The campaigns are over, the commercials claiming each candidate did or didn’t do this or that have stopped running, and the 2012 United States Presidential Election is now in the hands of American voters.
Unfortunately, presidents are like Highlanders; there can be only one. So while half of the country will be celebrating their candidate’s victory tonight, the other half will be mourning a stinging defeat. Here’s how to cope tonight, regardless of if your guy wins or loses.
Century BOB XL Sparring Dummy
The past few months have been a tight and stressful race, and no matter who wins, the entire country probably needs to vent some frustrations — which is exactly what these sparring dummies are designed for. And with some simple customisation you can easily let either candidate know how you really feel. ~$400.[clear]
Refillable Ecoblast Air Horn
This incredibly loud but easily refillable air horn is the perfect tool to either celebrate or endure tonight’s results. You can use it to proclaim your support for the next President, or just drown out those who supported the other guy if your favourite didn’t win. ~$28.[clear]
Panasonic VT50 Plasma TV
Some voters get a little more excited than others. And if you ‘accidentally’ put a remote through your TV when your candidate wins or loses, we highly recommend Panasonic’s 55-inch 3D plasma TV as a replacement. It’s great for watching the election results, or a Blu-ray movie if you can’t bear to watch. $~2000.[clear]
Election Sign Lamps
ome tomorrow the election signs dotting lawns across your neighbourhood will quickly find themselves in trash cans. But with a little DIY hackery you can easily turn them into decorative lamps that serve as a keepsake of your supported politician’s victory, or a stinging — but glowing — reminder of their loss. DIY.[clear]
Jack Daniel’s Old Number 7 Whiskey
Booze: the cause of and solution to all of man’s problems. Tonight you can either drown your sorrows or celebrate your joy, just make sure to elect responsibly this year and choose a designated driver. (Probably one of those Green Party dudes that didn’t really expect to win tonight anyways.) ~$20.[clear]
Get a Canadian Passport
It does get a little cold in Canada, but if you’re not happy with how things turn out in the US you’re always welcome there. Canada has all the salt and vinegar chips you can eat, genuine Canada Dry, and you can drive 100 (kmh) on all the highways. Also the health care system isn’t too shabby. $US200/[clear]
Images: Susan Walsh & Mannie Garcia/Asscociated Press