We’ve searched far and wide, and at long last, we’ve found a phone that won’t make any pesky normal phone calls. OK, technically it won’t make any phone calls, but let’s not harp on details.

Hotline is an adult novelty, aka repackaged children’s toy that didn’t sell well and/or offended the public. Here’s how the magic happens:

Hotline ["calls"] direct to your favourite 1900 number!!! Press to listen to one of the lovely ladies. Speak to Sunshine, Bambi and they will get you hot! 2 x AA Battery Included

While I’m sure that Sunshine and Bambi are quite charming, nothing kills the mood set by low bitrate dirty talk like knowing you’ve gotta hunt down some AAs. Am I right? $US19. [Aussie Gadgets via Nerd Approved]

With under three minutes left and just after Larry Fitzgerald’s heroic comeback(ish) touchdown for the Cardinals, the video feed abruptly switched to a scene from stablemate channel Club Jenna, treating viewers to the sight of seemingly omnipresent porn guy Evan Stone swinging his junk around like a maniac. This interlude lasted about 30 seconds.

Comcast told the Arizona Daily Star that engineers have been “working throughout the night” to figure out what happened, but haven’t yet come up with an explanation. It could have been a simple case of human error, but given just how wrong it all went, I’d put my money on a disgruntled outgoing employee. Video of the event below, obviously NSFW. [AZStar, image from Getty. —Thanks, Jason and Nic!]

Here are the instructions.

Once you obtain an erection via your stimuli of choice, simply place the head of the penis against the pressure sensor of the device and apply pressure towards the body for a count of 5 seconds or until the penis inflects (bends). At this point a reading will flash on one of the LED indicator lights, reflecting the quality of that erection. Use this same method each time you test to help ensure accurate results.

Basically, hold it up to your dong in order to see how strong it is. A stronger donger would mean that it bends less, a weak one means it bends more. If you have a problem, you’ll be aware of it and take steps to treat it. Knowledge is power, my friends, and this thing is power.

Stay tuned for a hands on. [Fast Size]

One, Vudu’s AVN channel will offer high-def porn–FyreTV is only DVD-quality, at best. (Merits of HD vs. SD porn aside, at least Vudu can deliver either HD if you want it.) Second, a Vudu box is way more discreet (though its remote does kind of look like a sex toy). And besides, if you already have Vudu, it’s one less box you have to deal with. [CE Pro - Thanks Julie!]

According to the search company’s statistics, there has been a sharp increase in “iPhone porn” searches over the last year, showing either that iPhone users are all a bunch of pervs, or that Jason and I spend way too much time surfing the web in the bathroom. Probably both.

Apple says that they won’t allow any adult-oriented applications in the iPhone app store–so goodbye to your interactive anime porn games through iTunes, hello to Installer.app–but the 3G speeds and the Safari browser is open to any kind of content. The new version of Safari, however, will include parental contents so only daddy and mummy can surf the pink flesh wave. [TIME]

Tenga Demo Video (Safe):

In fact, the two men were representatives from Tenga who spent the US$20 entrance fee in order to conduct a “little research” into their new product. So, if you want to go pro with your masturbating hobby, you are going to need to get yourself a Tenga cup and practice, practice, practice. But that is what it takes to be a true champion—blood, sweat, and semen. So get cracking guys! We need to bring this title home next year! [SF Weekly via 3yen and Fleshbot]

Hi Jason,

Are you looking for a safe place to store your adult DVD collection?

Dude, it’s like you’re staring right into my soul!

Disc Makers has you covered with the Disc Manager 100. The Disc Manager 100 allows users to store and password protect certain DVDs owners may prefer to keep private.

Mark would find this useful.

The Disc Manager 100 and its bundled software makes it easy to locate any file and eject the appropriate disc in seconds. It also protects your CDs, DVDs, and Blu-ray discs from damage caused by improper handling, exposure to dust, and UV light.

No one wants dust on and/or improper handling of their adult DVDs.

Users can stack up to five Disc Managers 100s – allowing parents to manage a 500 disc library with just one USB connection.

Whoa, whoa. You didn’t say anything about letting my parents handle my adult DVD collection before.

…OK I’m sold. [Disc Makers]

I was so angry when I read his argument as to why he opposes the rating over on news.com.au that I was about to write an essay dismantling every argument he had. Then I discovered that Logan over at Kotaku had already done the hard work for me. Go and check it out and spread the link to all your friends – it’s an extremely well-written and logical argument for the introduction of an R18+ rating for games in Australia. And the more people we have on our side, the better the chances that we’ll finally get treated like the adults that we are.

[Kotaku AU]