This time of year, the weather is so hot that leaving the house is even more of a chore than it normally is. That’s when your best course of action is stay on the couch and watch movies — but sometimes you’ve seen all the good ones. What then? I’ll tell you what then — then you watch the bad movies. We’ve picked out a crowd of movies so bad you can’t help but enjoy, and they’re all available online, too.
1) Next
With just “Nicolas Cage as a Vegas magician”, you’ve already crossed the so-bad-it’s-good threshold. Everything else — it’s very loosely based on a Philip K. Dick story; Cage has psychic powers, and therefore the FBI (in the form of Julianne Moore, which means this movie has two Oscar-winning thespians in it) wants him to help foil nuke-slinging terrorists; the “gotcha!” twist ending — is just marshmallow fluff on top. Available on Netflix, Google Play and the Microsoft store.
2) The Lazarus Effect
Remember that brief moment when Olivia Wilde was in every single movie that came out? This was maybe her corniest career decision during that period of over-saturation; it’s a Flatliners-ish tale of a woman whose grief-stricken fiancé brings her back from the dead using her own weird-science invention. The backfires, badly, turning her into a superpowered crazy demon creature. The intriguing supporting cast includes Mark Duplass, Donald Glover and Evan Peters, one of whom exits the movie when his character is killed by a vape pen. Available on Stan, iTunes, Google Play, PlayStation and the Microsoft Store.
3) Jeepers Creepers 2
Controversial writer-director Victor Salva followed up his surprise hit with this horror sequel, in which the scarecrow-monster-thing traps a school bus full of high schoolers on a lonely highway and begins picking them off, one by one. Fortunately, a nearby family of farmers, led by Ray Wise, are heavily armed and primed for some payback. Available on Stan, iTunes, Google Play, PlayStation and the Microsoft Store.
4) The Queen of the Damned
Everybody remembers Interview With the Vampire, but why no love for this other Anne Rice adaptation? It’s campy as hell, with Lestat (Stuart Townsend… whose career never really recovered) playing a sleazy rock star and Aaliyah, who tragically died before the film was released, oozing deliciously through her role as the title character. Available on Presto and Google Play.
5) Terminator: Genysis
Now that some time has passed since the most recent and probably final Terminator movie deposited its blend of incoherence, plot holes and Emilia Clarke (and her “Pops”) into theatres, we’re actually sort of fond of it. At the very least, it’s worth a rewatch, which is more than we will ever say about Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines. Available on Presto, iTunes, Google Play, PlayStation and the Microsoft Store.
6) Fire in the Sky
Is there a better/more ridiculous/less plausible based-on-a-true-life-alien-abduction movie out there? Doubtful. And certainly none with cast that includes D.B. Sweeney, James Garner, Peter Berg and ET repeat offender Henry Thomas. Available on iTunes, Google Play and the Microsoft Store.
7) Robinson Crusoe on Mars
A retelling of the classic story through a 1960s sci-fi lens, as an astronaut marooned on Mars suffers isolation, evades aliens and befriends his very own “Friday”. Available on iTunes, Google Play and the Microsoft Store.
8) Friday the 13th Part III
Nobody ever says part three is their favourite Friday the 13th entry — because it’s terrible. But despite that, it’s full of amazing stuff, including a vengeful biker gang and a prankster character who thinks it’s cute to fake his bloody demise (not long before his actual bloody demise, of course). It’s also the first film in the series to feature the iconic hockey mask, and has an amusing number of set-ups that exist only to take advantage of the fact that it was shot in 3D. Hey, look out for that striking snaaaaake! Available on iTunes, Google Play and the Microsoft Store.
9) Moonraker
James Bond in space! Turns out James Bond does not belong in space, and this film — possibly the goofiest of all Bond films — is ample proof. Available on iTunes, Google Play, PlayStation and the Microsoft Store.
10) Deadly Blessing
Just a few years before he achieved blockbuster success with A Nightmare on Elm Street, Wes Craven made this creeper about a cult whose members’ Amish-like simple ways mask their devotion to some seriously evil ancient forces. Clearly, a clash with the outside world is inevitable and won’t turn out well for anyone. The cast includes the legendary Ernest Borgnine, Craven favourite Michael Berryman (of The Hills Have Eyes) and a then-unknown Sharon Stone. Only available on iTunes.
11) King Kong
Kong: Skull Island opens in March, but you can get your giant-ape fix right now with the 1976 remake of the 1933 classic, which is decidedly not a classic, and is dated in more ways than one. (Instead of the Empire State Building, the ape climbs the World Trade Center at the end.) Jeff Bridges, Charles Grodin and Jessica Lange play the main humans; the decidedly pre-CG Kong was created by special effects legends Rick Baker and Carlo Rambaldi. Only available on Google Play.
12) Superman IV: The Quest for Peace
Think of it this way: It’s still a way more enjoyable movie to watch than Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. Only available on PlayStation.