Leave it to Joerg Sprave, the internet’s favourite slingshot-building madman, to finally come up with a guaranteed way to make all Americans love soccer. Instead of the players being limited to only using their feet, they should all be allowed to carry this soccer-ball-firing slingshot that can easily propel a ball the length of the field.
With a built-in scope it should vastly improve shot accuracy over what your feet can muster. And to keep injuries to a minimum, all that would be needed is a new rule allowing goalies to carry and play with riot shields.