The 9 Biggest Wastes Of Google's Time And Money

Google just put out JAM, for Chrome, which is basically Garage Band for your browser. It's pretty cool! And after today there's basically zero chance you're ever going to think about it again.

That seems to happen to Google a lot; it comes up with some novel ideas, throws a ton of money at them, and then no one ever uses them. And that's just fine. We're all for trying new things and innovating seeing what works. It's just funny how much time and money and effort Google's thrown down the drain over the years.

Here are some of the biggest wastes of Google's time and money, the things that may have seemed great at the time, and then fell away into the land of forgotten internet toys.

Google Wave Do you remember Google Wave? Sure you might. It was going to replace email! It was a better email. And then it was gone.

Nexus Q No one really thought the Nexus Q was going to be groundbreaking when Google announced it, but the streaming device was at the very least supposed to band together all of the Play Store's content into one, centralised hub in your living room. And whatever you thought of its orb/jellyfish design, lots of money clearly went into designing the thing. And now, you can't even buy it. RIP, little Google ball.

Pool Party and Disco Pool party. POOL PARTY. Google made an app called Pool Party. It was for sharing photos of groups, and was made by the Slide team, which also made the Disco messaging and photo sharing app for Google. Google paid $US187 million for Slide, and then whatever else developing these apps cost. And all it got in return was a pool party no one showed up for.

Google Buzz Yes, Google Plus has fallen completely out of the consciousness of anyone but tech nerds. We don't even get stories about how dead it is now. But at least it's inarguably necessary. But Google Buzz? Buzz was like an offscreen little brother in the Google show. It wasn't just worthless, it was a privacy nightmare. A terrifically expensive privacy nightmare that we all woke up from very quickly.

Cinemagraph Event Invitations You like cinemagraphs, right? They're fun. Here's a photo... that kind of moves! Google's version of that is, basically, "You like scrambled eggs, right? Well how about scrambled eggs... THAT COME WITH LUXURY ITALIAN LOAFERS." That's cinemagraph GIFs and event planning. Gilding a lily that nobody wants to pick in the first place.

Google Goggles Google Googles lets you point your camera at landmarks, paintings and other stuff, to reveal all the world's information about that thing. It's incredibly advanced, and impressive. It's goddamn magic. And there's no way more than a very tiny sliver of the population 1. Knows it exists, and 2. Actually thinks to use it, ever.

Mail Goggles What a wonderful project from Google's famed work-on-anything time! Don't send drunken emails to your boss or ex or dad. Perfect. You need this. It would make your life better. There's no chance in hell you have it activated or plan to actually use it in real life. Again, super fun and aggressively forgetten.

Google Glass Yes, you're excited about Google Glass. Terminator vision! Iron Man HUD! MY LIFE, RECORDED. Except, uh, no. No, you're not going to actually wear those in real life. No, they aren't going to work like you want them to. If these even ever do come to market, the technological hurdles — battery life, or your eyes having problems focusing on information displayed too closely — are too great for this to be anything much more than a glorified Go-Pro for your face.

Google Driverless Cars The driverless car is a miraculous technological feat. You know what else is? A Segway. And while it's thrilling to see automobiles scoot around of their own volition, you'll only ever see one when the USA Men's Basketball team is riding them around at the Olympics in 2024. We're glad these exist. But man is it a lot of time, effort and cash down the drain.


Comments

    Google Goggles is actually great and i know a bucketload of people who use it in different ways,

    Ive recently realised its pretty deeply implemented into newer versions of android,

    google now and google search even allow for you to search for things by taking a photo, based on yep u guessed it google goggle, however there is something quite weird about it that i cant put my finger on: every time i take a picture of something on my nexus to post to instagram i see the goggles icon in my notification bar and it has automatically searched for whats in the picture and provided me with info in my notifications bar... cool feature but i never even knew this kind of integration existed

      If Johnathan Ive is recently realising things about Android we should all be worried.

    I agree with pretty much everything except the driverless cars project. I think that's a pretty inevitable progression in automobile development and if Google can get far enough ahead and license its software to car manufactures, I'm confident that it could provide a decent return on investment (totally aside from the potentially massive positive externalites their research could provide).

    Driverless car project is still very current ... its stupidly hard to implement in real life so if they going to fail its not because of technology but because of government regulations ...

    google wave was fantastic! really hope to see it back as part of some other product

    Totally agree that the driverless car is not money and time down the drain. It will totally improve the quality of life of many people disabilities. That alone is enough to justify it, but I'm pretty sure the regular consumer will be inclined to buy one as well. Reading or working on a car trip is far better than having to concentrate on the road. If you travel an hour a day, and you value your hour at $50 (and a large portion of the population would value their hour above $50), then that's worth $7210 a year. Surely there is a great economic argument in favour of the driverless car!

    Dafuq did I just read?

    Slamming down on tech you haven't even seen yet? (ok, yes, is just the last two, glass and the car)

    1) You can focus on the class. That's kinda the linchpin of the tech. I dislike it for different reasons, but that was silleh.

    2) The driverless car? Thats now all legal and shnit in California. Which is important, since that's where silicon valley is, which is where a bunch of people will use it.

    I quite like the fact that Google is trying some different stuff, they're thinking outside the box, rather than just releasing a slightly smaller box with a renamed connection.

    Haha! That was an awesome article, very funny and witty! Made me laugh first thing in the morning. It's going to be a good day!

    How dare they be innovative! At least they are trying, rather then re-releasing the same stuff continually

    Wave wasn't ever decommissioned. They just changed it a little and renamed it Google Docs.

    Guess what. This happens to all innovative companies. For every 5 ideas that are successful, there are probably hundreds that aren't.

    No shame in that.

    Well, since my dad can't speak English very well, I will translate what he's been saying...without using too much F words. As a person with a low degree blindness-not completely, can still read books and stuff but nothing other than that- he said he was going to rip the head of whoever wrote this ridiculous article. "I'm going to punch the daylights out of that stupid imbecile!"

    Look, we all know how great Google Maps is. We also know how Google is amazing at-and also the only one with enough money- doing things in large all-encompassing style. Driver-less car is one of those things.

    To add my opinion to things, Google Goggles is actually used quite a lot. Me and my ex-guardians have used Androids for a long time, and we had heaps of fun out of Goggles. For an example, we wanted to have a garage sale as I was moving out to a college. There were many books, and we wanted to price them relative to their current value. We simply used Goggles on the covers-as they are different for each editions, not to mention much faster than typing all their names and stuffs- we compared the worth, and sold them accordingly.

    Also, it is both stupid and ignorant to bash-out Google Glass yet. It's still in the earliest of Alpha stage and there aren't even a handful of people who really know what it's really going to be like. I doubt even the half the people who are testing the Glass really know what they are doing. The question is then, dear Wagner, do you know what you are doing? Do you know the recent break-through in batteries and power-saving HUD technologies? Do you even know why the Glass have that thick glass prism instead of something else? Maybe that's because other implementations draw too much power? Do you even know what Glass can do other than a glorified camcorder?

    Look mate, I'm an engineering student who obviously spent too much time writing this annoyed response. However, I really do hope that in the future you actually research and study the things you really want to write about. There is no point in sharing your poorly informed, biased opinions.

    I guess we forgot having fun isn't important hey...

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