What do you when you have more money than Christ and an appetite for fried foods? You head to Red Vietnam for a getaway replete with lavish meals, private yachts, helicopters, and goat-catching. We have Mark Zuckerberg’s exclusive holiday itinerary.
After being chauffeured through Hanoi for a few days via private convoy, Zuckerberg, his quasi-wife Priscilla Chan, and a team of private security skipped town for beautiful Sapa and Halong Bay, where they enjoyed a Christmas morning junk boat cruise — with a miniature decorated tree onboard — through some local islands.
Once the boating was over, the couple took a private helicopter to their hotel, the cushy Topas Ecolodge, and nearby hiking grounds. But the physical gauntlet wasn’t over! The next day centered around an Amazing Race-style competition with the ZuckChan Clan and their best friends.
You know you’re rich as balls when you can recreate reality television shows for personal amusement.
The pals, divided into teams, partook in traditional Tet holiday fun like “blindfolded goat-catching,” “pole-climbing,” and other feats of dominance. And now, close your eyes and imagine Mark Zuckerberg trying to catch a Vietnamese goat while blindfolded.
The trip ended with more hiking, where Zuck didn’t even need to hunt down local wildlife to kill and eat, because his entire trip was restricted to the finest vegetarian fare in the 3rd world:
Grilled Fillet With Coconut With Barbecue Sauce
Fried Tofu With Tomato Sauce
Fried Egg With Sapa Mushroom
Sapa trout carpaccio with shallot and lemon oil
Grilled pork and apple skewers with Sapa honey (Don’t touch that, Mark!)
Sapa mushroom risotto
Eggplant, tomato and onion gratin
Fried Shrimp vegetable
Fried Channa Maculata Fish
Potato with Cheese
Baked pear and cinnamon crumble
Rice pudding with Strawberry sauce
Why vegetarian food, served to a man renowned for this locavore bloodlust? Our sources tell us Zuck and Priscilla had a bet that he couldn’t pull it off. And nobody beats Mark Zuckerberg, a man who unites animal wrasslin’ and carpaccio, at anything.