It’s become decorum to place your phone atop the restaurant table before (and while) you dine. But just because it’s the status quo doesn’t mean it’s not annoying and gross. Use this brilliant test of will to punish pathetic talk-and-texters.
I’ll admit I’m as guilty as the rest when it comes to the smartphone at mealtime routine: I’m texting someone else, reading my email, or skimming the Wikipedia entry for the Ottoman-Venetian War (1570-1573) while someone else is trying to talk. “Uh huh. Yeah. Head nod. Head nod.” Then they do it. We sit there like a bunch of cyborgs, sucking down our protein and nutrients under the guise of human gathering. No more!
Smartphone Roulette (also known as The Phone Stack) puts money on the line. And if there’s one thing humans love more than smartphones and texting, it’s money. The rules are simple:
1. When you sit down, place your phones on the table, face down. You may stack them if you’d like to be extra extreme, though this is not required.
2. Nobody is allowed to touch their phone — not even if it rings, vibrates or chimes.
3. If you check your phone before the meal is over, you pay the entire bill. No exceptions. Even if you just lift that phone ever so slightly to see who texted you. Your treat.
* Possible exception: you are having a baby/your wife is having a baby/a baby needs help/other life-threatening circumstance. But those are house rules you can decide as a table.
Happy gaming. Now you just need to figure out what to talk about at your next meal. [Some Obscure Tumblr via Kempt via FoodBeast]
Pies
Saturday, January 7, 2012 at 12:38 PMWouldn’t work for doctors.
Ted
Saturday, January 7, 2012 at 2:54 PMAt my college, if a phone goes off at dinner, the rules dictate that the person must go to the front of the hall and sing ‘I’m A Little Teapot’ with actions.
Dave
Saturday, January 7, 2012 at 3:00 PMAt my college, if a phone goes off at dinner you get thrown in the pond. Literally.
RB
Saturday, January 7, 2012 at 4:07 PMBut then as soon as somebody uses their phone, the game is over as the disincentive is removed adn everyone will have a burst of extra intensive phone gazing to see what has been missed.
What you should do is make a stack, with no phone designated as the person who pays the bill. If you check it, then your phone goes to the top, and then you are liable for the bill. However, if somebody else checks their phone then their phone goes to the top, and they are liable for the bill.
Whoever’s phone is on top of the pile at the end picks up the tab.
Adam
Sunday, January 8, 2012 at 1:54 AMYou thought of the same thing as me, in terms of the problem with this game.
I really like your solution, makes the game a bit more dynamic with more of a risk/reward system that lasts until the end of the meal.
Anti
Sunday, January 8, 2012 at 1:58 AMWhy not just make only the people whose phones are still in the stack exempt from paying the bill?(unless, of course, no one does. In which case, the system worked) If one person picks up, they pay the whole thing. If two people pick up, then they can split the bill.
WTF
Saturday, January 7, 2012 at 9:14 PMJust tell everyone to turn them off.
olearymo
Monday, January 9, 2012 at 10:17 AMbut then you don’t get a free dinner. Pay attention!
DENAz
Monday, January 9, 2012 at 1:17 PMI hate having it in my pocket while I’m sitting… same with my wallet lol its got nothing to do with having to check my phone. Good idea though!