CostCo Will Sell You A Year’s Worth Of Disgusting Food For $US800

Either America’s obesity problem is just as bad as they say or CostCo knows something we don’t, because the aircraft carrier-scaled big box store is now offering enough (horrifying) food to last you a year for a cool $US800.

The monstrous, 5011-serving package, courtesy of food outfitter Shelf Reliance (hey, at least we’ll have kept our senses of humour during doomsday!) claims their end days buffet contains “only top-of-the-line products”, “developed with everyday menu planning in mind”. Which makes sense, of course, because the only thing worse than knowing that the entire eastern seaboard has been levelled by nukes or a horde of flesh-feasting space titans is repetitive bunker fare – dehydrated fish skin AGAIN, mum?

Possibly more disconcerting than the notion of a year underground eating food from CostCo is the fact that the package isn’t just marketed for emergencies but for “long-term food storage supply”. Meaning that someone, somewhere, thinks it’s a rational idea to buy an $US800 cargo crate including containing hundreds of cans to just, y’know, save yourself a trip to the grocery store.

But what else is included in this nightmarish sampler?

Twelve cans of “Hard White Winter Wheat (44 servings per can)”, one can of Freeze-Dried Mushroom Pieces (48 servings per can)” and dozens of cans of “TVP” – textured vegetable protein – which Shelf Reliance says “is consistent with real meat”. Not included in the deal is a can of freeze dried cyanide for when you grow weary of mixing TVP bacon with elbow macaroni every week.

I’m now reflecting on a year spent holed up in an abandoned mine, sleeping with a pistol under my pillow so the zombies don’t get me, or a year spent staring at “2 Cans of Taco TVP (42 servings per can)” and having a hard time deciding which is more apocalyptic. [CostCo via Boing Boing]