Eight Worst Spokesassholes In Recent Memory

Each day I get a little bit sadder that Billy Mays is no longer with us. Good thing there are so many spokeassholes vying for position in the marketing pantheon.

Thanks, Rob B. for the inspiration!

Catherine Zeta-Jones: Back and Worse Than Ever

Some of us were near tears when T-Mobile decided to drop Zeta-Jones as their official spokesasshole, but the good news is that she’s back. The bad news is that as soon as we heard her nerve-grinding accent, we remembered that those were tears of joy.

Sir Richard Branson, Kind-Hearted Snob

It was difficult to deem Sir Richard Branson as a spokesasshole. He is such a nice man and only wants innovative technology to reach those from “all walks of life”—assuming that they make $US40 million annually, of course.

Laptop Hunters Lauren, Giampaolo and Lisa

Lisa, Lauren and Giampaolo are the biggest spokesassholes in the Laptop Hunters commercials. Lisa shatters eardrums with her exclamation of “WhaaaaAAAAaat?!?!”, Lauren followed the ads up with claims that they were unscripted, and Giampaolo is just plain smarmy.

Acer Timeline’s Metrosexual Model

Did Acer really have to hire Giampaolo’s brother to model for the Acer Timeline?
Maybe one day he’ll button up the shirt and put on some sunglasses that don’t look like they’re his girlfriend’s. I hope he didn’t quit his day job (waiter? male prostitute?) when he landed this gig, because it won’t last long.

Wes Mos? Why, Microsoft? Why?

Zune Spokesasshole Wes Moss nearly broke our douche point scale. If you can stand watching this Zune spot, after those Laptop Hunter ads, you’ll see why.

Jimmy Iovine and Dr. Dre’s Monster Mess

Dr. Dre and Jimmy Iovine are two ridiculously wealthy guys who decide, in their spare time, to become even more wealthy by peddling some overpriced headphones. Even if you ignore the fact that they’re distributed by Monster, and even if you admit that the headphones aren’t that bad—there’s no way the duo can’t escape the spokesasshole brand.
Photo by jakeludington

Hi, I’m Justin Long, Spokesasshole Extraordinaire

It’s not much of a secret that some of us here are Apple fans, but not even that stopped us from pronouncing Apple’s “I’m a Mac” guy and his smug attitude and thinly veiled disdain for PC as spokesasshole material.

Tamara Hope in the Return of the Stoner Commercials

The Palm Pre commercials started off terribly and only got worse until we stepped in with a remix. Though since it seems that Palm was really giving a nod to Ellen Feiss of Mac Switcher fame with these creepy “What is she on and where can I get some?” commercials, we’ll only rate actress Tamara Hope as half a spokesasshole.