Whether you’re innocent or guilty, one day the feds might take a real interest in what you’ve been up to. And if you’re starting to suspect that your life might not be so private anymore, we’ve put together a list of tools that could come in very handy.
That big white van sitting outside your building probably hasn’t been delivering flowers for the past two weeks. If movies have taught me anything, it’s full of FBI agents listening in on every word you’re saying. That is until you turn on this portable white noise generator.
It creates a resonating frequency in the same audio spectrum as human speech that will prevent recording devices and microphones from accurately documenting everything you’re saying. And since it’s portable you can even bring it to bed with you where it will disguise anything you subconsciously say, but also put you to sleep with its relaxing white noise. $US400.
If you think the feds will only be watching and monitoring what you do at home, you’re kidding yourself. Every time you venture outside there will probably be a tail or two following you, so it wouldn’t hurt to have one of these hyper-realistic old man masks at the ready.
All you need is a private bathroom stall and a few moments to slip it on. You might have walked in looking like a spry young individual, but you’ll walk out looking like an innocent elderly gentleman. I mean if it successfully fooled the airtight airport security when that guy flew from Hong Kong to Vancouver in disguise, I’m sure it will work against the FBI. $US810+
If the nature of your online activities has you seriously worried that the government might want to have a word with you, in court, it’s probably not a bad idea to cover your tracks before it’s too late.
And formatting your hard drives isn’t going to be enough. You need to inflict some serious physical damage on your data, and Duplo’s IDEAL hard drive punch is the tool for the job. Using up to three tons of force it will drive a thick steel spike through your drives, destroying the platters and making it very difficult for anyone to ever read them again. $US3100+
But it’s not necessarily the best idea to destroy all of your data. Depending on how things play out, you might need some bargaining power later on like a secret flash drive full of documents proving your innocence, or bringing down your cohorts.
Stashing it in a drawer is going to be pretty obvious, so we recommend this simple DIY project that hides a cigar tube in the top of one of the doors in your home. (Or your friend’s home.) If it’s discovered it won’t be difficult to open, but that’s only a problem if it’s discovered. DIY.
Peering out through your windows every five minutes for people watching you isn’t going to make you look any less suspicious. So get this counter surveillance camera to do it for you, so you always have some idea of who’s paying attention.
Using a laser illuminator, a sensitive GigE Vision camera and other top secret electronics, the C300K can spot a sniper’s scope, cameras, and even someone staring from hundreds of feet away. And coupled with intelligent processing software, it can identify someone spying on you well before you can. It’s primarily designed for military use, but if the FBI has taken an interest in your day-to-day activities, you’re going to need all the help you can get. Price unknown.
At some point you’re either going to have to decide to face the music, or get out of Dodge. But I’m not recommending that you skip the country, that would only add to your troubles. No, I just think that a small unplanned vacation in a country without extradition treaties with the US would help calm your nerves.
And e-volo’s electric multicopter prototype looks like just the thing if you’re not a trained pilot. It’s apparently as easy to fly as those toy drones that are all the rage, and with enough technical know-how you can even build one yourself. Either on the roof of your apartment building, or under a strategically placed tarp in your backyard. Because something tells me the feds won’t be too keen on you travelling. DIY.