You know Christmas is a-comin’ because the disgustingly over-the-top Neiman Marcus Christmas catalogue is out. As usual, it’s full of expensive crap most of us do not need (or even want!) like snowflake cufflinks, mink backpacks and golden Beats by Dre headphones.
A 1.5m tall Tanqueray shaker
Comes with a one-year supply of gin, a cocktail education session for 20, and where the shit do you put this thing? It is $US35,000.
A 100th Anniversary Neiman Marcus Maserati Ghibli S Q4
“A fearsome snarl rips through the air as your new Maserati roars to life. Like the North African wind for which it’s named, the Ghibli is undeniably hot and powerful. Sensuous curved lines punctuated with an aggressive grill and bold triple vents perfectly illustrate the car’s unique marriage of elegance and sports car verve.”
I didn’t make that up, that’s the actual description of this $US95,000 car. They’re only making 100 of them! A perfect stocking stuffer.
His & Hers Vilebrequin Quadsaki
His and hers quadsakis, homie. Combination jetski/ATVs that can go up to 45 mph on land or water. S ign me up for these bad boys. Just $US50,000! (each!)
Mini Mercedes SLS Two Seater
Look, if you’re the kinda guy or gal who’s buying yourself a custom Maserati from Neiman’s, then you might as well start your progeny young with an electric Mercedes just their size. $495
A Scale Model of Your Favourite Raceway
=I mean, sure, you’re already going to so many car races in exotic places, that you might as well get a scale model of your favourite raceway — any raceway at all — for your basement/rec room/room you clearly don’t actually use or need? The 13:2 scale model is $US300,000.
Golden Beats by Dre
Obviously, you need this 7-hundo speaker and headphone set to match with your gold iPhone and your gold bidet in your mansion.
Jumping Sumo Robotic Toy & Rolling Spider Mini Quadricopter
If Martha Stewart can sustain a a pair of smartphone-controlled robot. That’s just how these things work. $US160 for the robot (which comes with a camera) and $US100 for the chopper.
To be fair, this also looks kind of awesome.
Based off the description, I have very little idea what the EvoMouse actually does that a regular mouse does not. Eighty bucks must mean it does… something? In theory, anyway.
Givenchy Rottweiler iPhone 5 Case
Duh, idiot. Of course you need a Givenchy iPhone case with a menacing dog printed on it. By the way, you can also purchase a Givenchy Rottweiler tote, Givenchy Rottweiler cosmetic case, and Givenchy Rottweiler wallet to match your 90 dollar case.
OK, so Coravin actually makes a nice and handy system for opening and storing your fine wine. You just have to want to drop $US300 on a system for opening and storing your fine wine.
Waterford Crystal Elysian Vodka Serving Set
It’s like your grandmom always said, what is Christmas without a fancy-arse vodka and caviar serving set. P.S. You can serve the kind of vodka that comes out of plastic bottles in this and no one will even know the difference. Two-effing-thousand dollars for this guy.
Bonus Good Gift: Mophie Space Pack Charging Cases
Here, I found something in the catalogue that you can afford and need and I can’t make a joke about. Because Mophie’s charging cases are great and useful. $US150 for 16GB, $US180 for 32GB.
MERRY CHRISTMAS (ALREADY)!