Man Sues Apple For Conspiring With The Mafia To Track Him Using His IPod
A Californian man has sued Apple, accusing the company of conspiring with the Italian Mafia to track him down using his iPod. He says they also inserted the word “herpes” into Mike Jones “Still Tippin” (video NSFW). Sounds reasonable:
The recording of death threats and other evidence, prove that APPLE INC. conspired with the Mafia and other Defendants to manufacture, distribute, and sell illegally bugged iPods and other electronic equipment to Plaintiff [Gregory McKenna] to perpetuate the stalking, extortion, and torture.
All these are facts that don’t surprise me at all. But McKenna added even more grave accusations to the lawsuit, accusing Apple of inserting the word “herpes” into Mike Jones’ Still Tippin’:
Tippin’ on four fours, wrapped in four vogues, HERPES. Tippin’ on four fours, wrapped in four vogues. Tippin’ on four fours, wrapped in four vogues, AHH
Here I get a bit sceptical. I’ve reviewed the uncut video (NSFW) of this song again and again and again and again, but I’ve yet for find the word herpes anywhere. I mean, I kind of see where he is going with the accusation, but having gone through a full battery of tests just last week, I want to believe that all these ladies are all STD-free too, thank you very much:
But wait, there’ more, McKenna’s lawsuit also says that Apple and the Mafia threatened to kill him if he didn’t become a fashion model in New York City:
We’re going to kill you if you don’t model for us in New York. Media sources report that the modelling industry has an infamous “shadow Mafia” that forces models to work for pay after fraudulently putting them into excessive debt, coerces them into the illegal sex trade, and then disposes of them.
This is, by far, the best nutty lawsuit in the history of nutty lawsuits. And they say lawyers can’t do creative writing. [Apple Insider]
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Comments (AU Comments | US Comments)
@matt buchanan: You facetious bastard!
I actually hear the herpes at like 18 seconds really quiet but its still a stupid thing to bring to court
mustafaluigi
This guy sounds legit.
Jake712
Can't the police lock this guy up for 5150?
this is the definition of 'lawlsuit'. cant wait to see what happens. my bet is that he ends up in an institution for further reprogramming.
undeadmachine
Good photoshop Jesus. I think I've seen a similar tutorial but it was for making iPod style ads.
A "Californian Man"? you mean a Californian or a California Man right ;-)
Dumb Lawsuit!
World iS Mi iPhone!!
@Hiphopopotamus: Beat me to the punch!
Suing the Mafia is akin to suing the Rebel Alliance for blowing up your Death Star.
madog
Did they happen to find this man naked near the Nevada border recently? I'd be careful with him - he's a machine.
sam_i_am
Plaintiff – "Your honor, exhibit A, a video of Mike Jones’ video."
*Shows video*
Judge – "Case, dismissed! Anyone who watches something so Naastay should have his head examined"
Noobs-R-Us
I would also like to sue Apple and Tim Henson from Distortedview.com for inserting the words "there is Semen in you hand" to the end of the song "Come Down" by Toad the Wet Sprocket, which you can hear in this video at ~2:25
That last 30 seconds is nothing but ass. So much ass... It's not as attractive to me as it was a couple years back. It's like you can see her insides. Sick.
@BoardShortin'_GitEmSteveDave: I think he called Matt a 'ginger' one too many times...
@secretmanofagent: Apparently someone played the "Ginger" card.
@secretmanofagent: Herr Matt is being facetious.
Most awesome article EVER.. I think the only thing that could possibly be better than this is if his allegations turned out to be true.
royoftroy
@matt buchanan: whaaaaa?
what happened?
@Geisrud: Am I allowed to ask what he was banned for? Just curious, he's usually got the star.
secretmanofagent
thank you gizmodo. thats all i can muster after reading post. thank you.
michael haendler
that video reminded me of how much i love big asses. thanks gizmodo!
ScreaminAsians
@matt buchanan: Seriously?
Dillinger23
Maybe they wanted him because he's an ambi-turner, i hear those are pretty rare...
I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking. And I plan on finding out what that is.
Omadon
@matt buchanan: All to all, by my mustard! News Team, Assemble!
How did this man find us out?
