Well it could be used for your crotch if you are tall enough, or you have a weirdly high crotch with a weirdly short torso. Either way, it’s a sweet-looking fixture with a lot of options. [Hansa via Trendir]

When a child begins washing their hands, the sink calmly advises them to, “HURRY UP YOU LITTLE F—KER OR I WILL BITE YOUR F—KING HANDS OFF AND CHEW YOUR BONES RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU! YOUR LITTLE ARMS WILL BLEED ALL OVER THE PLACE, SPILLING OUT MY MOUTH AND ONTO THE FLOOR. YOUR DEATH WILL COME SLOWLY AS YOUR PERCEPTION PAINFULLY FADES TO GREY AND THEN BLACK — BY THE WAY, YOU WON’T BE GOING TO HEAVEN BECAUSE THERE’S NO GOD, SO YOUR BODY WILL JUST ROT IN THE GROUND AS YOUR EXISTENCE AS YOU KNOW IT CEASES FOR AN ETERNITY YOU’LL NEVER SEE. AND DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON WHAT DAD WILL SAY WHEN HE SEES THE MESS YOU MADE! WHAT A FU—K UP! NO WONDER YOUR PARENTS ARE GETTING A DIVORCE! WHAT? THEY DIDN’T TELL YOU? WELL STOP YOUR GODDAMN CRYING ABOUT IT, TEARS ARE A WASTE OF PRECIOUS WATER!”

(Or the sink uses an IR sensor, like you find in public rest rooms.) [Design Boom via inhabitots via inhabitat]

Think about it — you can set those tentacles up to spray water in any direction. It’s kind of like blending elements of traditional shower heads, rain shower heads and those full-body systems that everyone dreams about owning. [Vado via Trendir via DVICE]

Steampunk: I’m over it. And this ridiculous Steampunk Toilet is a good example why. I mean, come on. [NerdSalad via Technabob]

The tub also features touch controls and a motion-activated hand shower. Unfortunately, it’s only a concept—but the design was good enough to become a Red Dot 2009 award winner. [Red Dot via Born Rich via Unplgged via DVICE]

Utilitarian German design at its best. [Manufactum via Likecool]

That tiny panel above the spout is actually an interface for something like a sink-Chumby, which places email, weather and calendars apps on your faucet. Despite coming across as a little flimsy and unresponsive in the video below, the faucet has a certain 1994-film-adaptation-of-Ri¢hie-Ri¢h-starring-Macaulay-Culkin kind of appeal, which is to say, it’s just about the most ostentatious bathroom fixture you could possibly own.

But I forsee problems. Having an LCD panel next to flowing water seems like a bad enough idea, but requiring that users control the sink’s functions through a touchscreen at the one time when their hands are guaranteed to be wet is a worse one. And of course, before long that screen will look scummier than my flat’s bathroom mirror after a few weeks without cleaning, accumulating layer upon layer of mystery residue until it’s too gross to touch.

What you see here is just a prototype, but iHouse does actually intend for this product—and others, like a facial-recognition thermostat—to come to market. [iHouse via BornRich]

Obviously, the tightly-packed pins mean that no real pain will be involved (outside of the trauma generated by the digital readout), but it would mean that your weight would be more evenly distributed across your feet. The concept is interesting, but it would be even better if it could mold to shapes like those desktop pin art gadgets from the 80’s. That is, until your wife catches you trying to leave a print by weighing your arse. [Jim Ruck via Coolbuzz]

Seriously—throw in an LED showerhead and a shower radio and you have yourself a dance club in your bathroom. And that, my friends can only lead to cleanliness with concussions and/or a broken coccyx. [Antonio Lupi via Trendir]

It has two handheld nozzles, mirrors, 8 side jets, a radio, an LCD TV, MP3 input, 6mm of tempered glass, a heater pump, steam generator, an alarm, 6 more jets, overhead lights, back accupuncture massage, a massage tub, towel racks, foot massage, ventilation fans and speakers. Considering that all this comes at a price of $US4300, it’s not that bad. I mean, if you were building a new bathroom anyway, you’d owe it to yourself to buy one. Seriously. [Aquapeutics via Born Rich via DVice]