap deals and tattle on authorised dealers. Retribution is usually just a warning letter in this case, asking the seller to bring the prices up to the MAP with the veiled threat that lifting the price is important to maintaining a good relationship. Occasionally, an authorised seller in violation of an MAP will have their contract yanked, stopping them from selling that manufacturer’s goods.

Where this story gets dirty is in the unauthorised resellers. I’m not talking about a dude selling Panaphonics car stereos out of his car’s trunk on that shady corner in West Philly four years ago (I’m not falling for that again!), I’m talking about eBay and Craigslist. Sellers on these sites are under no legal or business obligation to match any price at all, so NetEnforcers and their ilk are attacking them in the time-honoured method favoured by such baddies as the RIAA: threaten the sellers with frivolous lawsuits in the hopes that the victims will just give up in the face of legal might.

NetEnforcers favours threats of copyright and trademark infringement for eBay and Craigslist users, but as eBay’s Tod Cohen says, this is incredibly transparent: “They take down the Web sites only of the unauthorised resellers that are selling at discounts, but don’t bother other unauthorised sellers if they’re selling at MAP. This suggests manufacturers are mainly interested in keeping prices up, not preventing trademark violations.”

A recent court ruling declared MAPs legal, and not in violation of antitrust laws, but representatives from both eBay and Craigslist note that this aggressive policy is effectively price-fixing, which means more expensive products for consumers. As a lifelong bargain hunter, I’m a bit upset that these internet mercenaries are taking away my deals, and their strong-arm muscling really rubs me the wrong way. [WSJ]

As you can see, HookupMaps lets you filter the ads by age, date, and gender with sexual orientation. There’s men for women (with examples that go from the modest “I am looking for a woman to go out with once a week” to the most honest and usual “want to learn anal sex?” to the descriptive “Curvy, Busty, Kinky, Brunette?”), women for men (”marry me in two weeks” or “I need to pay the credit card, want to help me?”–which basically mean the same thing), men for men (”Looking for Muscular Asian Bottom Men”–don’t answer that one, Jason “Asian Bottom Man” Chen), and women for women (”Erotic and exotic Beauty seeks bisexual beautiful woman for fun”–yes!).

After browsing for a few minutes, I think I’ll stick to the classics, thank you very much. And yes, with classics I really mean internet porn. [Hookupmaps (NSFW) via CNET]

I came across the ad that was for a prevailing wage job for $US28.50 an hour. He said to meet near the Bank of America in Monroe at 11 a.m. Tuesday. (He also was told to wear a yellow vest, safety goggles, a respirator mask… and, if possible, a blue shirt).

I know, stealing is bad, but I wish all crimes were as amusing and non-violent as this one.

Gotta love Nina Simone to start up a Friday. [King5]