Fixing A Computer Is Easy

Aaand there's that A+ cert that cost me so much to take in a nutshell.

brodie7838

@OrbitalGun: third, i must have this as one of my wallpapers, along with my all time pc components poster

@Name of Numbers: Off the top of my head....

make a script that monitors the processes (batch, autoit), when it detects a media player make it send the sspipes.scr /s or similar batch command. Make sure your screen saver is set to lock them out till a password is issued.

ploopsy

@HeartBurnKid: Agent of R.O.A.C.H.: Yeah, thought of that one, too. The XKCD one I actually printed.

Lee J. Jones

The PDF is on the 'found here' link, but the URL is [www.fonerbooks.com] for those curious but lazy ones of us.

Lee J. Jones

@HeartBurnKid: Agent of R.O.A.C.H.: Yes but if we get people that chart they understand it and people lose there jobs if we give them the above chart they just go insane.

@CharmPeddler: Seriously? I think all three of you are currently somewhere on this chart...
[www.fonerbooks.com]

ninjamurf

@Adam Hummel: 3rded.

@Monkey Bars: you forgot the admiral ackbar tag

"Don't do it! It's a trap! /admiral ackbar" there we go all is well ... all ... is .. well

@HeartBurnKid: Agent of R.O.A.C.H.: Lovely. That's me in a nutshell.

pressstart

"Buy a new damn computer."

And that's why Apple loves you!

I prefer this chart.

HeartBurnKid: Agent of R.O.A.C.H.

This was awesome. Thanks Matt!

@ploopsy: How does one go about no. 6?
TELL ME!

Please?

@Adam Hummel: Seconded.

Wheres the printable version, i cant even read this thing.

Adam Hummel

@Halenstone: This deserves a heart click.

Pixlmonkey

@Asherek: Indeed, and that's why we have the Better Business Bureau

coyote1284: P.E.T.U.

This guy's site is pretty awesome. This is the sort of material I want to provide to our DC guys and field info on what needs to be updated, etc. Anyone know of any other other benevolent guys like this with these sorts of general troubleshooting suggestions? I like the approach of not giving step by step instructions, but rather suggestions that can be googled for further info...

Proxy Toaster

i think xkcd's from the other day was better. Also the lines on his were kind of squiggly which is nice.

qbxk

@designguybrown: can it be decided by a flowchart? yes? => use the flowchart. no? => OMG WHAT DO I DO?!! END OF WORLDS!!!

qbxk

My Flow Chart:

Open Case> Divine Act of God> Computer works now?>

YES> Get to work
NO> Get the Hammer!

Halenstone

I wish everything in life could be decided by Flowchart.

designguybrown

Mac user Flow---
1-Does not boot>CMD+OPT+P+R>Reset SMC>Take to Apple Store

2-Genius takes Mac>Logon to GSX and look up service manual>Follow Apple's exact procedures.

(If 1 go back to 2, repeat)

@coyote1284: P.E.T.U.: That doesn't make it right to exploit them. While I certainly like making fun of people who are computer iliterate, it doesn't make it justfiable to gouge them or cheat them, which is essentially what setups like GeekSquad do.

The same applies to plumbers or mechanics. I agree with caveat emptor only to a certain extent; there needs to be a check and balance on the side of the seller too, not just the buyer.

@ploopsy: "Is it alright for a plumber to overcharge you since you dont know about sinks?" Maybe if I didn't know that there are pipes under my sink, or that I can't just flush any old thing and expect it to go down the toilet, or thought that the water tap made water (instead of coming from somewhere), then yes.

"Is it ok for a mechanic to overcharge you if you are not a car guy?" If I didn't know that blinkers don't require fluid to operate, sure.

We (as in the people participating in this discussion) have at least a basic understanding of computers. When we eventually break down and call tech support, we have already recycled power, disconnected and deconnected, checked and resotered default settings, basically already done the fist 5 steps they're going to ask us to do. The people who would take their computer to GS are those that remove the IE icon from their desktop, don't know how to retrieve it, and think they "deleted the internet".

coyote1284: P.E.T.U.

@Evangelion: Shut up, Shinji. ;)

coyote1284: P.E.T.U.

@RedmondKC: Why not?
-They hire idiots to do a professional job.
-They exploit peoples lack of knowledge for profit.
-They put honest repair shops and techs out of work.
-This is a technology blog where everybody knows about Geek Squad. What should I talk about then? Gardening?

Is it alright for a plumber to overcharge you since you dont know about sinks?
Is it ok for a mechanic to overcharge you if you are not a car guy?

ploopsy

Just how old is this picture?

IDE Hard drive?
SCSI Failure???

Underscore_Lysdexia

@jmurph05: Ah, the zoom function.

outeast

Oh goodness, that's a lot of flowchart.

@ploopsy: computer problem? -> yes -> tell customer they need a new hdd -> pull one out of the box and load an image on to it -> charge like a wounded bull

ninjajazza

@tomsomething: repairing a computer problem isn't a simple process for those without the knowledge. upgrading should be simple enough for any consumer.

ninjajazza

@GitEmSteveDave_HasAFrenchLoaf: Dude, she's 9.

fragMasterFlash

@RedmondKC: Oh, how wrong you are.