@KronikFpLiOnYkD: If I were one of those artists I would definitely complain.
I don’t like when anyone puts "Herpes" in my mouth.
â• â•CoolRiver45â•â•£
@matt buchanan: Can you please unban him. He's curled up in a ball crying worse than I did when I lost my star. And he wants to be my latex salesman's attorney.
@Hiphopopotamus: Nope - This guy wins the crazy lawsuit contest hands down...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jonathan_Lee_Riches
So this is part "Conspiracy Theory", part "Zoolander", and part "The GodFather"?
Can I join in on the suit as Apple made me think for over 30 years that the theme to Sesame Street contained the lyric: "Where the are is clean".
@KronikFpLiOnYkD: You'd be poor. :(
Is this the same guy that sued Barry Bonds? The crazy guy from jail?
@matt buchanan: Wow, one pedo pic and a guy gets banned? Sounds a little harsh...
@matt buchanan: Again? That's the 3rd time this week. I'm gunna give that boy a whuppin'
@Nick: My island name is Nicko: Actually, we banned him.
If I had a nickle for every time Apple and the mafia bugged my iPods, slowly torchered me, and inserted the words HERPES into my favorite songs...
I really hope that they do a psych test on this guy, and a. if he is mentally ill place him in a hospital for treatment or b. if he is serious make him pay back all court costs to the county as well as to Apple. If he is unable to pay, he should be put into a forced community service until his debt is paid off (including the costs to make sure he is paying off his costs!).
no wonder Ponies! hasn't been around today. looks like he's been hard at work.
I want
1. to know how that got into court in the first place
2. to see that guy's ass handed to him by judge judy.
hilarious
Reminds me of everyone's favorite plaintiff: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jonathan_Lee_Riches
Put the pipe down, good sir, and get some sleep! I'd say you've snapped!
Magic Beans? Sure, I'll Buy Some!!
@Sabbatai: If you want to read fiction with premises this loopy, I highly recommend L. Ron Hubbard's Mission: Earth series. Talk about ridiculous conspiracies within conspiracies...
There's also the Illuminatus! Trilogy...although that one actually comes across as almost plausible...
Sounds like some of the people I work with everyday... at a residential psychiatric hospital.
RandomTangent
Oh man! Why isn't this class action? After I took the chip the mob planted in my head out I started to think they were tracking me. But then when Hotel California said "you can check out any time you like, but you can NEVER leave" I knew it was true... The Eagles and Apple are conspiring with the mafia to have me killed. The modeling thing sounds a little far fetched though.
@VenomIreland: If I could have a half billion dollars every time that happened.. I might not be :P
derilium
@BoardShortin'_GitEmSteveDave: Haha what ARE the actual lyrics? I can't help but hear what you typed now that I expect to... if that makes any sense.
Sabbatai
@royoftroy: I was of the same thinking. What if... just what if it's all true.
Fodder for some New York Times bestseller at the least!
Sabbatai
Just because you paranoid dosnt mean their not out to get you.
oakman1000
Ah. I remember when Microsoft conspired with the KGB to find me through my iPod. Tough times.
Nick Weiss
@KronikFpLiOnYkD: you'd have a very unusual way to make money
I heard it! clearly! at 40 seconds starting in the video, there's the word «herpes». it's that repeating sample in the background...!
Big Apple is watching you!
swissdude
Uhm... someone has been too much out in the sun I think.
DaSmith
this man's lawyer must feel so proud... or be on the same drugs as his client....
Put the crack pipe down and step away from the lawyer.
Xiu MeiGalump
What is this Mafia? The velvet Mafia?
1-2% of the population gets schizophrenia at some point in their life. Soooo, not really too surprised 'bout this ....
banmojo
@bnetter12:
I mean ask psystar, they say they have an unbreakable monopoly and it's not far from there to the mafia.
bnetter12
You know what i don't think apple is conspiring with the mafia, I think apple is the mafia.
bnetter12
@Jake712:
Yeah man he is going to win, I mean his allegations must be true.
bnetter12
@royoftroy:
They are true what are you talking about.
bnetter12
This kinda sounds like the plot from Zoolander. You know, give or take.