If You Are Famous And Take Nude Photos Of Yourself, They Will End Up On The Internet

Attention celebrities, I have some shocking news: People really want to see you naked. So if you take a photograph of yourself in the buff, someone's gonna find it. So put down that cameraphone. Or don't!

By now, you've probably heard that possibly genuine nude photographs of someone who may or may not be Scarlett Johannsen [NSFW, unless you're showing this to and high-fiving with your boss]have floated to the top of the Internet cesspool.

Name one person who is surprised by this turn of events.

Me? Nope. You? I hope not. Scarlett Johannsen? Well, if those photos are genuine, she'd better not be. There are multiple fan sites dedicated to espousing on her beauty. This is what we call demand. When it exists in enough quantity, something called "supply" has a high likelihood of rearing its nipple-and-arse-filled, fuzzy mobile phone-snapped head. Especially these days. Here's why:

So, there's this other thing. Called the internet. And it's powerful. I was working at WIRED during Chris Anderson's famous plagiarism scandal, and even after Anderson owned up for what ended up being a mistake, trolls across the Internet started digging up all sorts of dirt on him. We were talking one day and something he said there really stuck with me: "If you achieve a single shred of notoriety, and you have even a single skeleton in your closet, the internet hive-mind will find it." Truth.

Well, if you're a major celebrity, that's notoriety; and a digital photograph (or video) of yourself is like a giant skeleton shaking your closet doors and moaning TMZ at all hours. Especially when it's a mobile phone photo. Think of how many people have access to your mobile phone in a given day: co-workers, acquaintances, tech support people, etc.

And if you think your photos are safe on your home computer, consider this sentence you might have recently uttered to a friend-of-a-friend you hardly know: "The bathroom? It's down the hall to the right." Congratulations: You've just let a stranger loose, unsupervised, in your apartment/hotel suite. Better hope your laptop isn't idling near the crapper.

And this doesn't even count serious hacking. Fact: Celebrities' email accounts get hacked. Hell, celebrities' email accounts are targeted by hackers. So if worrying about the security of your fat celebrity bank account isn't enough, please, by all means email your boyfriend of the moment some photos of that perfect body. KTHXBAI.

Of course, not every leaked photo or sex tape is an accident (*cough* Kim Kardashian *cough*). And in some cases, some home-grown pr0n is made before a celeb is a celeb (bum luck, Hoopz [NSFW] ). But those cases are the exceptions rather than the rules. Or maybe not! Maybe making a sex tape is better for your ailing career than getting a role in a Tarantino flick 10 years after your prime has passed.

But I'm just saying: If you take a photo of something millions of people want to see, there is no way you can keep it from being seen. Not anymore.


Comments

    "If You Are Famous And Take Nude Photos Of Yourself, They Will End Up On The Internet"
    no! If You Are Famous And Take Nude Photos Of Yourself, you're a friggin idiot! #]

      And it will still end up on the internet. :-)

      I agree, take nudie shots of yourself, expect them to get found eventually and if you're famous expect them to turn up in public somewhere.

      And if you're as hot as Scarlett .......

    Some spotty nerd at 4Chan was arguing the Johansson ones were fakes...apparently some look-alike getting some mileage.

    Then again, it was 4Chan, so the kid probably spends more time practising tri-forces than going to school.

    Still, quite the look-alike!

    WOW!!! amazing!!! I simply cannot believe it!! She looks just like any other slim, petite young lady in the nude...

    WHAT ELSE DID YOU EXPECT????

      Yes but she's famous!

    the SMH reports that the FBI are hunting down the 'hacker' responsible, don't they have anything better to do?

      They'd be on the case because this sort of hacking is in breach of their federal "anti-wiretapping" laws.
      -It doesn't matter that she's a celeb or that these are nuddy pics, the thing here is that it's illegal "wiretapping". They have to investigate it because it's a federal law and so comes under their remit.

        so if bobby-joe from hicksville texas had photos stolen off her computer the FBI would be hunting down the culprit? i dont think so.

          If they were taken off her phone though: yes. Yes they would :)

            They really do take that stuff seriously- The FBI would be involved ONLY because she claims her phone has been hacked. It would be the same for anyone.

            Computer hacking, or just stealing physical nude pics or whatever are different. This would come specifically under the anti-wiretapping" laws.

    I'm sure celebrities the world over are paying very close attention to your sanctimonious and unsolicited advice.

    Really? So when the personal information of politicians, celebrities and other public figures gets hacked, then that's a problem.

    But when the personal information that gets stolen ahppens to be nude pics, it's the victim's fault and they asked for it?

    According to the logic of this article if a public figure has any personal information stolen from a hack, then it's their own failt for having any information on a device and should have no recourse. Ridiculous.

    Stick to what you know Gizmodo, give us a review of how grainy the camera is or something, but keep your judgment calls on what people can and cannot do with their devices clearly is not one of them.

      And you telling a website what they can or cannot say is out of your jurisdiction too.

    The photos were taken by the lost iPhone 5.

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