Yesterday, while cruising through my normal tour through the darkest, most bizarre corners of the internet, I came across a jarring (albeit established) little tech phenomenon. People love dancing in Apple Stores. Like, dancing like maniacs. Why? Why not? Brilliant.
Perhaps the most prodigious of the manic Apple all-stars is iJustine - actress, "internet personality" (whatever the shit that means), and current TV host on Spike TV. Normally her massive popularity could be attributed to the simple "geeks love blondes talking about iPads" effect, but this girl has some serious panache. And huge balls - or huge ovaries, whatever - walking into Apple Stores and essentially making a horse's arse of herself. As seen here!
And then there's the little tween dynamo iTr3vor. Clearly hoping to follow in the bombshelly footsteps of iJustine, he spazzes out to a variety of Top 40 hits via iSight. He's got a lot of energy, but not the following - only a paltry 17,000 subscribers on YouTube, compared to iJustine's ginormous 1,100,000. Even the girls behind him don't really seem to want to be associated. And then the Apple "Genius" shuts him down. The nerve! The only thing genius in that store was the little kid's spirit. FREE iTREVOR. Nonetheless, his library of in-store performances is extensive.
Nicholasfavs is different kind of performer. Eschewing the grandiose, arm waving, epileptic routine of his peers, he goes for an understated approach, lip syncing rap as onlookers gawk. His performative talents aren't quite as sharp as the likes of Trevor and Justine, but he's got the look, and doesn't skip a beat when throngs of people stop to stare at him in horror. He's also like, eight years old. WHERE ARE THESE KIDS' PARENTS?
And then, there are the amateurs. The somewhat sad amateurs. This girl is quite literally asking someone to teach her how to Dougie. Pleading, even. For the love of God, someone teach this poor girl how to Dougie. Or at least tell her how to leave the Apple Store and go hang out in the food court instead.
This dude may be a personal favorite - exhibiting both fearlessness in the face of alienated shoppers and employees, and a willingness to pull off moves that cross lines of era and ethnicity. The Twist! The Stanky Leg! The lame white guy staple The Shopping Cart! Tpindell does it all.
OK sorry, you two are just terrible.
These two are kind of cute in a brace-faced romance kind of way, but ultimately also very terrible. YOU'RE BARELY EVEN DANCING.
Yes. Yes. This little guy will grow up to be something great someday. Or a serial killer. Or perhaps some kind of funky dancing serial killer! Doo bee doo yeah! Jazz hands!