Jungle Science: Mayans Actually Didn't Predict A 2012 Apocalypse

According to recently uncovered jungle etchings, the great Mayan 2012 Apocalypse myth is not only just that — the Mayan calendar actually allowed for octillions of years of world history. So, um, I guess we can all relax now!

Reuters reports the new findings are based on an ancient "scribe", who appears to have annotated the scary apocalyptic Mayan calendar cited by doomsday fetishists:

The researchers who helped uncover and decipher the wall's inscriptions said the Maya calendar foresaw a vast progression of time, with the December 2012 date the beginning of a new calendar cycle called a baktun.

So, you see, December 2012 isn't supposed to be the apocalypse — it's literally the opposite of the apocalypse. The beginning of an entirely new calendar cycle. The biggest threat to human civilisation is being stuck with each for eons. The good news is that the human race just bought itself some time! No more worrying about boiling oceans and the Washington Monument sliding into a huge chasm. We've got plenty of time. If anything, jungle etching experts say, we've got too much time:

"They were looking at the way these cycles were turning," said William Saturno of Boston University, an author of an article on the find in the journal Science. "The Maya calendar is going to keep going and keep going for billions, trillions, octillions of years into the future, a huge number that we can't even wrap our heads around."

So we've gone from six months left on this crummy planet to octillions of years?! I guess you'll have to convert that doomsday shelter into a nursery where you can be cared for when you're an octillion years old. [Reuters]


Comments

    They never had any reason to suggest that the Mayans had an end of days calendar in the first place. It is well known that their calendar simply started over once it got to the end. This sort of crap makes me wonder if people and in particular American people really deserve to be allowed to waste so much oxygen in the first place. Hopefully now the stupid Apocalypse nonsense will be put to bed once and for all.

      Don't worry Jaezass... there are plenty of numpties that believe it over here too...

      hell, its not even so much that it would start over, its that they didn't have any use for a further leading digit, as it would be more than 1000 years before it would be needed. Basically the same reason we don't write the year as 02012, the leading digit will be unnecessary for quite a while, and if you were trying to make permanent records (most likely by carving it), you would want to save space when writing the date.

    Think about it fellas, we'll be laughing like a drain on December 25th and saying "what! no gifts? 'cause you believed WHAT!!!!!!!"

    Octilliogenarian?

    The only way the stupid apocalypse nonsense will be put to bed once and for all is getting to January 2013. Till then we'll have to hear retards and their stupid claims.

    Thankfully, the scientifically minded Gizmodo community isnt that stupid.

    But, I suppose, at least an almost cool looking movie came out of it... :)

      scientifically minded Gizmodians

    They waited till now to tell them (believers) LOL
    At least I haven't wasted laughter, I've been waiting for someone to realise the end of the "Great Count" is not the end of all things it's just the start of another "Great Count"

    America just set this up to make money off of emergency supplies. Haha you fools, get off of my planet!

    The word Apocalypse means "revealing of the hidden" and has nothing to do with, destruction (well perhaps for those that have been lying to the masses for ages, their lives will be destroyed).
    The sooner the APOCALYPSE happens the better, there has been too many secrets and lies for far too long.
    So let it begin.

    Nope the government is just saying the world is not ending to calm the population down. I am in regular contact with Elvis in the afterlife and he assured me the world IS ending unless everyone on the planet give me a dollar.

      Hah, it's so obvious you're not telling the truth because everyone knows Elvis isn't dead.

      moron

    Uh... no shit. We've always known this, it isn't news.

    http://www.dailyfunnystuff.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/Mayan-Calendar.jpg

    Oh well, I'm sure there'll still be ways to exploit one's "last night on the planet" :P

    No point Not living Each day as your last....
    Tomorrow you may wakeup in a coffin....
    Same goes for every day....

    Mars Curiosity will discover life on Mars, thus ending the long held belief that we are alone in the universe. This will happen on 21st December 2012 which will start a new age of man.

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