Tagged With al qaeda

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As much as we like to gripe about it stateside, our complaints about the drone program are nothing compared to those of Al Qaeda. The terrorists don't like drones, because drones are designed to kill terrorists. According to documents leaked by Edward Snowden, however, Al Qaeda's about to fight back.

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When AP reporters walked through turf where Islamic terrorists had been driven out by the French military, they found a curious photocopied document: a list of 22 tips for avoiding UAV death. But you can use them too!

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Last year, Maqsood Lodin was being interviewed by police after he'd travelled to Pakistan. When his questioners found a memory card in his underwear, they were suspicious — but it seemed only to contain porn. Later investigation, however, reveals that one film was actually encoded with more than 100 secret al Qaeda documents.

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Whoops! A Predator drone cruising over Yemen took a spill, nosediving into a heap inside a small village. Police then secured the debris - sort of. On the way out, their convoy was hijacked by Al Qaeda goons. Debris snatched.

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Seriously, how messed up is this. Al Shabaab insurgents in Somalia (Al Qaeda's proxy in the region) are going around flogging teenagers for listening to music and watching videos on their phones. Not to mention the senseless killings and amputations.

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Apparently, escaping from Guantánamo Bay is not quite as easy as Harold and Kumar made it seem. As the NYT points out, the prison still harbors terrorists that the government claims are highly trained and resourceful—including at least one detainee that was taught how make detonators out of old SEGA cartridges. In all likelihood, the individual they were referring to was Hassan Bin Attash—a teenage detainee that human rights organisations believe was tortured before doing time in Gitmo. It's just like stuffing an NES into a cartridge—only more scary and depressing.

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The hard-hitting investigative team at MyFox has just discovered the latest and greatest threat to national security and your children: Fisher-Price's Little Mummy Real Loving Baby Cuddle & Coo Doll, which is sold across the country, has apparently been hijacked by Al-Qaeda to reprogram your children into followers of Allah! If you squint your ears, one of the talking doll's catchphrases sounds like "Islam is the light." God-fearin' parents everywhere are horrified, or at least outside of this McDonald's and Pizza Hut. Why hasn't anyone been talking about the surge where we really need it, the heart of Fisher-Price???