When dudes start firing off home-brew, truck-mounted rockets and bandying about phrases like “open, armed rebellion”, it’s high time to get the f**k out of Tripoli. These seven tools will help get you to your Embassy in one piece.
USMC Improved Modular Tactical Vest
Sucking chest wounds are not a good look for you. Keep your organs from being perforated by gunfire (Armed. Conflict. What’d you expect, a slap fight?) with the USMC Improved Modular Tactical Vest. It’s the latest and greatest in body armour used by the Marine Corps. It includes a cummerbund style main vest with groin, lower back, and neck/throat protection while minimising exposed areas on the side and under the arms. $Free with deployment
English-Arabic/Arabic-English Translation: A Practical Guide
The national language of Libya is Arabic. Do you speak Arabic? No? Then I’d suggest you pick up this translation guide. How else will you know the proper pronunciation for, “Not in the face” (ليس في وجهه)? $US27.
Inmarsat IsatPhone Pro
Between al-Qaddafi turning off the internet and mobile service and the rebels hiving out a new network, you’ve got a better chance of having Domino’s there in 30 minutes or less than you do at getting four bars. The IsatPhone Pro gives you a signal anywhere on planet via its three Inmarsat-4 satellites (reputedly the world’s most advanced mobile satellite network). It also tracks your GPS location, handy for pinpointing your location if you need to call for an extraction. $US700.
Cockpit B-3 Leather Bomber Jacket and Vintage Aviator Hat
When in Rome, do as the Romans do. When in Tripoli, do as the sociopathic dictator does. So, if he’s wearing leather bomber’s jacket and matching aviator cap, you’d be wise to do the same. Jacket $US990, Hat $US130.
FLIR FlashSight 50mm
Spotting trouble before it spots you is key to avoiding it. The ThermoVision FlashSight uses FLIR technology to peer through total darkness, fog, smoke and most obscurants — giving you a heads-up before the goon squad arrives. $US8587.
ORION 12-Gauge High-Performance Alerter Basic-4 Signal Kit
Yeah, you keep waving your hands and shouting for the S&R choppers to notice you. Me? I’m gonna crack off one of these here high-performance signal flares with the Orion 12-gauge safety launcher. These flares burn at 16,000 candlepower for seven seconds and fly as high as 500 feet (150m). $US70.
Khat
Since you can’t very well pop into the local bodega for a pack of Lucky Strikes in downtown Tripoli, you’d better find some Khat. Native to tropical East Africa, Khat is chewed throughout the Arabian peninsula for its cathinone, an amphetamine-like stimulant that will keep you alert, focused and generally frikkin’ AMPED to find that embassy. Ask the nice man in the back of the truck.
Martini Travel Bar Set with Case
Because you’re going to need a drink when this day is through, you’d better come prepared. The Martini Travel Bar Set comes with a shaker, two glasses and flask for holding your gin. Now all you need to do is rustle up some olives.$US50.