The Apple Lawsuit Rampage We’d Love To See

Apple’s lawsuit against HTC made one thing clear: Steve. Jobs. Will. Cut You. And with all the patents they’ve got? Nobody’s safe. Here’s who’s next on the subpoena warpath:

Patent #8,567,301: A Process to Cryogenically Microbead Pasteurised Dairy

Defendant: Dippin’ Dots

Patent #5,475,939: Inexpensive Self-Assembled Home Furnishings With Names That Sound Like Lesser Norse Gods

Defendant: IKEA

Patent #6,374,752: Constructing an Opulent Hyper-Futuristic City Without Having the Resources to Maintain It

Defendant: Dubai

Patent #3,405,356: Music Composition Utilising Three Chords In Sequence and Repetitive Anti-Establishment Lyrics

Defendants: Joey Ramone; Iggy Pop; Johnny Rotten; et al

Patent #2,366,291: How a Bill Becomes a Law

Defendants: Congressional and Executive Branches of US Government; “School House Rock”

Patent #4,769,002: Placing “I” Before “E” (Excepting Those Occasions In Which Preceded By “C” Or When Phonetically Comparable to “A”)

Defendants: Strunk and White; My Third Grade Teacher; the English Language

Patent #9,753,482: Achieving Fame Despite Lack of Discernable Talent or Drive

Defendants: Paris Hilton, Spencer Pratt, the Cast of Tool Academy, et al

Patent #1,749,682: Dogs

Defendants: Dogs