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Americans Are So Fat, Washington State Ferries Have To Carry Less Of Them

America’s gotten significantly heavier over the past 20 years and we should have seen this coming. First Kevin Smith gets booted off that flight, then that guy sues White Castle for not having plus-sized booths. Now, one of the nation’s largest ferry systems is obligated to carry fewer people on each trip.

Watch A Pilot Cooly, Calmly Ditch His Plane In The Pacific Ocean

After flying his fuel-strapped plane mere inches above the Pacific Ocean for an hour and a half, this pilot finally ditched his plane in the ocean without incident, emerged without injury, and was immediately rescued by the Coast Guard. Easy!

Fat, Disgusting Americans Force Coast Guard To Change Regulations

America! We’re super fat! We take up multiple plane seats! We drink pudding for breakfast! We sit around on the internet! Well, two thirds of us are – and thanks to them, now fewer of us can fit on boats.

"We're Going To Need A Bigger Boat"

A scene from my neighborhood: The “wall” the Coast Guard is protecting with their tiny little machine gun is actually the LNG tanker Suez Matthew. LNG tankers are a hot button issue in Massachusetts due to terrorism concerns. [Universal Hub]

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