Man Dies Horrible Death In The Teeth Of A Cardboard Shredder

@Isaac: "Firefighters declared the man dead at the scene."

Well, actually, that's a truncation; the original source quotes it as:

"Firefighters declared the man dead at the scene. And down the hall. And out the window and over into the neighboring parking lot."

"Firefighters declared the man dead at the scene" It must have been really bad. For a firefighter / EMT to declare someone dead you must have injuries incompatible w/ life - for example, head not attached to body, liver mortis (blood pooling at the lowest point of the body), or other similarly clear things.

Isaac

Lets hope rotten.com comes through...

bmoctta

@mzo: hamburger

yogibimbi

I heard EATR pushed him in, wanted a smoothie for a change.
Death sucks. Especially industrial accident death. Still this isn't as bad as the guy that fell in that vat of varnish last month, he came to a terrible end....but a beautiful finish.

I guess we know now...

he blends.
http://instantrimshot.com/
Thank You Thank You, I will be here all week.

glamajamma

this reminds me of an incident in which KLM dispatched a large quantity of imported squirrels by shredding them. following the kerfuffle, the airline issued a press release stating it wasn't their official policy to shred squirrels.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/1232935.stm

@Gein07:
+1 that, due to the suckiness of the comment system graying out your comment.

glamajamma

@Hello Mister Walrus: mmmm nice gooey center

jono_

@mzo: You see that sucktackular 30 Days of Night? Pretty much like that.

After the accident had taken place, a well-dressed unidentified man with an attache case was overheard observing: "Go tell your friends at SPECTRE that their plan failed ... chop, chop."

@bosskev: I was thinking more like intestinal fortitude!

Well there you go, Hippies. See what all your Earth-loving recycling get us?

Bloody, agonizing death.

R.I.P.

Pardon the pun...

Scandal.ous

@mzo: "wow. imagine what must have come out the other side."

Uh...strong moral fiber?

(with thanks to nutbastard from whom I stole this joke)

Cindy! Wasn't she in that scene in the movie Fargo?

sofong

@nutbastard: Here, I'm going to steal your joke and adapt it up above in a reply.

Not saying that that's what happened here.

shorty63136

I have to show this to my godson's father as a reason why one should not smoke a blunt before you go to work - at a place that has a big-ass incinerator, crusher, and shredder.

shorty63136

@Hello Mister Walrus: Oompa Loompas couldn't save him?

@92BuickLeSabre: No but you have to put up with them sucking at everything. Experience still counts in some places.

Plus I didn't think about it since my situation was just a less successful, similarly aged, version of myself.

tande04

@Nick: I lolled.

Charles Ip

@tande04: Youth. You can't teach youth.

@mzo: I don't know. I've heard about industrial accidents with similar stuff on fishing boats (the floating factory ones) and most people where surprised about how much didn't come out. It made the whole thing worse since everything was still wrapped up in the machinery...

You know, I don't think I'm going to go on about this.

tande04

@Nick: I LOLed

+1 and a cookie for you

SewerShark

@nutbastard: Oh, jeez, that was bad--quit imitating my style!

@mzo: Did you like the sequel?

tande04

Being an upstanding citizen, the man will be processed into corrugated moral fiber board and displayed at city hall.

Dude, this sucks. How am I expected to feel safe playing around my wood chipper that doubles as a personal masseuse (Yes, her name is Cindy and she has never cheated on me, unlike that whore, Hoover!).

@OMG! Ponies!: so he is OMG! MyLittlePonies?

Nick

@Darksider1972: wow. imagine what must have come out the other side.

mzo

@Lite: is on a boat.: I hate Mannequin

mzo

Just to clarify, it didn't happen in someplace called Lincoln Heights in Louisiana, but rather in the neighborhood of Lincoln Heights in Los Angeles, California.

mikejonas

Um, Lincoln Heights is in California, not Louisiana. Yes, it's part of Los Angeles, also abbreviated "LA", but that's not how that works.

@OMG! Ponies!: Bah, I just went through something like that not to long ago too.

I don't understand what leads the girls to the less successful versions of men they were already dating.

tande04

Industrial Cardboard Shredders are pretty much like the Wood chippers machine but bigger.

@Hello Mister Walrus: Painful, but what a way to go, dipped in chocolate, mmm, cannibalistic chocolaty deliciousness.

@Lite: is on a boat.: your reference of Mannequin disturbs me

Nick

@OMG! Ponies!: so he doesn't have a star, then?

Pics or it didn't happen.

Leonce

This reminds me of the New Jersey worker who was recently killed by falling into a vat of boiling chocolate.

Hello Mister Walrus

All cosplay should be illegal.

As I've told every girlfriend I've ever had, I draw the line at LARPing. It is a dealbreaker and if I find out that my girlfriend has ever LARPed, that is the end of the relationship.

Ex-Girlie hooked up with her current BF at a comic-con. He is basically a younger, less-successful version of me.

He probably dove in to save his beloved cardboard woman that only come to life when other people aren't looking.

I love "driniking"

months

And that comedic image seems horribly inappropriate. OMG DEADLOLZ!

bball123h

Wasn't there an episode of the office about that?

tande04

I did a quick image search for this device to see just how "horrible" this means of death would be.

Turns out it looks pretty god damned horrible

@Geisrud: erm I meant livor mortis. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Livor_mortis

Isaac

@Isaac: Injuries incompatible with life. What a great expression. Kind of a legalese way of saying the victim was
no-shit-sherlock-dead.

Bloodboiler

@bosskev: I feel so evil for having laughed out loud at reading that, lol

kingzj

@Isaac: liver mortis? Nice try. You are correct though, there are four conditions under which an EMT may presume someone is dead. Decapitation, Rigor Mortis, Decomposition, and Dependent Lividity (the pooling you describe).

@tande04: Bigger, uh, hands.

@Δεν βρέθηκαν λέξεις: Nope. Their arms were too short to reach in. That is by design though, so they can't each the chocolate. If they could, you'd have a pack of fat Oompa Loompas, and then what would you do? Take them all out for a roll? I think not.

bustedchain

@tande04: Well they don't want a cake that's already made. They want to shove their hands in the batter and bake it themselves...

@OMG! Ponies!: "He is basically a younger, less-successful version of me."

Could it be that your success was too intimidating for her?

@bosskev:
What original source?