President Trump has said that he wants a new nuclear arms race. And with more nuclear weapons in the world, there’s bound to be an accident sooner or later. At least that’s what the experts keep telling us. And when we inevitably descend into nuclear war, you don’t want to be caught without the proper GIFs. But don’t worry, Gizmodo has you covered.
A newly declassified nuclear test from Operation Teapot conducted by the US government in Nevada in 1955 (GIF made from YouTube)
Whether it’s a GIF that says “oops” or “thank God” or “oh crap I think my entire family is dead and my skin has started to peel off”, there’s a nuclear GIF for every occasion.
Yesterday, we showed you rare, nuclear test films that have recently been declassified and uploaded to YouTube. The films were all taken between 1945 and 1962, before above-ground nuclear testing was banned in 1963. And now we have some GIFs for when those nuclear explosions become our 21st century reality, sending the world into a type of darkness modern humans have never experienced.
It’s actually incredible that we survived the first Cold War. There were multiple occasions when the world as we knew it almost ended. And as we charge full steam ahead into Cold War II, you’re going to need some GIFs for when the inevitable destruction of all humanity finally arrives.
1) The Oh No™
Source: Operation Hardtack-1 from 1958
This one is a classic in the sense that it’s a mushroom cloud, which anyone can identify as a nuclear explosion. The Oh No™ is to be used when you know things are messed up and you’re futilely huddling under an IKEA desk with the hope that maybe you won’t have to resort to cannibalism when this is all over.
2) The Don’t Even Bother to Wake Up The Kids™
Source: Operation Teapot from 1955
This GIF is for when you know that there’s really nothing you can do to save you or your family. During a false alarm in the late 1970s, President Carter’s national security adviser quite famously didn’t wake up his family because he thought that they’d be dead soon from a Soviet nuclear attack anyway. That adviser, Zbigniew Brzezinski, had his daughter sleeping in the next room — a girl that would grow up to be a famous TV host on MSNBC’s Morning Joe, Mika Brzezinski.
3) The That’s Not Good™
Source: Operation Teapot from 1955
This one is for when you missed the initial explosion but see just a wall of fire heading your direction from the horizon. The That’s Not Good™ is humorously named because proclaiming that a wall of fire moving in your direction is “not good” is what some might consider an understatement. Seeing a wall of fire heading in your direction because of the carelessness of our world leaders is, in fact, very bad.
4) The Holy Shit™
Source: Operation Plumbob from 1957
This one is for when you see a nuclear explosion in the sky and you know that it’s just a matter of time before everything you know and love will be destroyed. The Holy Shit™ has a certain alien quality to it because the explosion was done at a high altitude rather than on the ground.
5) The Goddammit™
Source: Operation Teapot from 1955
The Goddammit is useful in those situations when you know it’s a nuclear bomb but you’re not sure if it’s really the start of World War III. Maybe it was just a nuclear accident. The mushroom cloud looks pretty thin. “That’s good, right?” you think to yourself. “That has to be good, all things considered.”
6) The Hold Me™
Source: Operation Hardtack-1 from 1958
This one is for when you know this is the end but you’re feeling a bit sentimental and know that at least you’re surrounded by loved ones. If you still feel like using the Hold Me™ but don’t have any loved ones around perhaps try stuffing some meat into a T-shirt and cuddling that in bed. No one’s going to know. It’s the end of the world, after all.
7) The Is That The Sun I Hope That’s The Sun™
Source: Operation Dominic from 1962
This one is for when you wake up at 3AM and are really confused because the dog is barking and it looks like daytime but something’s not right. Are you dreaming? You’re pretty sure you’re not dreaming. Is that the sun? It sure looks like the sun, but it can’t be the sun, can it? Surely, you have to be dreaming. You pinch yourself, only to realise you’re definitely not dreaming. And that’s not the sun. It’s begun. And it’s time to post this GIF because you sure hope that’s the sun.
8) The Wait What Was That™
Source: Operation Castle from 1954
This one is for those moments when you see a dull flash but aren’t sure where it was coming from. Maybe it was just the neighbour’s flood light. Or maybe the bombing has started. Who knows? The Wait What Was That™ gives you a nice subtle GIF that hints at a nuclear explosion, but could be anything. But it’s totally a nuclear explosion, even if it’s hard to make out.
9) The Sweet Release™
Source: Operation Hardtack-1 from 1958
This one is for when you’re almost certain that the next suburb over has just been annihilated and you’re just going to sit there tweeting until your suburb is hit. The internet was designed to distribute the flow of information so that the US military could continue operating and launch a second strike against potential adversaries. The Sweet Release™ is to be used when you’re pretty sure that the second strike might be aimed directly at you.