What’s Next For Android?

With Froyo, Google’s latest dessert-themed update to its Android mobile OS, they added even more features users were clamouring for, such as wireless syncing and hotspot support. But what do future updates have in store? We have a leaked roadmap.

Android 2.3 (Gingerbread)
Release Date: Fall 2011
Features:
-WebM video playback support
-Full UI refresh
-Bluetooth voice commands
-Broader video codec support

Android 2.4 (Häagen-Dazs)
Release Date: Summer 2012
Features:
-Auto-tuned voice calls
-Built-in Twitter client automatically follows Drunk Hulk
-Fart ringtones standard
-Runs iPhone apps

Android 2.5 (Ice Cream)
Release Date: Winter 2013
Features:
-Automatic privacy screen when browsing pornography
-Valid form of ID in continental US and parts of EU
-Calls your mother on her birthday
-Native CueCat support

Android 2.6 (Jellybean)
Release Date: Spring 2014
Features:
-Emits powerful Nordic pheromones
-Automatically screens calls based on other party’s attractiveness
-Vibration mode causes spontaneous conception
-Phone numbers replaced by targeted ads

Android 2.7 (Krispy Kreme)
Release Date: Summer/Fall 2015
Features:
-Charges via self-righteousness from not owning an iPhone
-Built-in speaker automatically plays Sade when in vicinity of love-making
-Transforms into an actual android
-Divides by zero

Android 3.0 (Lollipops)
Release Date: Spring/Summer 2016
Feature:
-BLOW JOBS