Let’s be honest. We didn’t hate the prequels, we were disappointed by them. There’s a difference. Okay, maybe we hated The Phantom Menace, at least a little bit. Alright, yeah, Anakin was annoying in pretty much every single prequel film. Guess what? He’s annoying here too. Yet he’s not nearly as bad as his new Padawan, Ahsoka Tano, introduced to give the kiddies a protagonist they can relate to. Yoda assigns her to Anakin as a Padawan to make him seem more mature and less, well, all of those qualities we hate about him. Problem is, she’s all of those things times 7.6, and he never stops being himself, so the onslaught of whine when they’re onscreen together makes you wish you brought a bucket of cheese to the theatre. It’s a heavy burden to deal with in order to watch The Clone Wars since she’s a focal point of it. (Imagine Jar Jar getting 75 percent of the screentime in one of the prequels.)

Unfortunately, there’s not a whole lot of reasons to want to look past the incessant snottiness. The 98-minute film is at least 20 minutes too long, propelled by what could’ve been a decent plot line that’s instead twisted and stretched into a sloppy mess. Obi-Wan (voiced by a solid Ewan McGregor doppelganger) and Count Dooku (happily, still voiced by the inimitable Christopher Lee) offer brief moments of actual satisfaction in what’s otherwise a series of disappointingly generic battles. Maybe the reason the battles are so lifeless is that they’re droids vs. clones–essentially nothing against nothing. It could be the wholly uninspired, unexciting way it’s “shot,” combined with the woodblock animation style that makes it look like action figures against action figures. Regardless, after the second fight, they all kind of run together, and from all appearances, it’s what we can look forward to in the TV series. Battles in Star Wars should not be boring.

Two of the movie’s better moments actually come from new Star Wars tech, or at least stuff not seen in the live action movies. The first—which sets up the battle that gets the movie rolling, and establishes at least moderate hopes—is a giant red neighbourhood-sized forcefield that surrounds the invading droid army, shielding them from Republic’s massive artillery canons. Okay, really it’s borrowed from the Gungans in Phantom Menace, but it’s different because it’s red! It’s a plot device that still works, anyway. Anakin and Ahsoka’s first mission is to disable it, while Obi-Wan holds off the droids as long as he can–toward the end this battle is when your heart first drops into your stomach.

While we’ve seen the AT-TE before, it does something incredible here that we haven’t–it vertically scales a goddamn mountain. Somehow, the director manages to make a vertical less enthralling than it should be, but to see this six-ton beast walk up a wall is one of the few times I said “Wow” during the movie.

Sadly, the few things there are to like are vastly overwhelmed by everything you won’t. Here’s a quick list of everything else you’ll hate:
• The Huttlet (aka Stinky)
• Ziro the Hutt (aka Truman Capote + Black New Orleans Crack-Dealing Whore)
• Stupid droids
• The non-John Williams music
• The animation, mostly (Mace Windu looks ghastly, though Count Dooku looks awesome)
• The lightsaber battles (you’ll see)
• Most of the dialogue
• The fact you paid to see it

In short, it’s the worst Star Wars movie you’ll ever see in theatres, if you go, so don’t.

Amongst the plethora of shiny toy options is several Titanium Series die-cast models, a couple of 3.75 inch action figures, and three pretty spectacular Star Wars LEGO sets. Toys R’ Us is also holding a Galactic Star Wars Sweepstakes, where four winners will each receive one life-size character–Ahsoka, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Anakin Skywalker or Captain Rex—from The Clone Wars. [Toys R' Us]

In the past, PC and Mac clones had duplicated parts. In the case of the PC, the XT clones contained a copy of the IBM BIOS (not licensed by IBM.) In the case of the real Mac clones like Daystar and Motorola’s, they contained a licensed Macintosh ROM inside.

So technically these are not Mac clones at all, just normal PC hardware that don’t have any of the special components in current Macs, which is why they require a special hacked version of the Mac OS X operating system. As we’ve seen, that hacked version has automatic update issues and they don’t even want you reinstalling it yourself (in fact, they don’t have permission to distribute the patch that makes this possible.)

So what is Apple waiting for? They’ve been known to be swift and merciless in the past when it comes to axing companies trying to make a living off the Apple brand. These “clones” are anything but, and if people start to believe that Apple hardware is of the same quality as these guys, they could be in serious trouble.

Go get ‘em Steve! [Product page via Gadget Lab]

7673 MagnaGuard Starfighter Building fans can send General Grievous’ elite personal bodyguard on a special mission using the MagnaGuard Starfighter from “Star Wars: The Clone Wars.” Includes opening cockpit and engine compartments, and 2 new MagnaGuard minifigures. 421 pieces Ages 8+ $44.99 (USD) Available in August

7674 V-19 Torrent
Builders can battle the Separtist forces with the Republic’s V-19 Torrent. Features a geared wing and landing gear system that automatically switches between landing and flying modes, flick-firing action, opening cockpit and new Clone trooper pilot.
471 pieces Ages 8+
$54.99 (USD) Available in August

7675 AT-TE Walker
Help Anakin Skywalker and his apprentice, Ahsoka, protect the baby Huttlet, Rotta, by firing the AT-TE’s missiles at the droid STAP. The six-legged AT-TE model features flick-firing action and hatches that open to reveal a detailed cabin and crew bay. Includes 2 clone troopers, Battle Droid on STAP, Anakin Skywalker, Ahsoka and Rotta minifigures.
798 pieces Ages 9+
$89.99 (USD) Available in August

7676 Republic Gunship
Builders can take the battle to the Separtists with this heavily equipped troop transporter from Episodes II and II and the “Star Wars: The Clone Wars” television series. Features crew bay doors that open and close, flick-firing action and separate speeder bike. Includes seven minifigures: 4 Clone Troopers, new Obi-Wan Kenobi, and 2 new minifigures: Plo Koon and Asajj Ventress, a Sith assassin equipped with a double lightsaber that can be split in two.
1,034 pieces Ages 9+
$119.99 (USD) ?Available in August