People go to Rip-off Squad because they know they don't know much about computers, or they were suckered into a warranty. They trust that dip-shit squad knows what they are doing, they are paying for their knowledge.

Problem here is not customers not knowing about computers, it's the fact that the people they pay to know about computers really don't know much at all.

It's a ripoff.

Most of the time the work isn't even done by flatulence squad.

I don't put ALL the blame on duck cheese squad, I also put blame on the company that owns them, You've Got to be Shit Faced to Purchase our Warranty Buy

@ploopsy: Yay! Let's berate people who go to work and have to put up with customers who don't bother to self-educate all day! I'm sure they love having to deal with people who don't know the difference between their monitor and their CPU. Seriously, give the Geek Squad a friggin break. If you can fix your own computer, then go do it and let them repair stuff for the people who don't know how.

RedmondKC

Okay, I've got to say this.

Not too long ago, a Giz editor was ripping apart a Windows 7 upgrade chart that was nowhere near as intimidating as this flowchart.

tomsomething

@ploopsy: They have one, it goes like this:

Cheat consumer out of money for insurance.

Receive broken computer

Send broken computer to manufacturer to service manufacturer warranty

Return now manufacturer repaired computer to customer... 8 weeks later

Laugh you ass off at customer for having wasted a bunch of money and time on their services when it would have been easier and free to deal with the manufacturer yourself.

@ploopsy: It would be especially awkward if a girl was the supervisor. ;)

@GitEmSteveDave_HasAFrenchLoaf: That would work. But id rather have something really graphic in case a weak stomached supervisor/customer happens to be around.

ploopsy

@se7a7n7: Actually, I bought it and this is a huge joke. Every single bubble on the flow chart. The only credible thing on it is the trouble-shooting on the methods of how to correctly and non-invasively apply lotion to your motherboard in the appropriate context.

@ploopsy: Who says it has to be porno. Perhaps some videos of girls playing tennis?

It's been a while since I've seen a flowchart that wasn't a joke.

@endless: read step 6, if done properly alt f4 wont help. Just set the power profile so that nothing happens when the lid is down (great if you have one of those laptops with speakers at the very front).

As far as showing adult videos in public goes, im not the one who will be doing that. Im just going in to get my laptop fixed after hackers got in and messed with it. It wasnt in my hands when the porno started.

ploopsy

@dingus: Bah dum dum!

[www.instantrimshot.com]

@TaitRT: its a special edition for best buy employees.

ploopsy

@ploopsy:

problem: the simple solution is either alt f4 or CLOSE THE LAPTOP.

You also have to consider most of the bad porn stealing geeks have probably seen all of those videos, or worse....

you might also consider the legal consequences of showing adult videos in public, i imagine there are some states with laws that don't appreciate that.

endless

@Evangelion: step 11: Buy limited edition Neon Genesis memorabilia. (i just had to point out your cool username)

ploopsy

@ploopsy: Step 9: ????
Step 10: PROFIT!!!

It's been about 10 years since I've had to fix a SCSI bus failure. It's time to terminate it.

dingus

@DARSFOG: I forgot step 8!!!

8. If you have a built in webcam, make sure it records there reaction for youtube.

ploopsy

@jmurph05: you could probably find a cheap battery for it on ebay or something...

@ploopsy: well you know what... yeah you're right... i wish unplugging it solved lots of problems...

@jmurph05: You need a battery, there is no point to this prank if they can simply unplug something to shut it up.

ploopsy

@ploopsy: i have an old IBM T23, will that work? the battery doesn't work however...

@ploopsy: That is a really awesome idea... I think i might do that.

DARSFOG

@xanderjanz: Darn... Beat me to it...

DARSFOG

I prefer this method:
[xkcd.com]

xanderjanz

@jmurph05: This gives me an idea for a really good prank.

1. Get a laptop with loud speakers
2. Disable the mute and volume buttons
3. Save a shitload of shocking videos on the desktop (2G1C)
4. Hide file extensions and change the video icon to picture icons.
5. Rename the videos to the names of pornstars
6. Make the computer lock out if a media player is launched
7. Take the laptop to GS and tell them that you have issues opening image files.

ploopsy

I just printed this beast on standard 8.5 x 11" paper! I didn't even know my printer could print text this precise!

@jmurph05: Don't do it! It's a trap!

@lucky_you: "I payed 2300$ for this laptop in 2005! what do you mean 'its no good'?"

ploopsy

Welcome to my world.

At the end of the chart, there needs to be a customer quote "But I've had this thing since 2000, it should still be good"

@TaitRT: put your face closer to the screen...

I didn't think it was possible, but Giz's image gallery has actually gotten worse as time has gone on.

@snoop_dizzle: oh yes, and steal your music while lookin at porn.

I need a flow chart to solve "image is not big enough to read". :(

TaitRT

@jmurph05: I thought step one was look at porn and think of a good excuse on why your computer doesn't work, and/or intentionally ruin your computer. Then, step two, if they can't think of anything bash head on keyboard.

Repeat as needed.

@ploopsy: the geek squad already has one like that. Step one: Bash head on keyboard.

@ploopsy: No dice. Gotta be literate for this one to work.

Griffehpoo

They should pin this chart up at the local Geek Squad outfit. They might learn how to fix computers properly.

ploopsy