Black Friday, the uncontrollable growth on the scrotum of our capitalist society, is here. Sure, you could buy yourself a 40-inch television, or an immersion blender, or a any number of gadgets. But why not consider the other people in your life instead? That friend you secretly hate will love the options below.
Image: Getty
Emoji bracelet
Image: Groupon
The upside is that this is the second iteration of the emoji bracelet. The downside is that this is the second iteration of the emoji bracelet.
Casserole dish
Image: Etsy
This “etched” dish — the point of which, I can only assume, is a grand reveal in which the chef scrapes away the last of his or her casserole and shouts, “Bow down to me, for I got this recipe from Pinterest” — was favourited by 457 people. Please, show yourselves, whoever you are.
Ivanka Trump dress
Image: Macy’s
It looks like a baby spit up on the front of this dress, among other things.
Troll journal
Image: Amazon
If I had a child and I blindly tripped over this journal in the middle of the night, I would immediately hurl it into the nearest fireplace.
Christmas suit
Image: Groupon
Why?
Ornament
Image: Amazon
At least it’s not a Samsung Note7.
Clinton-Kaine lawn sign
Image: Hillary Clinton
This isn’t technically a Black Friday deal, but it’s cheap enough to be. Also, now I am sad again.
Slogan cushion
Image: ASOS
You know that quote about not banging someone if they don’t have any books? This is the 2016 version. If you go home with someone and they own this pillow, immediately put your pants on and leave.
Septic system cleaner
Image: Amazon
This isn’t a bad deal, per se. I am merely confused as to why you would name cleaning fluid after a condition that kills people.