But if I’m forced to use it, I won’t complain. Designed by Florian Schärfer, the Melted Clock bed has integrated speakers, touch-sensitive buttons to snooze and control playback, and a haptic, touch-sensitive alarm clock. Not a bad concept.

Still, the hammock and cocktails sound a lot better. [Yanko Design via Unplggd]

Little squirt’s a couch cushion now, that’s what happened. Somewhere in there, beneath polyester layers, foam and particleboard, lay a flattened Jimmy.

I hope it was quick. I hope it really was an accident. We may never know. The truth may have very well ended up lost in the cracks between those cushions right alongside doomed little Jimmy. Was it a jealous friend? Negligent furniture assembly on the part of the distant father? Shoddy craftsmanship and a class action job waiting to happen? Whole thing had my head spinning like a Snudda Lazy Susan from IKEA, just $US7.99 before shipping.

Whatever it is, I’ll let the station figure it out. I have to get to IKEA. Something about death by meatball.

Editor’s Note: Yes, by internet standards this is an incredibly old sofabed. Relax. [Padstyle via Geekologie]

I suppose this is the right bed for you if you prefer to pleasure partners like you’re a character in a supernatural slasher film or in an ’80s metal music video — but I digress. The bed, nightstand and wall lamp combo are handcrafted from rotten teak planks which provide ideal cavities to embed LEDs (a clear epoxy material generates the light colour effect). Guys with little taste and lots of money can score a set for $US7500. [Treecycled Furniture via Born Rich]

Basically the bed fully supports all of your body weight by attaching to subway ventilation grating. And to prove that it works, some poor guy got assigned to the task of taking 40-minute naps in the middle of New York. Since he didn’t fall over or get mugged, this could be considered a successful trial.

The Vertical Bed comes complete with noise-cancelling headphones, opaque sunglasses, a free standing umbrella and the whole thing fits into a suitcase. No idea when we’ll be able to buy one, but I’ll be wishing I already had it while waiting in line. [Substitute Materials via Design Launches]

Of course, this had to be designed by the epitome of naff, Mr. Karim Rashid. Fair enough, Karim, you finally did it: I’m getting this. [Hollandia International via Apartment Therapy]

Sadly, the source site doesn’t allow embedding, so I’ve assembled a series of screen grabs to try and capture the raw violence I saw in the original video. The same video, coincidentally, you can catch in the accompanying link. [TechEblog]

With a pillow missing in its rectangular design, it allows you to slip your head through the hole—poncho style—and use it as both a pillow and a blanket. But if you get cold easily in the night, you’d probably need extra blankets since it looks like there are gaps between each pillow. Also, if you’re the type that likes to snuggle, this blanket could potentially be a problem in the bedroom—unless you both have extremely small noggins. [designboom]

The bed was originally developed for a wealthy international customer that wanted to keep a handgun close by at all times, but it is just as useful for keeping you valuables secure. The safe can be added to any Hollandia bed for around $US400, but the beds themselves can run in excess of $US20,000. As an alternative, you could always pick up a pair of skid marked security briefs for around $US6. It’s probably just as effective. [Hollandia via Born Rich]

Call me crazy, but moving your feet while sitting down isn’t a form of exercise. It certainly isn’t jogging. If you’re sitting on a bed, you aren’t going to get much aerobic exercise. I’m no doctor, but if you’re so morbidly obese that you can’t stand up and walk around, you’re beyond this thing’s help. And if you’re just lazy and want a way to “exercise” while still drinking milkshakes and watching Gossip Girl in your living room, well, you are also beyond this thing’s help, albeit for other reasons. [MedLaunches via Gadget Lab]